Husband and harping on DD's food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to back off. Tell him to stop commenting on what she eats. Immediately.

I had an eating disorder for 3 years...from 12-15. I could have died.

I have two daughters. I never ever comment on what they are eating or when. Ever. My ex husband does not either.

NP here. How old are your kids? What would you do if they were just pounding the Halloween candy? Say nothing? At all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him come to the pediatrician and tell the ped ahead of time to tell DH to back down.

This is not exactly how it works, and considering the average American kid has gained 30 lbs during COVID your pedi might not be of the mind that you don't need to monitor what your kid eats in a healthy way.

This isn’t healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him come to the pediatrician and tell the ped ahead of time to tell DH to back down.

This is not exactly how it works, and considering the average American kid has gained 30 lbs during COVID your pedi might not be of the mind that you don't need to monitor what your kid eats in a healthy way.

This isn’t healthy.

This kids friends call her "the human twig." Apparently weight is not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him come to the pediatrician and tell the ped ahead of time to tell DH to back down.

This is not exactly how it works, and considering the average American kid has gained 30 lbs during COVID your pedi might not be of the mind that you don't need to monitor what your kid eats in a healthy way.

This isn’t healthy.

This kids friends call her "the human twig." Apparently weight is not an issue.

Skinny doesn't mean healthy internally. Eating habits stick with you, bad ones such as eating because you're bored o r thinking you need to feel stuffed. OP's husband's approach is wrong, but he isn't wrong about using food to beat boredome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta nip this in the bud now. Your husband is handing your kid an eating disorder on a silver platter. I’m almost 30 and my dad still has sh** to say about what I eat. It’s infuriating and has harmed our relationship.

My dad was the same way. He had comments about me not losing all the baby weight yet when I saw him 5 weeks postpartum

I find this to be so sad. Why do people not grasp how inappropriate it is to comment on someone else's body or weight, much less s parent. Itxs so bizarre.

I'm the pp whose dad made those comments. My grandmother (dad's mom) had an eating disorder and passed on her views to her kids. In her world, nothing was worse than being even slightly overweight. Nothing. My grandmother weighed herself daily to stay at 100 pounds. She was probably 5'5.

[Anonymous]

I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

It’s okay if you choose to eat small amounts so that you’re always hungry, but you can’t make that choice for an 11 year old. The father is being abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

I hope nobody takes advice about teaching kids healthy eating habits from somebody who thinks it’s okay to be hungry all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him come to the pediatrician and tell the ped ahead of time to tell DH to back down.

This is not exactly how it works, and considering the average American kid has gained 30 lbs during COVID your pedi might not be of the mind that you don't need to monitor what your kid eats in a healthy way.

I love it when people make up statistics out of thin air. It just proves that the people on their side are irrational and untrustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

This is a perfect example of a parent who has no respect for their children’s personhood. Controlling when the are “allowed” to eat ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

This is a perfect example of a parent who has no respect for their children’s personhood. Controlling when the are “allowed” to eat ?

I really hope that PP doesn’t have any kids. I wonder how hungry she’d let them get before she ‘allowed’ them to eat. My grandmother, who raised my two cousins, had this same mentality. When they were adults, they seemed to eat everything in sight and became obese. They never developed a healthy relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

It’s okay if you choose to eat small amounts so that you’re always hungry, but you can’t make that choice for an 11 year old. The father is being abusive.

PP has an eating disorder. Instead of recognizing it, she thinks it is okay to perpetuate it. It makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all - except the PP who thinks kids shouldn't be allowed to eat... Whatever.

To address some points - we live in a warm climate. We can eat outdoors.

This is new behavior by my husband. I like the idea of asking why so I'll approach it that way.

I have regular check ups with the pediatrician, and she is completely fine with my daughter's diet and how she eats.

She wasn't "shoving her face with junk" before dinner. It was four hours before dinner, and she was eating a snack right after school ended, which is normal. My husband happened to be working from home that day - not usual - so he doesn't necessarily know her routine. His reaction was bizarre.

I'll be addressing all of this some time this weekend.

Thank you to PPs with all of this helpful advice. Others criticizing my daughter and her weight - scroll on. She's 11 and you're taking shots at a 11 year old girl. Even anonymously, that's just out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all - except the PP who thinks kids shouldn't be allowed to eat... Whatever.

To address some points - we live in a warm climate. We can eat outdoors.

This is new behavior by my husband. I like the idea of asking why so I'll approach it that way.

I have regular check ups with the pediatrician, and she is completely fine with my daughter's diet and how she eats.

She wasn't "shoving her face with junk" before dinner. It was four hours before dinner, and she was eating a snack right after school ended, which is normal. My husband happened to be working from home that day - not usual - so he doesn't necessarily know her routine. His reaction was bizarre.

I'll be addressing all of this some time this weekend.

Thank you to PPs with all of this helpful advice. Others criticizing my daughter and her weight - scroll on. She's 11 and you're taking shots at a 11 year old girl. Even anonymously, that's just out of bounds.

Good, OP, it sounds like you have a plan to get to the bottom of this. Since it's new behavior, I'd guess either impending puberty for your daughter, something that happened to him around 11 (maybe also puberty), some manifestation of COVID anxiety or something else that's going on for him in his personal life that's leading him to want to control others. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strict with food . IMO it’s only for survival so being hungry all the time is normal at least for me. I get what he is saying. She won’t starve to death and he is allowing her to eat dinner. It’s ok to be hungry. I don’t think kids should be allowed to eat freely . As long as she is allowed 3 balanced meals a day then he is right .

Please no one listen to this insane person who thinks small growing children should not be fed when hungry.