Don’t you think people overestimate how much time they have to spend with their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even the homeschooling SAHPs I know don't believe they need to be their children's only influence or spend all of their time with their kids. Yes, I think that sometimes first time parents think they need to entertain their baby or toddler all day, but after that life tends to moderate those attitudes.

Most aren't really homeschooling and just use an online curriculum. Lets be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

This, I was a day care kid and thankful as my mom hated being a mom (and grandma). I love being home with mine. Engaged involved parents make a huge difference. Kids who knows their parents will be there. Kids who knows their parents will meet their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

“Engaged” parents of a teen doesn’t mean a SAHP or being the chauffeur to a high school football team. Both parents can remain engaged whether they are both working or not.

And the quality of zero-to-three engagement is very much a determining factor in who that teen is whether it’s apparent to you or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially the SAHMs who want to be the only influence on their DCs. It’s more justifiable during the infant and toddler years (especially if your alternative is 50 hours with an uneducated daycare worker or nanny) but it gets creepy after school-age.

For context - both of my parents grew up with SAHMs who were busy all day every day with housework and never read them books or got on the floor to play with them. They are highly educated with master’s degrees. I grew up with two working parents who spent a lot of quality time with me but weren’t obsessive about being the only influence in my life. I am highly educated as well. I guess I don’t see why parents have to be the entire world for their kids.

They were not busy with house work all day long. They kept themselves busy on purpose to avoid spending time with their kids. IN SPITE OF THIS their kids turned out well.

Housework and cooking was very different for our grandparents. Everything had to be made from scratch. Rarely eating out and no premade food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

Relationships are built up over time, layer by layer. You must realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

This, I was a day care kid and thankful as my mom hated being a mom (and grandma). I love being home with mine. Engaged involved parents make a huge difference. Kids who knows their parents will be there. Kids who knows their parents will meet their needs.

Kids can know their parents will meet their needs without having one SAHP. I grew up with both parents working as doctors (physician and surgeon) and had both a loving and wonderful nanny (who I’m still close to) and very involved grandparents. My needs were lovingly met and I excelled in both school and creating a very happy life for myself.

I can’t begin to describe the enormous pride I felt, especially of my mother, in social or school events. I’m still proud of her! Growing up watching her make beds or clean the bathroom doesn’t compare to knowing she saved lives and was still there for me.

[Anonymous]

I felt less pressure to be my child's "whole world" when I was a SAHM. Yes, we had lots of quality 1:1 time playing and reading together. But mostly she just tagged along with me while I did regular adult things like cooking and running errands and working in the yard and fixing stuff around the house. It wasn't some oppressive, intensive parenting endeavor. I think if you are feeling bad about how much time you do or do not spend with your kid, that's your problem to address how you see fit, not to get angry that others have found a balance that works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

This, I was a day care kid and thankful as my mom hated being a mom (and grandma). I love being home with mine. Engaged involved parents make a huge difference. Kids who knows their parents will be there. Kids who knows their parents will meet their needs.

Kids can know their parents will meet their needs without having one SAHP. I grew up with both parents working as doctors (physician and surgeon) and had both a loving and wonderful nanny (who I’m still close to) and very involved grandparents. My needs were lovingly met and I excelled in both school and creating a very happy life for myself.

I can’t begin to describe the enormous pride I felt, especially of my mother, in social or school events. I’m still proud of her! Growing up watching her make beds or clean the bathroom doesn’t compare to knowing she saved lives and was still there for me.

Ditto. I’m proud of my mom for working (though she didn’t save lives), using her brain, and balancing work and family with elegance and grace. She thought about bigger things than the latest gossip and who’s kids are screwing up or pumping me for news about the high school social scene! Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

This, I was a day care kid and thankful as my mom hated being a mom (and grandma). I love being home with mine. Engaged involved parents make a huge difference. Kids who knows their parents will be there. Kids who knows their parents will meet their needs.

Kids can know their parents will meet their needs without having one SAHP. I grew up with both parents working as doctors (physician and surgeon) and had both a loving and wonderful nanny (who I’m still close to) and very involved grandparents. My needs were lovingly met and I excelled in both school and creating a very happy life for myself.

I can’t begin to describe the enormous pride I felt, especially of my mother, in social or school events. I’m still proud of her! Growing up watching her make beds or clean the bathroom doesn’t compare to knowing she saved lives and was still there for me.

Ditto. I’m proud of my mom for working (though she didn’t save lives), using her brain, and balancing work and family with elegance and grace. She thought about bigger things than the latest gossip and who’s kids are screwing up or pumping me for news about the high school social scene! Lol

+2. My mother is a teacher. I have always been proud of her and have always loved hearing about her life outside of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt less pressure to be my child's "whole world" when I was a SAHM. Yes, we had lots of quality 1:1 time playing and reading together. But mostly she just tagged along with me while I did regular adult things like cooking and running errands and working in the yard and fixing stuff around the house. It wasn't some oppressive, intensive parenting endeavor. I think if you are feeling bad about how much time you do or do not spend with your kid, that's your problem to address how you see fit, not to get angry that others have found a balance that works for them.

So true. The moment I transitioned from being a SAHM from a WOHM, my guilt disappeared. I spend enough quality and quantity time with my kids to worry about where I am failing. I think as a WOHM you constantly feel overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt less pressure to be my child's "whole world" when I was a SAHM. Yes, we had lots of quality 1:1 time playing and reading together. But mostly she just tagged along with me while I did regular adult things like cooking and running errands and working in the yard and fixing stuff around the house. It wasn't some oppressive, intensive parenting endeavor. I think if you are feeling bad about how much time you do or do not spend with your kid, that's your problem to address how you see fit, not to get angry that others have found a balance that works for them.

So true. The moment I transitioned from being a SAHM from a WOHM, my guilt disappeared. I spend enough quality and quantity time with my kids to worry about where I am failing. I think as a WOHM you constantly feel overwhelmed.

Except I’ve never felt overwhelmed or guilty as a working mother. My toddler has a wonderful, patient nanny for eight hour/five days a week and me and DH the remainder of his hours and days. We have a calm, loving and happy home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

“Engaged” parents of a teen doesn’t mean a SAHP or being the chauffeur to a high school football team. Both parents can remain engaged whether they are both working or not.

And the quality of zero-to-three engagement is very much a determining factor in who that teen is whether it’s apparent to you or not.

Nobody said 0-3 engagement wasn't important, just that teens who had 0-3 nanny, daycare, or SAHM are not distinguishable. Engagement and caring matters regardless of childcare.

Some people seem to think that having a SAHM or a nanny or whatever from ages 0-3 is some sort of magic bullet against teen issues, and it's just not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m firmly in the camp that tweens and teens need more time. A lot of time. And if people were more available to kids at these emotional and hormonal moments there’d be less messed up kids.

Little kids hardly recall all the stuff you did and a provider is often down to provide the stimulation and laughter and learning little ones need.

I disagree. It’s not about what a child actively remembers. It’s about emotional security and the needed engagement of the early years that creates brain connections and learning. This can be achieved with an involved SAHP, a good nanny, or a good daycare.

After that, it’s a natural part of human development to become independent from your parents. If I had stayed home with my child during middle school and now in high school, I still wouldn’t have more time with her as she has always been involved in after-school sports, second language enrichment and her friends.

DP. I am around lot of teens. I can't tell who was in daycare, had a nanny, had a SAHM, etc. when they were little. I CAN tell who has engaged parents when they are teens, but this has nothing to do with whether they have a SAHM or not.

Stop trying to create mommy wars OP.

“Engaged” parents of a teen doesn’t mean a SAHP or being the chauffeur to a high school football team. Both parents can remain engaged whether they are both working or not.

And the quality of zero-to-three engagement is very much a determining factor in who that teen is whether it’s apparent to you or not.

Nobody said 0-3 engagement wasn't important, just that teens who had 0-3 nanny, daycare, or SAHM are not distinguishable. Engagement and caring matters regardless of childcare.

Some people seem to think that having a SAHM or a nanny or whatever from ages 0-3 is some sort of magic bullet against teen issues, and it's just not.

So you really think there is no difference between having someone take care of you from 0-3, the end, vs. someone who takes care of you from 0-3 and then is still there in your life when you are a teen? Or the same as having daycare center employees you have long forgotten from 0-3, or a nanny you may no longer be in touch with? Really? I mean, you can't see the difference in quality between those three relationships? Stability is important to all human beings, but especially for kids as they grow. I think a consistent caregiver is a more enriching and valuable relationship. Bonus points if it's a caregiver who loves you.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Such narrow mind opinions of SAHM’s here. I am a SAHM and I’d love to go back to work but I have a medically fragile special needs child with complex needs. I have an aide for him so I can have a date with my husband or go exercise. Or course, this is something many would never understand if they don’t have a special needs child. Now I’m having to sit by my child and help him with school work during the pandemic. But I don’t see myself as “not using my brain” or “my child only being influenced by me”.