If you had a second child only to give your first a sibling...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a second child for a child. You have it for you.

But it's a very common thing I hear people say: we wanted him/her to have a sibling so they wouldn't be alone. Clearly a lot of people at least feel bad that their child could miss out on a sibling bond.

People say that but it usually means that they are open to loving another child and it's one of many reasons to have another child. I think it's rare that it's the ONLY reason. You're not going to love this kid too, and you just think of that second child as a bit player in your loved child's life, a sort of socialization helper? That's nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a second child for a child. You have it for you.

But it's a very common thing I hear people say: we wanted him/her to have a sibling so they wouldn't be alone. Clearly a lot of people at least feel bad that their child could miss out on a sibling bond.

Absolutely common. We never had a second because of infertility and I heard people say this stuff CONSTANTLY. "I have to have a second now because only children are weird", "I'd rather have none than one because it's not fair to the child to not give them a sibling", and the ubiquitous "you better hurry up! You have to give Larlo a sibling before it's too late!" I think most people plan on having "kids" and don't consciously think through the decision about IF to have a second. It's mostly when they had a difficult experience with their first (pregnancy, birth, or a difficult baby) that they make some sort of comment about how they "have to" have another, then I say "well you could always stop with one you know" and they respond with those types of replies. It's really something if you stop and pay attention to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EXCELLENTLY.

Our first has special needs. We decided to have a second to give him a chance to work on socialization skills within his own home; and to experience the joy of parenting a "normal" child. We could have had another child with special needs, and it took us some years to decide because of that. But DC2 is highly functional, quick-witted, musical and altogether a delight. I believe our firstborn would not have developed as well as he has were it not for his sibling constantly engaging him and interacting with him. They have a close bond.

Do you mind me asking what the age gap is?

Our first has some special needs and I am currently pregnant with our second. I do wonder if there will be benefits to our older child, if our second child is neurotypical. We decided to have a second not for our first child, but because we were ready to have another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:EXCELLENTLY.

Our first has special needs. We decided to have a second to give him a chance to work on socialization skills within his own home; and to experience the joy of parenting a "normal" child. We could have had another child with special needs, and it took us some years to decide because of that. But DC2 is highly functional, quick-witted, musical and altogether a delight. I believe our firstborn would not have developed as well as he has were it not for his sibling constantly engaging him and interacting with him. They have a close bond.

PP, this is so awesome to hear. Our stories are very similar - our first has special needs, we took years to decide on a second, but eventually pulled the trigger for the same reasons you describe. It has worked out well so far, and fingers crossed my kids' close bond carries through to adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an only child dealing with aging parents who are being difficult. I’m so grateful that it’s only me having to deal with this. Having a sibling to also deal with would be a nightmare!

Disagree. Wish I had a sibling to help me out. Would have been nice growing up too. Yes I know people will say no guarantees etc. but all my friends have good relationships with their siblings. Can't think of anyone I know who doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an only child dealing with aging parents who are being difficult. I’m so grateful that it’s only me having to deal with this. Having a sibling to also deal with would be a nightmare!

Disagree. Wish I had a sibling to help me out. Would have been nice growing up too. Yes I know people will say no guarantees etc. but all my friends have good relationships with their siblings. Can't think of anyone I know who doesn't.

My sibling was horrible to me as kids and even worse now. Try mine for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...how did that work out for your family? Regrets or worth it?

What a truly stupid reason to.have a child. Get your kid a puppy.

[Anonymous]

We had a second because we wanted to have two AND because we thought our older would be happy with a sibling now and throughout life. Of course, there are no guarantees.

They are 5.5 and 1.5 and I am so glad they've had each other during this pandemic. DS is amazing with his little sister and she worships him. When she wakes up, the first thing she wants to do is go to his room and then they jump on his bed for a while like little monkeys (they hold onto his headboard and look out the window while having laughing fits). Now they are also actually starting to play together; she'll ride her toy car and he'll push his trucks in front or behind her as in a parade, or they will play with a balloon, or he will read board books to her, or they'll play music on their musical toys, etc. It helps that we don't expect him to ever "babysit" her, we don't let her destroy anything he makes or sets up (e.g. train tracks), and he gets plenty of 1-on-1 attention. Maybe we will continue to get lucky or maybe this changes but so far so good.