Not outdoorsy/handy parents

[Anonymous]

My DH is super handy—handy is almost an insult to what he can do. But he is the first person to say that anyone can learn to do these things, especially now, with so much information easily available online. Cultivate that mindset, that we *can* learn to do handy things, work with them on examples of that, and go from there.

Also, you should learn how to swim and make sure your kids do. That’s a life-saving skill. Bike riding, while not life-saving, can be freeing, and is also learnable at all ages. Skiing, meh. Sports for rich people aren’t essential (and I say this as a former rower, which is one of the most absurdly elitist sports out there).

[Anonymous]

Baby steps, my DH is handy, but with our kids, we start with little things they can help with so they are comfortable and build confidence with tools, like toy or bike that need some assembling, or small bookcase/shelf.

Same with household chores, they should be able to maintain/clean their rooms and maybe grow tomatoes in a small container garden. For the outdoors, small hikes to see different critters and try fishing. All the little things you do add up to them being well-rounded.

[Anonymous]

4-H is a good option too but I am not sure how active it is in DC. I know it’s active in Loudoun and many friends have had good experiences with it there.

[Anonymous]

I divorced my wimp of an ex two years ago after 8 years of marriage and remarried an electrician and couldn’t be happier. Although the ex earned great money as a lawyer, I realized I needed more than just a housemate who just played video games in his free time and that it wasn’t my responsibility to frustratingly try to change him. I got custody (uncontested) of the two daughters (now 7 and 5) and we took a hit in standard of living, but after remarrying a man who invests his time and energy in making our modest house a home and spending time teaching the children how to fish, boat, plant, work with tools, be self-reliant and DIY I am so much more content. The ex additionally hasn't seen daughters in a year and continues to cancel visitation. Daughters do call DH daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wimp of an ex two years ago after 8 years of marriage and remarried an electrician and couldn’t be happier. Although the ex earned great money as a lawyer, I realized I needed more than just a housemate who just played video games in his free time and that it wasn’t my responsibility to frustratingly try to change him. I got custody (uncontested) of the two daughters (now 7 and 5) and we took a hit in standard of living, but after remarrying a man who invests his time and energy in making our modest house a home and spending time teaching the children how to fish, boat, plant, work with tools, be self-reliant and DIY I am so much more content. The ex additionally hasn't seen daughters in a year and continues to cancel visitation. Daughters do call DH daddy.

So are you suggesting that OP should divorce her husband and find a new one who is handy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wimp of an ex two years ago after 8 years of marriage and remarried an electrician and couldn’t be happier. Although the ex earned great money as a lawyer, I realized I needed more than just a housemate who just played video games in his free time and that it wasn’t my responsibility to frustratingly try to change him. I got custody (uncontested) of the two daughters (now 7 and 5) and we took a hit in standard of living, but after remarrying a man who invests his time and energy in making our modest house a home and spending time teaching the children how to fish, boat, plant, work with tools, be self-reliant and DIY I am so much more content. The ex additionally hasn't seen daughters in a year and continues to cancel visitation. Daughters do call DH daddy.

So are you suggesting that OP should divorce her husband and find a new one who is handy?

she has child support, so living the lawyer's standard of living without having to deal with a DH putting in the hours to make that kind of money win/win. Hopefully she's smart enough to save some of that lawyer money for when the kids leave for college and the checks stop

[Anonymous]

My daughter loved those Saturday morning free project days at Home Depot. You show up at 10 AM or something and then hand you a package with pre-cut pieces and some tools and you build a bird house or whatever. Great way to get started. My sister is a single mom and she has taken classes at Home Depot to learn how to build raised beds, etc.
It's also good to demonstrate to your kids that adults can learn things, and that sometimes when you are learning something you make mistakes and have to go back and see where you messed up the directions, etc. My husband and I recently put together a Pergo floor in our house, and we learned a lot.
Also, buy some of that cheap furniture online from someplace like Wayfair and have the whole family get involved in putting it together.
second the suggestion regarding girl scout camp. Great way to learn skills!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced my wimp of an ex two years ago after 8 years of marriage and remarried an electrician and couldn’t be happier. Although the ex earned great money as a lawyer, I realized I needed more than just a housemate who just played video games in his free time and that it wasn’t my responsibility to frustratingly try to change him. I got custody (uncontested) of the two daughters (now 7 and 5) and we took a hit in standard of living, but after remarrying a man who invests his time and energy in making our modest house a home and spending time teaching the children how to fish, boat, plant, work with tools, be self-reliant and DIY I am so much more content. The ex additionally hasn't seen daughters in a year and continues to cancel visitation. Daughters do call DH daddy.

So are you suggesting that OP should divorce her husband and find a new one who is handy?

PP is a troll. Do you know any women who would divorce a lawyer to marry a handy electrician?!

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to model for my children that I don't always have the answers but I I am resourceful and can problem solve and I can learn.

I do agree about taking swimming lessons when we're not in the middle of a pandemic. My cousin used to offer swimming classes for adults (many of her clientele were people who did not have easy access to pools or swimming lessons as children. ) I think it could be very powerful to show your children that just because you're not. Doesn't mean you stop learning or trying new things

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the posts that you can learn together. It can be fun and humanizing. My husband isn't handy at all, but I am. So much of it is just the courage to give it a shot - YouTube is your friend. My dad always said "If you are gonna have to pay a guy to do it anyway, why not try it yourself first? Just try not to make it a lot worse." Do not try electric or plumbing on your own though. Also I'm a terrible housekeeper and cook.

[Anonymous]

My father raised me to value paying other people to complete the tasks I cannot do- either because I don't know how or because I don't have time. He always made it clear that we were supporting a small business and that the service they were providing us was valuable and worth the cost. I don't know how to do much (unless I take specific steps to learn) BUT I also never second guess myself if I need to pay for a service.

DH was raised to believe that paying someone else to do anything was unacceptable. His father did everything that needed to be done, even if it was subpar or took him years. DH learned a few skills, but mostly he learned to feel guilty about outsourcing. He doesn't know how to outsource- doesn't trust anyone, can't filter through recommendations, can't take a risk, hates talking to service people, etc. He doesn't ever want to outsource- but he also doesn't have time to do anything. It either doesn't get done or it is on me- to convince him, find someone, manage it, etc.

Teaching your kids what my father did is valuable.

[Anonymous]

Teaching your kids to swim is a life skill And it’s essential for kids to be safe. It’s never too late to learn. All of you should take swimming lessons—mom included.

Bike riding, to me, is also a basic skill that kids should learn. And it’s not hard to learn to hike - get sturdy shoes, pack a back pack of snacks and water, bug spray, sun screen, etc. and go check out some trails in Rock Creek. Just hike out and back or pick a simple loop trail and bring a trail map.

If you want to learn to garden, start with some small house plants. Learn how to change a tire on You Tube. Then teach the kids when they get old enough. Take responsibility for teaching kids basic life skills - you’ve already identified a lot of them. And yes, financial literacy is important too. Also, exposing your kids to things matters a lot. Maybe they will be a great swimmer or a gardener or skiier - but only if they are exposed to these things. If you don’t expose kids to things they are not likely to develop any interest in them. Some of parenting is just exposure - even to things you may not be good at.

[Anonymous]

Learn with your kids. It's probably good for them to see that adults don't know everything, but can be willing and able to learn. No parent can teach their kids everything; teach your kids what you know, and learn what you don't (that you think you need to know or want to know).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father raised me to value paying other people to complete the tasks I cannot do- either because I don't know how or because I don't have time. He always made it clear that we were supporting a small business and that the service they were providing us was valuable and worth the cost. I don't know how to do much (unless I take specific steps to learn) BUT I also never second guess myself if I need to pay for a service.

DH was raised to believe that paying someone else to do anything was unacceptable. His father did everything that needed to be done, even if it was subpar or took him years. DH learned a few skills, but mostly he learned to feel guilty about outsourcing. He doesn't know how to outsource- doesn't trust anyone, can't filter through recommendations, can't take a risk, hates talking to service people, etc. He doesn't ever want to outsource- but he also doesn't have time to do anything. It either doesn't get done or it is on me- to convince him, find someone, manage it, etc.

Teaching your kids what my father did is valuable.

This is totally my DH. He's come around to hiring help for things but it definitely irks him to not do it himself. I could do that! He insists and then I have to insist that you don't have time to do it! And, he's so critical of every contractor, certain he could do it better

[Anonymous]

It's fine for your husband to not be handy, but it's not fine to be lazy. He sounds lazy. Going on a hike or walk or going to the playground with your kids is not a skill that needs to be learned; you just do it.

It's imperative that your kids learn how to swim, and frankly you should learn too. If you have the money for it, when COVID is over hire a private instructor to teach all of you.

For everything else, I agree with the others - look up how to do things online and learn together. This doesn't mean you can't outsource, but just that you don't have to outsource EVERYTHING. COVID times are especially good for having a reason to clean your own house - reduces exposure to others!