Husband and harping on DD's food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have him come to the pediatrician and tell the ped ahead of time to tell DH to back down.

This is not exactly how it works, and considering the average American kid has gained 30 lbs during COVID your pedi might not be of the mind that you don't need to monitor what your kid eats in a healthy way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how to describe this or if I'm overreacting, but I don't think so. My husband has a weird, and I mean really weird, "relationship with food" but only as it applies to my 11-year-old daughter. I do all of the grocery shopping, and buy a blend of healthy and treats, and for the most part she eats a really well-rounded diet. She'll eat your typical chicken/rice/peas combo for dinner, or whatever we're having if it's a family meal. But some examples:
I just overheard him criticizing her that she's having a snack because "we're going out to dinner later." It's 3:10, and our reservation is for 6:45. (outdoor reservations FYI) She pushed back and he legit got mad at her for ... eating.
I came home late after a doctor's appointment. He had given her a dinner that would be appropriate for a 5-year old maybe. She said she was still hungry but didn't 'want to make him mad.'
I'm like WTAF?? I said "Larla, you can have as much as you need!"
I've pulled him aside and have told him he's going to create very disordered eating and to just STOP with harping on her regarding food, but you have to be kidding me with criticizing a kid for getting a snack at 3:10. What more can I say to get him to see this is nuts?
P.S. My daughter is rail thin. Her softball team's nickname for her is the "human twig." Watching her weight is just not a concern.

Why was he giving her dinner before you all went out to dinner? I can almost understand a snack, but a full dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how to describe this or if I'm overreacting, but I don't think so. My husband has a weird, and I mean really weird, "relationship with food" but only as it applies to my 11-year-old daughter. I do all of the grocery shopping, and buy a blend of healthy and treats, and for the most part she eats a really well-rounded diet. She'll eat your typical chicken/rice/peas combo for dinner, or whatever we're having if it's a family meal. But some examples:
I just overheard him criticizing her that she's having a snack because "we're going out to dinner later." It's 3:10, and our reservation is for 6:45. (outdoor reservations FYI) She pushed back and he legit got mad at her for ... eating.
I came home late after a doctor's appointment. He had given her a dinner that would be appropriate for a 5-year old maybe. She said she was still hungry but didn't 'want to make him mad.'
I'm like WTAF?? I said "Larla, you can have as much as you need!"
I've pulled him aside and have told him he's going to create very disordered eating and to just STOP with harping on her regarding food, but you have to be kidding me with criticizing a kid for getting a snack at 3:10. What more can I say to get him to see this is nuts?
P.S. My daughter is rail thin. Her softball team's nickname for her is the "human twig." Watching her weight is just not a concern.

Why was he giving her dinner before you all went out to dinner? I can almost understand a snack, but a full dinner?

Op is giving us illustrative incidents from different days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how to describe this or if I'm overreacting, but I don't think so. My husband has a weird, and I mean really weird, "relationship with food" but only as it applies to my 11-year-old daughter. I do all of the grocery shopping, and buy a blend of healthy and treats, and for the most part she eats a really well-rounded diet. She'll eat your typical chicken/rice/peas combo for dinner, or whatever we're having if it's a family meal. But some examples:
I just overheard him criticizing her that she's having a snack because "we're going out to dinner later." It's 3:10, and our reservation is for 6:45. (outdoor reservations FYI) She pushed back and he legit got mad at her for ... eating.
I came home late after a doctor's appointment. He had given her a dinner that would be appropriate for a 5-year old maybe. She said she was still hungry but didn't 'want to make him mad.'
I'm like WTAF?? I said "Larla, you can have as much as you need!"
I've pulled him aside and have told him he's going to create very disordered eating and to just STOP with harping on her regarding food, but you have to be kidding me with criticizing a kid for getting a snack at 3:10. What more can I say to get him to see this is nuts?
P.S. My daughter is rail thin. Her softball team's nickname for her is the "human twig." Watching her weight is just not a concern.

Why was he giving her dinner before you all went out to dinner? I can almost understand a snack, but a full dinner?

Op is giving us illustrative incidents from different days.

Okay thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are correct to take this seriously. Eating disorders are no joke - and neither is the self-esteem hit of thinking your worth/ value to your dad or other men is tied to what you eat. Joint therapy sessions with you, your husband and a therapist sounds in order. Maybe your husband needs some ways and language to channel the energy and care he *does* have in better ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gotta nip this in the bud now. Your husband is handing your kid an eating disorder on a silver platter. I’m almost 30 and my dad still has sh** to say about what I eat. It’s infuriating and has harmed our relationship.

My dad was the same way. He had comments about me not losing all the baby weight yet when I saw him 5 weeks postpartum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dinner reservation during covid. You are criticizing him and not looking at your own behaviors.

There’s no indication that OP is doing this now. It was an example to show the extent of her husband’s behaviour. Don’t be a nitwit, PP.

[Anonymous]

Op, he needs to be educated. The choice of what to eat and how much is an important aspect of autonomy and she has a right to her choices without a lot of heavy external control. I would like to add that i did my dissertation on a topic connected to bulimic behavior in college women (with other variables as well) and I went into it expecting all this data that would support heavy conflict between mother and daughter as a feature of problematic eating (like you see sometimes in anorexic daughters). I was very surprised: bulimic behavior was associated with conflict with the father. When my husband comes on strong with my teenage daughter i tell him privately the reasons why it may backfire and how control battles in genersl but around food are unheloful

[Anonymous]

*unhelpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta nip this in the bud now. Your husband is handing your kid an eating disorder on a silver platter. I’m almost 30 and my dad still has sh** to say about what I eat. It’s infuriating and has harmed our relationship.

My dad was the same way. He had comments about me not losing all the baby weight yet when I saw him 5 weeks postpartum

I find this to be so sad. Why do people not grasp how inappropriate it is to comment on someone else's body or weight, much less s parent. Itxs so bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dinner reservation during covid. You are criticizing him and not looking at your own behaviors.

Huh? He was also going to the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Restricting an 11 year old girl’s food and making her so anxious about what and when she eats is kind of abusive behavior, OP. I’d put my foot down to protect your daughter. He is way out of line. Does he comment on your weight, body, and what you eat too?

[Anonymous]

Serious question:

Are you sure your daughter doesn’t have an eating disorder now? It sounds like she’s super thin and only eats when she’s absolutely starving and cant take it anymore.

Just something to consider.

I would schedule marital counseling over this. It’s not normal a d it’s not okay. He’s being a huge a$$hole to your daughter. If he was calling her stupid everyday you’d put a stop to it right? This is worse.

[Anonymous]

Do you have other children OP? Does he micromanage your eating?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, OP, you and DH need to get to the bottom of why he is like this. Was he constantly criticized as a kid? Or what gives? I hope he can find healing because this behavior cannot fly...

Actually, I was pretty surprised that you just seem to be addressing this now, when she's 11... but it the occurred to me... has he always been this way with your DD? Or is this somehow triggered by her puberty...?