How to handle three generations staying at parents house

[Anonymous]

I totally would have said my parents would flip a shit too OP. And then one year my brother and I agreed we'd both stay at a hotel. We were so much less grumpy, and although our parents were upset, they got over it, and now it's the new norm.

It's just that first hotel stay that's rough for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I hear what lots of you are saying about the hotel, and I wouldn't mind it, but my parents would flip a shit, espicially since brother who has kids is a huge people pleaser, and would probably sleep standing up just to stay at their house and keep them happy LOL.

Anonymous wrote:Hotel.

Can grandparents get rid of furniture to make room for a PNP? They really only need a bed and night stands. We have a tiny house and we can fit a PNP with a queen in our bedroom but not much room.

One of the bedrooms has a big desk that they could get rid of, and would allow for enough space for a PNP. The other two bedrooms have enough space for a PNP and two twin beds, but it would be VERY tight.

Anonymous wrote:I know this is not possible for everyone, but my parents finished their basement, adding a bedroom plus living space and a large bathroom, once grandkids started coming.

This is an intriguing idea. My parents have an unfinished basement that they have talked about finishing for the past 20 years or so, and I wonder if this will push them to do so. They have the money, but from a practical standpoint, it would be a tough sell, as the basement would go unused for 90% of the year. Still though, it's an interesting idea, and I wonder what the best way to broach that with them?

OP, it’s interesting you say “flip your shit.” My parents are the same way. Then they moved to a condo. It has a guest room. They somehow expected 3 adults and 2 kids to stay there.

At a certain point your husband says “this is nuts, we are staying in a hotel.” And you say, but my parents!!” And then you decide you rather piss off your parents, than your husband. And you stay in a hotel. And the visit goes fine. And, you sleep better not on an air mattress in the living room!! And the pissed off parents sighed a few times about how they wished we could all wake up together, but that was it.

Be an adult. Do what’s best for you and your family with your money. It’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. My parents insist that we cannot stay at hotels, so we mostly don’t visit or I go solo with my toddler. My parents’ house has two bathrooms but a tiny hot water heater and messed-up plumbing. My mom will not share a bathroom and has an elaborately long getting-ready routine. So everyone else gets cold showers and has to announce everything they’re doing that involves running water, flushing, or showering, because if you do anything while someone is showering, you’ll freeze or scald them. We can’t shower at night because “the house is shut down for the night” and it’s too noisy. More than two adults getting ready within an hour is impossible and it seems like every conversation is about bathroom schedules.

Let me guess, they also close the kitchen and seem perplexed that they salad you ate for dinner won’t tide you over until 7 AM because it was “hearty” salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. My parents insist that we cannot stay at hotels, so we mostly don’t visit or I go solo with my toddler. My parents’ house has two bathrooms but a tiny hot water heater and messed-up plumbing. My mom will not share a bathroom and has an elaborately long getting-ready routine. So everyone else gets cold showers and has to announce everything they’re doing that involves running water, flushing, or showering, because if you do anything while someone is showering, you’ll freeze or scald them. We can’t shower at night because “the house is shut down for the night” and it’s too noisy. More than two adults getting ready within an hour is impossible and it seems like every conversation is about bathroom schedules.

Let me guess, they also close the kitchen and seem perplexed that they salad you ate for dinner won’t tide you over until 7 AM because it was “hearty” salad.

It is insane. Mine get up at 5 AM and start rattling pots and pans in the kitchen. Hotel all the way.

[Anonymous]

Similar situation and we alternate with sibling’s family. As in, one family stays with my parents while the other gets an Airbnb (easier than hotel for us right now to have an extra room as our kids are 1 and 4). Next trip, we switch.

We tried once with all of us at my parents house and it just didn’t work.

[Anonymous]

9:27 again- oh and my parents did kind of flip their shit the first time. They come from big pile-in families where everyone shared a room growing up and we always stayed with family than visiting them. They didn’t really get it. But you know what? They got over it. It’s fine now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:27 again- oh and my parents did kind of flip their shit the first time. They come from big pile-in families where everyone shared a room growing up and we always stayed with family than visiting them. They didn’t really get it. But you know what? They got over it. It’s fine now.

Yep. I admit it is sort of wild and crazy fun with everyone there. But nobody gets any sleep and it sucks also. I think my parents think it's self-indulgent to spend the money on the hotel, like it's more virtuous to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Littlest baby[/b] stays with grandparents. Others get a hotel suite. This is what hotels are for and it will make your visit go 1000x more smoothly.

np No way would I be away from my baby! a pre-schooler, fine but, not an infant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]Littlest baby[/b] stays with grandparents. Others get a hotel suite. This is what hotels are for and it will make your visit go 1000x more smoothly.

np No way would I be away from my baby! a pre-schooler, fine but, not an infant!

No, the family with the littlest baby stays with the grandparents. Whoever has the littlest baby gets the best setup, the other people get a hotel. When the kids aren't babies anymore, they all bunk at the grandparents and make a ruckus while the parents relax in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

You either stay elsewhere (hotel or air bnb) or grandparents plan an addition with an extra bedroom and bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Hotel. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so dramatic about sharing a bathroom. But I grew up in a house with one bathroom, and in the event of a potty emergency, a basement toilet. That's how my parents grew up too (and they were from huge families). You just get in, do your business, and get out. If you take too long of a shower, you might have to deal with someone coming in to go pee while you're in there.

I grew up like this too. Now I have 2 bathrooms per person. There have been times when it was just enough. I am not sharing a shower with anyone but my husband.

[Anonymous]

You can find ways to make it work and it may require your parents to declutter. Especially if they don't use the rooms that were your childhood bedrooms and they've become a dumping ground for old stuff. When we had our first child, the first time we went to DH's parents house he did a bunch of cleaning of his former bedroom and got rid of a bunch of random furniture that wasn't needed and had been just sitting there for decades. That gave us plenty of room for a PNP and now we use a blow up twin mattress when the whole family is there. The bathroom thing is no big deal. You just make it work its not like people all need to shower to get to work at the same time. You also don't need to bring all the baby gear for a quick trip. You'll survive without a high chair etc. Don't over think it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it just doesn't work, OP. We fought this battle for years with my in laws and now that my kids are 9 and 7 (wild boys) and SIL's are 4 and 2 (and barely sleep) we moved to a hotel. EVERYONE is happier. And my MIL is totally the "everyone's together and that's all that matters" type.

[Anonymous]

Find a nice Air BnB close by, or yes a hotel.

If your parents are able, at some point you may even be able get to the point where the kids can stay with the grandparents while you and your sibling stay in a hotel, and have some much needed grown up time.

It will take time though, and adjusting to the new babies is tough. Maybe you and your brother (with the baby) can take turns staying at your parents, while the other one stays at a hotel/air bnb for each visit.

Or you all rent a big rental house somewhere that is not home for anyone, but is convenient to get to, and celebrate there.