trend of moving into new expensive homes...and marriage ending soon after

[Anonymous]

I think a unifying theme is narcissism: The lack of empathy and entitlement that can enable one to cheat and lie in an affair seems similar to the entitlement that can propel one to buy a new and particularly expensive home. (Obviously not everyone who buys an expensive home is narcissistic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple in their late-40's moved into a huge home next to us about five years ago and within a year he was out and had moved into the city. She is now an empty nester and has failed to sell the house. She is apparently very wealthy in her own right and has had no problem attracting male companionship based on the men who pass through there.

maybe they are helping her pay for the new digs. charging by the hour...

Wow. Judgy misogynist much?

[Anonymous]

So much random projection in this thread. I can honestly say that most of the couples we knew who got divorced were living in apartments, condos and row houses in DC, not big houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much random projection in this thread. I can honestly say that most of the couples we knew who got divorced were living in apartments, condos and row houses in DC, not big houses.

Not us. Everyone has kids and lives in SFHs. I live in a close-in urban suburb and most were not in their new Mansions that long prior to divorce.

The timing is strange, but maybe the new house was a last ditch effort. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

One couple got divorced between buying the house and the closing. Another moved into the neighborhood and were divorced a little over a year later. Apparently they were working on their marriage and thought a chance of scenery would be a fresh start. Kind of sad because they both seemed like nice people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

And number of bridesmaids!! A priest told me.

The higher number of bridesmaids/groomsmen in a wedding party=the higher the chances of divorce.

I had a maid of honor. That is it. I am divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One couple got divorced between buying the house and the closing. Another moved into the neighborhood and were divorced a little over a year later. Apparently they were working on their marriage and thought a chance of scenery would be a fresh start. Kind of sad because they both seemed like nice people.

This is common...the “fresh start” last ditch effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think the new dream house will fix things. More room, better neighborhood, sense of accomplishment, pride - looking like the perfect family...

We’re probably going to split when covid is over.

What needed to be fixed? How did you not know the issues were bigger than square footage prior to moving? I guess that’s the part I don’t understand.

I think if my marriage was on shaky ground the last thing I would do is buy a brand new home. I know somebody that did it because the affair took place in the former home. I get that would be majorly triggering.

I think moving into a brand new neighborhood and then divorcing would be incredibly isolating. You don’t even know your neighbors or have strong connections at that point.

I have always worked from home and workout and walk my dog with many of the women here. I can’t imagine going through a divorce with nobody you are close to nearby.

I did it. It is not hard if you want a divorce. I’m fact, I think it would be preferable than divorcing and knowing your neighbors.

[Anonymous]

During Pre-Canna, our priest told us that families were happier in smaller homes. OP's post got me thinking about that. I guess in a small home, you are really together--issues need to be discussed, whether you fight or make up, or whatever, you cannot hide in some distant part of the house. (I've also been told that "fighting" or simply disagreeing isn't the worst thing -- it's when you stop caring or have contempt.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've read that there is an epidemiological pattern to divorces -- it was more in the context of being somewhat more likely to get a divorce if you are friends with people who get divorced. But it might work geographically as well.

Absolutely. If people in your circle try to tough it out no matter what because of their religion or upbringing, you’ll feel that subtle pressure to keep up too. On the other hand, if you see that people who got divorced didn’t immediately get stricken by multiple misfortunes, and actually look happier, you won’t be inclined to stay in an unhappy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

And number of bridesmaids!! A priest told me.

The higher number of bridesmaids/groomsmen in a wedding party=the higher the chances of divorce.

I had a maid of honor. That is it. I am divorced.

lol do you think you're making a point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple in their late-40's moved into a huge home next to us about five years ago and within a year he was out and had moved into the city. She is now an empty nester and has failed to sell the house. She is apparently very wealthy in her own right and has had no problem attracting male companionship based on the men who pass through there.

maybe they are helping her pay for the new digs. charging by the hour...

Or maybe she’s entitled to her adult life after ditching a limp-d loser of a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

And number of bridesmaids!! A priest told me.

The higher number of bridesmaids/groomsmen in a wedding party=the higher the chances of divorce.

I had a maid of honor. That is it. I am divorced.

lol do you think you're making a point?

No, I am saying that the idea that a higher number of bridemaids/groomsmen in a wedding party is probably just anecdotal crap and not actually statistically reliable as a statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe barely, kinda sorta related. I just read a summary of a study saying that there was a correlation (not huge, but there) between divorce rates & expensive rings/weddings.

And number of bridesmaids!! A priest told me.

The higher number of bridesmaids/groomsmen in a wedding party=the higher the chances of divorce.

I had a maid of honor. That is it. I am divorced.

lol do you think you're making a point?

No, I am saying that the idea that a higher number of bridemaids/groomsmen in a wedding party is probably just anecdotal crap and not actually statistically reliable as a statement.

...based on your one anecdote?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During Pre-Canna, our priest told us that families were happier in smaller homes. OP's post got me thinking about that. I guess in a small home, you are really together--issues need to be discussed, whether you fight or make up, or whatever, you cannot hide in some distant part of the house. (I've also been told that "fighting" or simply disagreeing isn't the worst thing -- it's when you stop caring or have contempt.)

I really agree with thus.
There was a series on pbs called Frontier House. One affluent family went in the show with their three kids and a niece. All 6 people lived in probably a 500 sq. Foot cabin for weeks. They genuinely looked and acted happy. They said in their past life they all got along really well, ate dinner together every night and hung out together in their old house. After the show ended they moved from a house in well off family suburb in LA to a house 3 times larger in Malibu. They ended up divorcing within a year. The wife commented that they went from always being together to rarely seeing each other in their humongous house in Malibu.

I don't know why but that has stuck with me somehow and influenced me in deciding to live in a house that isn't too big (2000 square feet) with my family.