Losing Weight is such a depressing endeavor

[Anonymous]

It really is hard. So easy to gain; so hard to lose.

My husband and son are extremely thin and muscular by nature. Even though I work out daily, I am prone to butt + thigh cushiness. They can eat chips and chocolate and whatever they want without gaining a single pound. Me? Hah. Nope. It is really hard to lose weight with all that around me, but I am doing my best.

I grew up feeling shamed for hunger -- my mother was extremely thin, as were my aunt and grandmother. I would be chastised for snacking or "large" or second portions and learned to hide my eating, even though I was never overweight; I just wasn't stick thin.

I am working to change my thinking away from feeling deprived when I choose to eat less and ashamed for eating/ actual hunger or indulgences to feeling empowered and strengthened by my decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, same. Hitting 40 and my already crappy metabolism tanking has been incredibly demoralizing. Working on improving my attitude—also a slow process

You hit 40 already? Plenty of 50 pluses women on here have no issue being normal or underweight.

wow that was helpful

Age isn't an excuse for a bad metabolism. Plenty of 20 somethings who are big and stay big even when fit.

That’s not how metabolism works, dipshit.

Yeah. I’m a life long skinny person (weighed 92 pounds at age 18, 112 when I finished nursing my third kid). I’m almost 50 and guess what I weight now? 138. I eat less than I ever have in my life and definitely exercise more than I did as a teen or a young mom. It’s all just sitting on top of my uturus. It’s clearly hormonal.
Same thing happened to my mom (who ever exercised a day in her life). She was super super skinny (under 100 pounds) right up until menopause when she started just packing fat on around her waist. She still looks pretty small but it’s mostly because she squeezes it all into under an old lady girdle. Her Ames and legs are still pretty thin—it’s just rolls of fat on her waist.
I’m just starting to think that post-menopausal women are not meant to be svelte....most of the post menopausal skinny women I know (not all, but most) who are very skinny either have a health condition (ibs, etc.) or have very restrictive diets. I find the latter too depressing so I’m trying to make p ace with my Mrs Claus belly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, same. Hitting 40 and my already crappy metabolism tanking has been incredibly demoralizing. Working on improving my attitude—also a slow process

You hit 40 already? Plenty of 50 pluses women on here have no issue being normal or underweight.

wow that was helpful

Age isn't an excuse for a bad metabolism. Plenty of 20 somethings who are big and stay big even when fit.

Cheerleader of the Month Award!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s particularly hard during the pandemic when there aren’t a lot of other things to keep you busy. I gave birth a few months before the pandemic, ended up losing a lot of weight so I was 16 lbs down from my prepregnancy weight, kept it off for 8 months and then over the holidays decided to loosen up a little and then got depressed in the new year and I’ve gained back 10 of the lbs. it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I am even ok with being somewhat overweight. My cousin definitely is (150 lbs at 5'2"), but she looks fine because the weight is spread proportionally and she has a nice haircut and dresses well. What I hate is the accumulation of weight in my midsection. It looks horrible.

[Anonymous]

The only way it works for me is to do 5:2 IF, which in itself is depressing. I finally gave up on it and decided to work out 3x a week and not deprive myself. In the spring, I'll slowly work in the diet but in the meantime, I'll focus on the workouts which is harder to turn into a habit.

[Anonymous]

KETO!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you just stopped trying to lose weight? What if you found other goals that were less miserable, like being able to run a certain distance without walking, or holding a plank a certain length of time. Or doing some activity with your kid or your spouse. What if you made sure you were getting the nutrition and quality foods your body needs to accomplish that goal, but then you just stopped worrying about the odd indulgence here and there that you gave just for the pleasure of it.

What if losing weight sucks because it’s not a particularly worthwhile goal?

I’m 50 pounds overweight.
It’s a worthwhile goal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you just stopped trying to lose weight? What if you found other goals that were less miserable, like being able to run a certain distance without walking, or holding a plank a certain length of time. Or doing some activity with your kid or your spouse. What if you made sure you were getting the nutrition and quality foods your body needs to accomplish that goal, but then you just stopped worrying about the odd indulgence here and there that you gave just for the pleasure of it.

What if losing weight sucks because it’s not a particularly worthwhile goal?

I love this idea in theory. However, I love to eat. If i could, I would love to nibble all day, I’d have wine with dinner every night.. If I’m not working at it and feeling deprivation, then I’m gaining weight.

Ok, I hear you, but what if you set a physical (non-weight) goal for yourself and then worked towards it just to see what happened? I also loooove to eat. But last year I decided I wanted to be able to run 2 miles without having to stop and walk. It’s a pretty low bar, but I’ve always struggled with endurance. I started with one of those “couch to 5k” plans and keep at it. I made no effort to change my diet.

Well, as I got closer to my goal, I found myself making healthier eating choices overall. I chose less heavy dinner options and drank less at night because I knew that would make me drag in the morning when I ran. I shifted to snacks like nuts and dark chocolate, as opposed to chips, for the same reason.

I didn’t transform my eating habits (I still love dessert, still love wine with dinner, still love food). But I hit my 2 mile goal and now I’m working on being able to do unassisted pull-ups. I eat better. Not perfect, and no calorie restriction. But I FEEL so much better. I sleep better. I like how my body looks more— more toned and just fitter overall. Oh and I drink more water and am more hydrated and even my skin looks better.

I just don’t think deprivation will ever get you anywhere long term. You might hit a short term weight loss goal, but it will come back and you’ll wonder why you bothered, because as OP explains, the process to lose that weight is miserable.

Throw the scale away. Find a better goal.

What constitutes a good goal is subjective.
Personally I find looking good in a tank top and shorts to be motivating
I could care less how long it takes me to run a mile

[Anonymous]

Losing weight is hard but I find all the things that come with being overweight harder (feeling uncomfortable in public, being excessively hot and tired out, clothes not fitting, not liking what I see in the mirror). Also one way to keep yourself motivated is to look at the small amounts you are losing and see where that trajectory will leave you a few months from now (eg if you lost one pound this week, think of how much you will weigh in two months if you keep losing one pound a week). Two or three months is also when summer is about to hit - that should provide some motivation!

[Anonymous]

YES! I’m hanging on and not caving, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:KETO!!!!

Keto is not good for you long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, same. Hitting 40 and my already crappy metabolism tanking has been incredibly demoralizing. Working on improving my attitude—also a slow process

You hit 40 already? Plenty of 50 pluses women on here have no issue being normal or underweight.

I’m the 40+year old you’re insulting.

First—THANK you for those who have stood up for me.

Second—you sound mean and miserable, pp. what compelled you to say this? You don’t know me at all. I have hypothyroidism and my endocrinologist told me I have slow metabolism and he warned me it would likely tank at age 40. Guess what? I exercise and eat really well, barely drink and yet I keep gaining weight on the same food I ate before. Of course I know 50 year olds who are doing fine, good for them— but *I* am having trouble with my metabolism after 40. And you sound like you put other women down to make yourself feel superior. How’s that working for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you just stopped trying to lose weight? What if you found other goals that were less miserable, like being able to run a certain distance without walking, or holding a plank a certain length of time. Or doing some activity with your kid or your spouse. What if you made sure you were getting the nutrition and quality foods your body needs to accomplish that goal, but then you just stopped worrying about the odd indulgence here and there that you gave just for the pleasure of it.

What if losing weight sucks because it’s not a particularly worthwhile goal?

I love this idea in theory. However, I love to eat. If i could, I would love to nibble all day, I’d have wine with dinner every night.. If I’m not working at it and feeling deprivation, then I’m gaining weight.

Ok, I hear you, but what if you set a physical (non-weight) goal for yourself and then worked towards it just to see what happened? I also loooove to eat. But last year I decided I wanted to be able to run 2 miles without having to stop and walk. It’s a pretty low bar, but I’ve always struggled with endurance. I started with one of those “couch to 5k” plans and keep at it. I made no effort to change my diet.

Well, as I got closer to my goal, I found myself making healthier eating choices overall. I chose less heavy dinner options and drank less at night because I knew that would make me drag in the morning when I ran. I shifted to snacks like nuts and dark chocolate, as opposed to chips, for the same reason.

I didn’t transform my eating habits (I still love dessert, still love wine with dinner, still love food). But I hit my 2 mile goal and now I’m working on being able to do unassisted pull-ups. I eat better. Not perfect, and no calorie restriction. But I FEEL so much better. I sleep better. I like how my body looks more— more toned and just fitter overall. Oh and I drink more water and am more hydrated and even my skin looks better.

I just don’t think deprivation will ever get you anywhere long term. You might hit a short term weight loss goal, but it will come back and you’ll wonder why you bothered, because as OP explains, the process to lose that weight is miserable.

Throw the scale away. Find a better goal.

What constitutes a good goal is subjective.
Personally I find looking good in a tank top and shorts to be motivating
I could care less how long it takes me to run a mile

Yeah, that was clearly the PP's point. The advice of finding a wellness-related goal to work toward as opposed to a specific number on a scale might be helpful for some PPs. My own fitness goals are partially numbers related (goal weight of 150 at 5'7", currently at 167, was 187 when I started), but they are also related to fitness and self image - I would like to be able to run 2 miles without stopping as well and also strongly prefer to look good in a tank top and shorts as well!

Some people's goals are clearly much more related to health and less to the more nebulous "wellness" idea. That's fine. Like you said, it's subjective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, same. Hitting 40 and my already crappy metabolism tanking has been incredibly demoralizing. Working on improving my attitude—also a slow process

You hit 40 already? Plenty of 50 pluses women on here have no issue being normal or underweight.

I’m the 40+year old you’re insulting.

First—THANK you for those who have stood up for me.

Second—you sound mean and miserable, pp. what compelled you to say this? You don’t know me at all. I have hypothyroidism and my endocrinologist told me I have slow metabolism and he warned me it would likely tank at age 40. Guess what? I exercise and eat really well, barely drink and yet I keep gaining weight on the same food I ate before. Of course I know 50 year olds who are doing fine, good for them— but *I* am having trouble with my metabolism after 40. And you sound like you put other women down to make yourself feel superior. How’s that working for you?

First of all you didn't say you had a hormonal disorder! For a person without any issues losing weight isn't an issue IF they are active, workout, eat healthy, and gain muscle. Working out and gaining and keeping muscle speeds up your metabolism. I don't see where I was insulting you at all. Everyone wants to be a drama queen!