4 kids - to be or not to be?

[Anonymous]

No way. We have three and I would never consider a 4th.
Things are very hard with three. Between homeschooling now, making sure they stay active, their deficiencies are being worked on and improved upon, spending time reading to each of them and doing enrichment work..

With every child, the resources for each child decrease.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t.

We make so much trash, use such a gross amount of resources (indirectly through buying stuff and the production & shipping) and directly (a vaccine, a consumer of water, spot at school, a car & home one day)

We don’t live off the land - we’ve trashed thus place.

Look around. This is not a joyous time to consider kids anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t.

We make so much trash, use such a gross amount of resources (indirectly through buying stuff and the production & shipping) and directly (a vaccine, a consumer of water, spot at school, a car & home one day)

We don’t live off the land - we’ve trashed thus place.

Look around. This is not a joyous time to consider kids anyway.

Why are you even on this site you joyless troll?

[Anonymous]

OP, as a fellow parent of three, I'm a huge believer in leaving yourself a little breathing room. We have a smidge of that with three; we wouldn't at all with four. It's already a challenge to make sure all three feel heard, have time with us, etc. Much as four sounds so nice and even in theory, I'm not going to drive myself bonkers so that "everyone has a playmate."

[Anonymous]

I would do it because I always wanted 4, but Over 40 age makes it dicey.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are your other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my experience, you know when you're done. when you really truly don't want another. if you don't go for it, i think you'd always regret it.

Op here with 3 big kids and the “little brother” baby girl...I sadly don’t know if this is true for me! I already want another. I don’t care if it’s a boy or girl. At the same time, it might break me.

Then that’s your answer—a resounding no.

[Anonymous]

I say go for it because you'll love those 4 grown children sitting around your dinner table in what will seem like a heartbeat. But then again, I have 4 grown kids and wish I'd gone for 5.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and am "only" 35. We considered a 4th (I am one of 4, although there was a set of twins in the middle). My mom was as stay at home mom, so she had all the time to devote to us and our needs. We don't have that and neither of us want to leave our careers.

With two working parents I would say 4 is a hard no, but if you stayed home maybe. However, I can't imagine starting over at 41! I am already exhausted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. We have three and I would never consider a 4th.
Things are very hard with three. Between homeschooling now, making sure they stay active, their deficiencies are being worked on and improved upon, spending time reading to each of them and doing enrichment work..

With every child, the resources for each child decrease.

That's true. I am due with my fourth. My first child was a hot house orchid and my third is a dandelion, thriving regardless of where bloomed. I am so tired many days that I definitely am a "good enough" parent philosophy adherent (and many days it's just "enough" not even good, hah) versus an avid researcher/maximizer of opportunity.

That being said, I have been lucky that my 3 kids are close in age, all same sex and I SAHM. I have a lot of control over the house culture for now (gulp) and I think that has helped with not feeling like wave after wave of outside craziness control our priorities (daycare pickups, my own work obligations, sports team commitments, etc). I'm big on quiet times, library visits, household chores and playing outside.

The other day there was a thread about insuring teenage drivers and my eyes bulged out of my head. I'm for sure one of those romantic fools who thought let's keep going and think of 20 years from now instead of the more methodical, practical family planners who budgeted and were realistic about college funds, travel expenses and the like.