Not outdoorsy/handy parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father raised me to value paying other people to complete the tasks I cannot do- either because I don't know how or because I don't have time. He always made it clear that we were supporting a small business and that the service they were providing us was valuable and worth the cost. I don't know how to do much (unless I take specific steps to learn) BUT I also never second guess myself if I need to pay for a service.

DH was raised to believe that paying someone else to do anything was unacceptable. His father did everything that needed to be done, even if it was subpar or took him years. DH learned a few skills, but mostly he learned to feel guilty about outsourcing. He doesn't know how to outsource- doesn't trust anyone, can't filter through recommendations, can't take a risk, hates talking to service people, etc. He doesn't ever want to outsource- but he also doesn't have time to do anything. It either doesn't get done or it is on me- to convince him, find someone, manage it, etc.

Teaching your kids what my father did is valuable.

This is totally my DH. He's come around to hiring help for things but it definitely irks him to not do it himself. I could do that! He insists and then I have to insist that you don't have time to do it! And, he's so critical of every contractor, certain he could do it better

I'm kind of glad that I'm not alone in this. I once suggested hiring a handyman for a home repair job that needed a reasonable amount of skill to accomplish, and it was like stabbing dh in the heart. But then the project sat for half a year since he never found the time to do it. He even doesn't trust plumbers and electricians to do a better job than he could.

Op, it's so great that you recognize this now. You have plenty of time to learn with your kids. Especially emphasize the outdoors. It's so good for mental and physical well being to have time in nature. Joining scouts for the kids and neighborhood gardening groups (ask around on nextdoor or just chat up sometime in community garden plot) is a great way to build community and learn new skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wimp of an ex two years ago after 8 years of marriage and remarried an electrician and couldn’t be happier. Although the ex earned great money as a lawyer, I realized I needed more than just a housemate who just played video games in his free time and that it wasn’t my responsibility to frustratingly try to change him. I got custody (uncontested) of the two daughters (now 7 and 5) and we took a hit in standard of living, but after remarrying a man who invests his time and energy in making our modest house a home and spending time teaching the children how to fish, boat, plant, work with tools, be self-reliant and DIY I am so much more content. The ex additionally hasn't seen daughters in a year and continues to cancel visitation. Daughters do call DH daddy.

So are you suggesting that OP should divorce her husband and find a new one who is handy?

PP is a troll. Do you know any women who would divorce a lawyer to marry a handy electrician?!

Yep. Lawyer in government makes $180k, my electrician makes $360/hour and he's booked for weeks in advance. That's over 700k/year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine for your husband to not be handy, but it's not fine to be lazy. He sounds lazy. Going on a hike or walk or going to the playground with your kids is not a skill that needs to be learned; you just do it.

It's imperative that your kids learn how to swim, and frankly you should learn too. If you have the money for it, when COVID is over hire a private instructor to teach all of you.

For everything else, I agree with the others - look up how to do things online and learn together. This doesn't mean you can't outsource, but just that you don't have to outsource EVERYTHING. COVID times are especially good for having a reason to clean your own house - reduces exposure to others!

+1 to every single line of this post. After a long day of meetings, I’d love to just flop on the couch and watch or read something. But I make the effort to take the kids outside and spend some quality family time. And you know what? It’s better for me to get that fresh air and exercise and silly time as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a city girl but we always took time to spend outdoors; my parents were actually huge into camping. IMO, it's very important for kids to be outside, be active, play in the dirt not only for physical benefits but also for emotional and immunity reasons. It would make me sad if H wouldn't want to spend time outdoors and play sports with the kids. House maintenance is not that important, this can be outsourced.

It is very important to you because that is how you were raised and probably have fond memories of it. It is not important to me at all. Well, the part about camping - I HATE IT. I think we generally deemed things important as per our past experience/fondness/memories. Or in an idealization of what a typical healthy childhood is or should be (if ours was unhappy).


Different people, different stakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a city girl but we always took time to spend outdoors; my parents were actually huge into camping. IMO, it's very important for kids to be outside, be active, play in the dirt not only for physical benefits but also for emotional and immunity reasons. It would make me sad if H wouldn't want to spend time outdoors and play sports with the kids. House maintenance is not that important, this can be outsourced.

Ridiculous. You should know it at least understand basic home and auto maintenance even if you choose to outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a city girl but we always took time to spend outdoors; my parents were actually huge into camping. IMO, it's very important for kids to be outside, be active, play in the dirt not only for physical benefits but also for emotional and immunity reasons. It would make me sad if H wouldn't want to spend time outdoors and play sports with the kids. House maintenance is not that important, this can be outsourced.

It is very important to you because that is how you were raised and probably have fond memories of it. It is not important to me at all. Well, the part about camping - I HATE IT. I think we generally deemed things important as per our past experience/fondness/memories. Or in an idealization of what a typical healthy childhood is or should be (if ours was unhappy).


Different people, different stakes.

it’s been proven that being outside, playing in dirt, fresh air etc is good for you. It’s not just the PPs opinion. It’s factual.