What is the line between proud parent and obnoxious braggy parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is doing a lot of things that make me really proud and I like to share them with the family (mainly grandparents, but sometimes my inlaws too). But I'm sharing so often that I'm starting to wonder if they're getting tired of it. Its hard because in the moment it always seems like a big accomplishment, then when nobody comments on it, I think back like maybe that wasn't as big of a moment as I thought. Am I overthinking it, or should I cut back on sharing these experiences?

Stick with the grandparents. NOT the in-laws, especially if they also have kids.

THIS

I can't say anything around my SIL but she takes it as competition and me saying my kids are better than hers (which is not remotely my point - I have never felt like I've been in competition with her, ever). So I just tell the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is doing a lot of things that make me really proud and I like to share them with the family (mainly grandparents, but sometimes my inlaws too). But I'm sharing so often that I'm starting to wonder if they're getting tired of it. Its hard because in the moment it always seems like a big accomplishment, then when nobody comments on it, I think back like maybe that wasn't as big of a moment as I thought. Am I overthinking it, or should I cut back on sharing these experiences?

How are you sharing? If it's a text thread, I personally find that annoying. Start a photo share and then they can turn off the notifications so they only have to look if they want to. Honestly, if my phone or watch dinged every time your kid sang a new song, I'd be really tired of hearing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and they are achieving all kinds of milestones: first snowman, Christmas lights, the one year old memorizing books and demanding to "read" them, kids dancing to new songs, sometimes singing new songs or making up new ones, all kinds of stuff. 3 year old is trying to write letters now so that's exciting. But I'm probably overwhelming them, especially the in laws with kids of their own

I think it's weird that you think of these things as "accomplishments" that someone would brag about, rather than just cute things your kids did. If that's how you think of them, then yes, you will come across as bragging and annoying. "Dancing to new songs" is not a thing to be proud of, it's just a thing. Certainly not newsworthy to anyone but you.

Share this stuff with grandparents, pick a few to share with the in-laws every once in a while, and make sure that you are asking them about their lives, kids, etc.

+1 OP, this PP hit the nail on the head with both points. It's not about the frequency, it's about the context. Do you ask family members just as much about their lives as you share? Is it a back-and-forth relationship?

[Anonymous]

Bragging the way you do is ok for all the grandparents but no one else. I think you already knew that.

[Anonymous]

My kids grandparents like these kinds of updates. It makes them feel like they are part of the kids’ lives. One set lives in another country, one lives too far to drive. I send pictures and videos every few weeks with brief notes. Some are milestone oriented, some just daily activity type stuff. That way when they talk to the children they have some context on what to ask about.

[Anonymous]

Be wise in who you tell things to. The difference is who you tell things to, if you also take interest in the other person, and whether you exaggerate and lie.

Telling grandparents about achievements is fine, exaggerating or lying about them is not, but so is dominating the conversation.

Your colleagues probably are not interested in listening about your kids achievements on any regular basis, no matter how great your kids are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is doing a lot of things that make me really proud and I like to share them with the family (mainly grandparents, but sometimes my inlaws too). But I'm sharing so often that I'm starting to wonder if they're getting tired of it. Its hard because in the moment it always seems like a big accomplishment, then when nobody comments on it, I think back like maybe that wasn't as big of a moment as I thought. Am I overthinking it, or should I cut back on sharing these experiences?

Stick with the grandparents. NOT the in-laws, especially if they also have kids.

Wouldn't her in-laws also be the grandparents of her children?

I think PPs referencing "in-laws" mean like siblings-in-law and so on.

[Anonymous]

Depends, I try to tell my parents about every small achievement and they make a big deal out of it, which in turn makes my kids happy and proud. But DD is the their oldest grandchild and then there is 7 years difference between my other one and further 5 yrs with my brother's kid. So no competition.
On the other hand, my DD and DS are very close to age as my bil's kids. So the moment I brag about my DD, my in-laws will either start braging about bil's child or feel sad about it. So I try to brag less with my in-laws.
Even when we brought our house, my mil's first sentence was, " oh, you bought a house, but bil's still paying rent"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first snowman and Christmas lights aren't accomplishments (although they are wonderful and special moments to experience as a mom with your young children!). The way that you are presenting them that way in your original post makes me think that yes, you may be overdoing your updates, even to your grandparents. When I first read your post, I thought you were talking about real accomplishments, like your son making first violin in the orchestra etc. !! Halve your updates and see if you start to get responses from the grandparents (and like PP said, don't need to loop in aunts/uncles).

This this this.

OP, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I guess you send the kinds of things many of us might post on Facebook-- more of a little/daily/weekly snapshot of our lives, less actual "accomplishments"-- what you listed aren't even small accomplishments to me, and some a stretch to even call milestones.

But w/FB, there's less pressure for any one individual to "like" or respond, because it's throwing something out there to a ton of people. There's a sort of implied bystander effect. When you're sending a group text or something to a very select group of people (<25)... that's a lot, and would feel like pressure and get annoying IMO. Grandparents are generally the exception, of course, but it does depend on the grandparents.

It's also possibly the case that people actually don't mind your sharing (texts?) at all, but sort of the opposite of what I said above-- they're just like, oh, that's cute, and move on, figuring they don't need comment. That would go to your original post-- "I think back like maybe that wasn't as big of a moment as I thought." Yeah, based on the things you listed? They're not big, comment-worthy items, for the most part.

My cousin's partner does a "Shared Album" (iPhone/iOS) for their toddler, and I'm on that chain. It's just photos and videos, no words. She posts a few times a week. I glance at it occasionally but it doesn't annoy me even though I can easily get overwhelmed with notifications. I'm not super into it, but it's a zero annoyance/small benefit sort of thing for me, so it's fine. Maybe if there were words, and especially if there were something like, "Larla dances to Winter Wonderland for the first time! Can you believe she's never heard it before? They grow up so fast! Treasuring these days <3 <3 <3" or something... it would get annoying. But I'm just the cousin-in-law, YK? A lot of grandparents would eat that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is doing a lot of things that make me really proud and I like to share them with the family (mainly grandparents, but sometimes my inlaws too). But I'm sharing so often that I'm starting to wonder if they're getting tired of it. Its hard because in the moment it always seems like a big accomplishment, then when nobody comments on it, I think back like maybe that wasn't as big of a moment as I thought. Am I overthinking it, or should I cut back on sharing these experiences?

Stick with the grandparents. NOT the in-laws, especially if they also have kids.

THIS

I can't say anything around my SIL but she takes it as competition and me saying my kids are better than hers (which is not remotely my point - I have never felt like I've been in competition with her, ever). So I just tell the grandparents.

+1

SIL wouldn't hear it anyway, she would just go into whatever her kids were doing ten plus (!!!) years ago.

[Anonymous]

A first snowman is not a “milestone” one “achieves.”

Normal: Lots of snow this weekend, but the kids had a great time playing in it (see attached pic of our mask-wearing snowman). How are you guys holding up? Did you get hammered by the storm?

Braggy: Larlo and Larlo were soooooo fascinated by the snow, especially when I explained how each flake was different. Larla immediately wanted to cut out 100 different snowflakes (we’re working on representations of 100 in math), while Larlo showed off his strong gross motor skills by easily navigating the drifts! We finished the morning by building a snowman. Larla designed it and insisted that each ball be perfectly spherical — I think she’s going to be an architect! Larlo knew that the carrot was orange and the scarf was red — so proud he had learned all his colors. Here’s a picture we took to commemorate their very first snowman. More tomorrow — lots of news about their attempts to create new songs and choreography for “Hamilton.”

[Anonymous]

we have a shared apple photo album and would share all of that onto that album. The grandparents and inlaws are all on there and can like or comment if they want to. My husbands brother has his own photo album on there for pictures of his kids and both sets of grandparents have their own photo album to post their photos (though much less frequently). Its so much better than texting everyone all the time. People can look at it when they want or not. They can stop following the photo stream if they want. No one is upset either way. I have aunts in nursing homes that love it because they feel in the loop and connected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and they are achieving all kinds of milestones: first snowman, Christmas lights, the one year old memorizing books and demanding to "read" them, kids dancing to new songs, sometimes singing new songs or making up new ones, all kinds of stuff. 3 year old is trying to write letters now so that's exciting. But I'm probably overwhelming them, especially the in laws with kids of their own

You are full on crazy. It is not a milestone for them to experience Christmas lights. You are not PROUD of them for experiencing them - unless of course your children INVENTED THEM. Pride means your children did something impressive for their age or station in life. Your kids are 1 and 3 and have barely experienced anything in life - almost ALL songs are "new" to them. So them dancing to a new song is not impressive or something for you to be proud of. Unless they are Twyla Tharp and choreographing amazing dance moves. I love kids, but I would hate knowing you in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I first read your post, I thought you were talking about real accomplishments, like your son making first violin in the orchestra etc. !!

This just reminded me of when I was a FTM and brought our oldest to visit my parents when she was 7 months old. We all sat around her on the floor in a circle and watched her pick up rice puffs and eat them. And I was like "Look, look what she can do, she's doing it, look, look!" It was very exciting. 7 years and 2 more kids later, puff eating does not seem like much of an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least in my family, there is no such thing as too much sharing with the grandparents. Outside the family is of course different, and aunts and uncles are probably different, but grandparents want to hear it all (and would be hurt if we didn't share).

+ 1 DH and I have a text chain with his and my parents. We send near daily photos of cute stuff the kids are doing and new achievements. If we don’t send anything for a few days they check in wanting updates. I’m pretty sure grandparents love alllll the grandkid spam (I mean not all day long, but once or twice a day). I’m close with my mom so she and I also have running text chats, which largely have to do with how the kids are doing. My parents live out of state and we can’t go see them due to COVID. So I think frequent pictures and FaceTime calls help them feel in touch.

Aunts/Uncles are on FB and see our posts on there. Occasionally we may send them something we’re only sharing with family. Maybe it helps that our nephews and nieces are much older whereas we have kids 5 and under. So there’s no weird braggy/competition concerns. Not that I’m sure there would be even if they were the same age. But overall we are happy to celebrate their college acceptances and high school honors. And we share milestones and cute little kid stuff.