Need to vent--only parent working

[Anonymous]

Single mom here.

KidPass
Tent for the garden
Skateboard and roller skates
STEM games
Friggin slime ingredients and Tik Toc
Zoom play dates
New iPad apps, like Civilization
TED-ED

We also do things together, like make dinner and clean up. They know to hush when I’m on a call and I use headphones when I need to focus.

My children are 8 and 10, which means their old enough for independent play. When Jeff Bezos becomes a trillionaire, I’ll know I played a part.

DH can enrich all of these activities. No doubt. Teaching the children to take ownership of their day isn’t the worst outcome. Hopefully he’ll step up. In the meantime, you need to focus on getting your work done. So, hello Amazon!!

You know, XH taught me how to be a Single Mom. I loved caring for my babies! Spent all day, every day enjoying them. It made me feel ridiculous, seeing him on the sofa with that damn iPad, while I parented. It robbed me of some of the joy I felt. It’s awful feeling lonely in a marriage.

Do what you can to provide fun, educational experiences for the children. It may awaken the teacher in DH, if not the husband and father part.

It sucks, OP.

[Anonymous]

Just go work in your office...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a full time job that is very demanding, even more so now that we have to work at home. My spouse has a job that doesn't require day-to-day work over the summer. Usually our kids would be at camp, but not this summer for obvious reasons. It is a daily struggle to get my spouse to engage the kids and get them out of the house every day. I set up playdates. I suggest going to a pool. I suggest day trips. Most of the time he goes along with what i suggest but takes no initiative do anything. I'm sick of my kids coming to me and saying they're bored and asking me to play with them. I wish I could but I HAVE TO WORK! I'm just worn out and mad right now.

Man, that's a lot of daily nagging. Stop nagging your spouse.

Agree. Your spouse should have a few suggestions for you.

[Anonymous]

We are in the middle of a pandemic. It is not a normal summer.

That being said, if you are urging him to take kids on play dates, pool, outings, you should send the kids to some activities.

I’m a SAHM and DH is a physician so has been back to work for a month. My kids have been playing tennis everyday. There are a lot of outdoor activities- soccer, baseball, tennis, swimming, etc.

In most families, the mom handles the activities. We know 2 families where the dad does everything. One dad has a stay at home wife but he still does everything. Other dad stays home and has a law partner wife. I have never seen that mom at a school, cub scouts or sporting event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the middle of a pandemic. It is not a normal summer.

That being said, if you are urging him to take kids on play dates, pool, outings, you should send the kids to some activities.

I’m a SAHM and DH is a physician so has been back to work for a month. My kids have been playing tennis everyday. There are a lot of outdoor activities- soccer, baseball, tennis, swimming, etc.

In most families, the mom handles the activities. We know 2 families where the dad does everything. One dad has a stay at home wife but he still does everything. Other dad stays home and has a law partner wife. I have never seen that mom at a school, cub scouts or sporting event.

OP is a Work from Home Mom with a DH at home, not working or parenting. It’s apples and pineapples. Not the same situation at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[vimeo]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a full time job that is very demanding, even more so now that we have to work at home. My spouse has a job that doesn't require day-to-day work over the summer. Usually our kids would be at camp, but not this summer for obvious reasons. It is a daily struggle to get my spouse to engage the kids and get them out of the house every day. I set up playdates. I suggest going to a pool. I suggest day trips. Most of the time he goes along with what i suggest but takes no initiative do anything. I'm sick of my kids coming to me and saying they're bored and asking me to play with them. I wish I could but I HAVE TO WORK! I'm just worn out and mad right now.

Man, that's a lot of daily nagging. Stop nagging your spouse.

I’m amazed at what people call “nagging.” A spouse who needs these kinds of prompts is failing, and you’re blaming the victim for having the bare minimum of expectations.

This is OP--thank you for this response. I can assure the poster who says I'm nagging that it couldn't be farther from the truth. How is it nagging to suggest that my spouse engage the kids in some activity instead of looking their phone for hours at a time--while the kids do the same. I'm not saying they need to be out and about 8 hours a day--just do something active/fun to break up the monotomy.

Here's the thing - if you're going to leave him in charge of the kids, then he gets to decide how he is going to spend that time with them. Now, if what happens is that they are on their iPads all day until you call them down to help with dinner and then they have crappy attitudes because they've been staring at screens all day, then he gets to deal with them. Otherwise, you need to let him be a parent and not treat him like a hired hand.

I mean...is it really fine with you if your kids are on screens all day long, every day? The idea that he is “in charge” by putting them in front of iPads all day is laughable. The standards we hold men to are just a joke.

I’m the PP you responded to. It is absolutely not ok with me for my kids to be on screens all day. In fact, my kids rarely get screens. However, OP apparently married someone who doesn’t care for their children, so she can either continue doing what she’s doing and see no change, she can divorce the man child she decided to procreate with, or she can acknowledge that this is reality for right now and let it go. My husband and I both work full-time but lately my job has been more demanding so he has been taking the kids out every day for outdoor activities and feeding them and bathing the young ones and doing their laundry. Because I won’t be married to someone who can’t parent their own kids. But that’s not where OP is, is it?

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read all the previous responses so this might be repetitive. One thing that comes to my mind that could be useful, is making a calendar at the beginning of the week with all the activities and planned downtime for your DH. Have one outside activity, some online educational time, some just entertainment screen time, and some free play - lego, toys, books etc. Do you have a backyard pool? Our inflatable one has been one of the best purchases this summer.

[Anonymous]

You husband needs to step up, but you've also got to let the schedule go.

I think the first step is you talk to him and tell him you need an uninterrupted workday and can he agree?

Then discuss what you and he think the kids should be doing. I agree he's being a slacker, but are both of you on the same page about what the kids should be doing? Having him acknowledge that he doesn't think the kids should be in iPads all day is much more effective than telling him he's failing.

Then let him go and manage things. If he can't manage it then you need to find a place to work outside of the home.