Why do people say strong-willed children are bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is bad for them. For us as parents, yes because it is much more challenging to have to argue or go through these disagreements almost every single day for stupid stuff. And later on, during the tween and teen years, the stakes are higher and it is definitely more difficult to parent a child like this.

That said, for an adult it bodes well that they are stubborn and "willful" because usually these type of people have more grit and determination - which makes easier to succeed in life in general.

So, while I both and moan about my 6y old sometimes, I am also glad that she has this personality trait.

Actually, I've seen willful kids grow up to be minimally successful. They still argue everything. Most things have to be done their way without considering input from others.

They aren't leaders, they are exhausting and annoying to be around, and hard to work with.

This. Strong-willed doesn't equal more grit determination, leadership, or success, The same way being more compliant doesn't equal failure.

The most successful adults, have a vision but are often easy-going, have a personality that makes people want to get on their team and stay on their team. Know when to speak up, but also when to shut up. I raised 2 strong willed daughters and as adults I think one fits in each category a) my way all the time, struggles more b) clear vision, confident, but is generally likeable. I will also say in the case of the first one I think the strong will was a symptom of her anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I have one kid who is a people pleaser and one who is very strong-willed and stubborn.

They both have things to learn -- the people pleaser should learn to stand up for herself and not be a doormat, and the strong-willed one needs to learn to compromise and pick his battles.

I don't think it's necessarily true that being strong willed will serve them well as adults. As an adult you can't just fight to get your way all the time either. You're not going to do well in relationships like that and not in most careers either (unless your job is dictator). Hopefully these traits moderate over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a stubborn and strong willed child. However, I refuse to let him grow up to be a narcissist or inconsiderate jerk. He is free to flex his will as long as it doesn’t disregard others time or feelings.

Yes, it’s challenging.

Good for you! My main goal as a parent is to not raise narcissists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is bad for them. For us as parents, yes because it is much more challenging to have to argue or go through these disagreements almost every single day for stupid stuff. And later on, during the tween and teen years, the stakes are higher and it is definitely more difficult to parent a child like this.

That said, for an adult it bodes well that they are stubborn and "willful" because usually these type of people have more grit and determination - which makes easier to succeed in life in general.

So, while I both and moan about my 6y old sometimes, I am also glad that she has this personality trait.

Actually, I've seen willful kids grow up to be minimally successful. They still argue everything. Most things have to be done their way without considering input from others.

They aren't leaders, they are exhausting and annoying to be around, and hard to work with.

This. Strong-willed doesn't equal more grit determination, leadership, or success, The same way being more compliant doesn't equal failure.

The most successful adults, have a vision but are often easy-going, have a personality that makes people want to get on their team and stay on their team. Know when to speak up, but also when to shut up. I raised 2 strong willed daughters and as adults I think one fits in each category a) my way all the time, struggles more b) clear vision, confident, but is generally likeable. I will also say in the case of the first one I think the strong will was a symptom of her anxiety.

Exactly! Many so-called strong-willed children have very low frustration tolerance, hence their need to control everything. They are more likely to drop out of a sport, etc, when things don't go their way because they cannot handle situations in which they cannot boss and demand their way to success. Poor people skills and low frustration tolerance are NOT the keys to success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think because many of these people are insecure control freaks. They're weak people in their lives, so they need to feel like they're dominating a child to feel powerful. Sad.

Wow. You’re reading A LOT into a kid refusing to brush their teeth — and her parents frustration.