Friends, employees, or relatives with anorexia — did you maintain a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just learned a friend is anorexic.
And I’ve learned there was a lot of lying about the past. (Unexplained absences, many doctor visits, hospital stays, etc.)

Personality is very consistent with many other anorexics.

How many people have been able to maintain a functional relationship with an anorexic, whether a work or family or friend relationship?

I’ve heard it’s much like borderline personality disorder.

Wow, are you saying that you would dump a friend because she has a disease? That's pretty horrible. Like I could dump you as a friend because you're obtuse and unkind? Scratch that...I would dump you because of those things.

Yes, I have known people who battle a food disorder. No, I would not dump them as a friend because of that. Yikes. People like you, OP, are the problem.

She isn't. She's making the choices everyone is allowed to make.

If you have a friend who is putting you at risk, what kind of a friend is that? About 1 in 5 US Americans have mental health problems. More than that are struggling in their lives for other reasons. If they don't feel up to the challenge of supporting someone with an eating disorder -- and depending on the case, it can be quite a challenge -- then they shouldn't feel they have to be a martyr.

Your problem is not someone else's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you? It’s a sickness. Nothing to do with you, and lying about doctor’s appointments is not your business.

For me, it was that a co-worker was obsessed about food. She almost seemed to want to fatten other people up. And she had a LOT of emotion invested in "just being genetically this way" while we could hear her throwing up after parties, or see her gulping liters of bone broth. It's not pleasant to be around.

That behavior is not a symptom of anorexia.

I am the recovered anorexic above and I never comment on what others are eating (except my kids- as in, eat more veggies, yogurt, less sugar- normal parenting stuff).

I can be sensitive about people commenting on what I eat if it comes from judgement, but I will generally just avoid people who do what the person you describe above is doing when they start with the judgement. Since this is a coworker, if you walk away when they do this, eventually they will stop the comments.

Having anorexia does not make you an expert on ever behavior they show. This actually is not an uncommon thing for anorexia-at least quite a few people I have known with it. Quite a few pretended to be genetically thin or were obsessed with feeding other people baked goods. They were a dime a dozen at sororities where I went to school-verified anorexics and/or bulimics who have been in and out of treatment programs. Had an anorexic apartment-mate in college and while we really wanted to be supportive in any way we could, within 6 months all of us were drained by all the things the girls therapist thought WE should be doing to support her at least according to her. It was a 1-way friendship and the behaviors seemed to get more and more disturbing despite the fact she was in therapy twice a week. We ended up calling her parents and reporting all the concerns because we were afraid she might need to be hospitalized. She took a medical leave. As soon as she came back, she was back to her old ways with her new roommates.

It sounds like your friendship ended.

Blaming your former friend’s eating disorder for your friendship ending is really immature.

Correlation does not imply causation like the PP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you? It’s a sickness. Nothing to do with you, and lying about doctor’s appointments is not your business.

For me, it was that a co-worker was obsessed about food. She almost seemed to want to fatten other people up. And she had a LOT of emotion invested in "just being genetically this way" while we could hear her throwing up after parties, or see her gulping liters of bone broth. It's not pleasant to be around.

That behavior is not a symptom of anorexia.

I am the recovered anorexic above and I never comment on what others are eating (except my kids- as in, eat more veggies, yogurt, less sugar- normal parenting stuff).

I can be sensitive about people commenting on what I eat if it comes from judgement, but I will generally just avoid people who do what the person you describe above is doing when they start with the judgement. Since this is a coworker, if you walk away when they do this, eventually they will stop the comments.

Having anorexia does not make you an expert on ever behavior they show. This actually is not an uncommon thing for anorexia-at least quite a few people I have known with it. Quite a few pretended to be genetically thin or were obsessed with feeding other people baked goods. They were a dime a dozen at sororities where I went to school-verified anorexics and/or bulimics who have been in and out of treatment programs. Had an anorexic apartment-mate in college and while we really wanted to be supportive in any way we could, within 6 months all of us were drained by all the things the girls therapist thought WE should be doing to support her at least according to her. It was a 1-way friendship and the behaviors seemed to get more and more disturbing despite the fact she was in therapy twice a week. We ended up calling her parents and reporting all the concerns because we were afraid she might need to be hospitalized. She took a medical leave. As soon as she came back, she was back to her old ways with her new roommates.

It sounds like your friendship ended.

Blaming your former friend’s eating disorder for your friendship ending is really immature.

Correlation does not imply causation like the PP said.

Your writing style such that I recognize you keep posting and it seems like this has hit a nerve for you and is very personal. If you are still struggling, I hope you get the help you need. I suspect this thread is triggering you because you sound irrational. People in the throws of mental illness can be difficult to support when they don't see a problem. Eventually one way friendships do fall apart. It is not the job of anyone to rescue someone. After a while support without any effort on the part of the person ill gets depleting.

[Anonymous]

^^ Absolute +1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. It's really common.

This is a disorder. The way you think about yourself is disordered, the way you relate to other people like is disordered -- problems like AN don't stay in one tidy part of one's life, and it does affect others.

Some people are going to be able to maintain ties with someone who has this disorder, and some won't. But unless there is a parental out spouse relationship, nobody has obligations to put up with unhealthy interactions, and even there, there are limits.

So are there other traits that are typical or commonly associated with this kind of disorder or addiction?

[Anonymous]

What's the purpose of asking?