Toxic player on team. How to handle?

[Anonymous]

What are you, the Justice League?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a team manager? I'd talk to her/him first. If nothing happens I'd go straight to the coach. I don't think your dd should be doing anything in this situation, not her job.

What planet are you from? The dd is on the team not the parent. To make it worse she's a U15 not a U10. Stop babying the daughter let her speak up to the team or coach. You the parent are the support of the player and the team. Don't confuse that with being part of the team. Let the players figure it out and if they want the coach to step in ok. It has to come from them not the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a team manager? I'd talk to her/him first. If nothing happens I'd go straight to the coach. I don't think your dd should be doing anything in this situation, not her job.

What planet are you from? The dd is on the team not the parent. To make it worse she's a U15 not a U10. Stop babying the daughter let her speak up to the team or coach. You the parent are the support of the player and the team. Don't confuse that with being part of the team. Let the players figure it out and if they want the coach to step in ok. It has to come from them not the parent.

Kids sort these things out just fine. If one kid is being persecuted by the group, intervention may be justified. If one kid is being a bully to everyone, the group will deal with it fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a team manager? I'd talk to her/him first. If nothing happens I'd go straight to the coach. I don't think your dd should be doing anything in this situation, not her job.

What planet are you from? The dd is on the team not the parent. To make it worse she's a U15 not a U10. Stop babying the daughter let her speak up to the team or coach. You the parent are the support of the player and the team. Don't confuse that with being part of the team. Let the players figure it out and if they want the coach to step in ok. It has to come from them not the parent.

I agree with this poster. However I just wanted to add, that it depends on your definition of bullying. If she is out there calling girls, fat, ugly, commenting on those kinds of things, for sure have your DD go to the coach. If this other player is criticizing them for bad, fundamentals, bad soccer IQ etc. I'd say, what are those other girls doing to improve their skills outside of practice. I've never been sure why we treat boys and girls different, when I played sports you constantly talked trash to each other, when bad plays were made etc. The solution was you practiced harder, you worked to get better so no one could criticize you. When my daughter was a u-15 I had these kinds of conversations frequently with other parents. Not because my daughter was exhibiting that behavior, but when parents would yell from the side lines etc. They would say a 14 year old girl shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'd tell them, my daughter doesn't consider herself a 14 year girl just a soccer player. I'd recommend their daughters do what mine did, learn to continue playing, without letting it effect them. What if the team your playing has players talking trash, your coach can't do anything about that. What if they are at a large venue and people are yelling and criticizing them. At u-15 they should be learning the mental toughness required to continue playing.

I mean unless this is REC or something, and the girls are there for fun,friendships and experiences, they should focus on their play.

[Anonymous]

You are all giving u15 girls too much credit in most instances for confronting bullies, reporting it or working “really” hard outside of team training.

Spirit of competitors is different that this. Coaches fault for taking too many on a roster.

[Anonymous]

If your playing travel soccer at age 14 you're already in a competitive environment. So there really should be no parent involvement. At age 14 as a competitive athlete there is no need treat the 14 yr olds like delicate snowflakes. Thats the age where they start to handle things on their own or as a team . Let them grow up a little and face problems on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all giving u15 girls too much credit in most instances for confronting bullies, reporting it or working “really” hard outside of team training.

Spirit of competitors is different that this. Coaches fault for taking too many on a roster.

if it's one bully, U15 girls are the age that I'd expect to resolve that amongst themselves the best. The group can turn on the individual pretty dramatically if a couple start to speak up, especially if the bully is a new comer

[Anonymous]

She needs to be her own advocate, esp at 15. Only after she cannot resolve on her own, then escalate to coach.

There's always going to be conflict on the field, school, at work that needs to be managed - good to learn now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all giving u15 girls too much credit in most instances for confronting bullies, reporting it or working “really” hard outside of team training.

Spirit of competitors is different that this. Coaches fault for taking too many on a roster.

They will confront the bully in the end. It won;t be a calm and unified confrontataion though. It will start as a series of remarks made privately to each other and eventually escalate into a catfight between a handful of them. Some of the others will take sides and others will keep quiet. For a couple of weeks half the girls won't be talking to some or all of their teammates, and then after another few weeks everything will have blown over.

I've seen this multiple times on various daughters' teams at this age in response to poor behaviors.

Let the kids work it out - that's how they all learn - including the bully.

[Anonymous]

The only way it blows over is when people involve leave for other teams. I’ve never seen it work it out like you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only way it blows over is when people involve leave for other teams. I’ve never seen it work it out like you described.

I guess it could end that way too - but my experience has been tha the girls have worked it out - not exactly as adults would - but well enough.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is the dress rehearsal for life. This isn’t for you to solve —- resist being a bulldozer parent. Give advice if your DD asks for it but step back and just be there for encouragement if she needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way it blows over is when people involve leave for other teams. I’ve never seen it work it out like you described.

I guess it could end that way too - but my experience has been tha the girls have worked it out - not exactly as adults would - but well enough.

Yes I have seen it your way. The girl who is being bullied leaves the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way it blows over is when people involve leave for other teams. I’ve never seen it work it out like you described.

I guess it could end that way too - but my experience has been tha the girls have worked it out - not exactly as adults would - but well enough.

Yes I have seen it your way. The girl who is being bullied leaves the team.

We're not talking about one girl being bullied by the team. We're talking about one bully anatagonizing the whole team. Those are quite different situations.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a team manager? I'd talk to her/him first. If nothing happens I'd go straight to the coach.

No. This is not what a team manager is for. The team manager helps with scheduling of games, finding of guest players, reminders about what uniform to wear, and maybe arranging for occasional team get togethers at restaurants etc. during normal times. They are not a therapist to work with problems that the team is experiencing, nor are they a conduit for messages about dissatisfaction with the team and its dynamics to the coach. Go speak to the coach directly.