What if your kid's a shoplifter

[Anonymous]

I did a handful of times. Seems like I’m the outlier but I did it to get things to “keep up” with the other kids and fit in. We had enough, but I shopped at TJMaxx not the mall stores. I also took an expensive eyeliner from a drug store. I didn’t have the money but I also didn’t ask my mom. This is why I’m a huge proponent of school uniforms. I wouldn’t have stolen if I wasn’t trying to keep up with the girls with brand name wardrobes.

[Anonymous]

I did it as a tween/teen in the 80s. I followed other friends that referred to stealing as the "five fingers discount" - it was a pretty typical activity where I grew up. I was a generally happy kid - no idea why I did it, except it was what the cool kids were doing. The first few times it was candy from a local drug store after school. But the first time I did anything bigger - Maybelline blush at the mall - I was caught by mall security. I was 13. They flashed a badge in front of all of my friends and took me to the police station in a police car, fingerprinted me, and had me call my parents. I was so hysterical the policeman took the phone from me to tell my parents to come get me. My parents picked me up and my mom cried the whole way home. I don't know why I did it, but I still feel remorse and shame til this day for how upset my wonderful parents were. I had to go to family court and luckily as a minor it was not on my record but I always worried it would come up again. Never stole again - and ironically ended up working in a drug store where I could have stolen very easily. No therapy or deep analysis about the incident ever took place - but I learned my lesson the hard way. As to why, I was young, impressionable, a follower, and yes, I did have ADHD, so generally impulsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

You're being willfully obtuse. Stealing is risky behavior and a symptom of ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you catch them at it, you need to march them back in and make a big deal about it, to deter them from doing it again. I would randomly search their room now and then to be sure it doesn’t happen again.

It’s an impulsive thing that kids experiment with, and it gives some kids a charge because of the risk involved. If it continues, it can be a sign of more serious issues. If so, the kid needs help.

Did that twice. She only got worse. Now I am setting up appt with local cop to have a talk to her.

You're lucky that she didn't get a criminal record out of your lesson.

[Anonymous]

I honestly cannot fathom ever doing anything like this and I am really surprised so many people here have said they did it. I would have had zero desire experience the holy hammer of hell that my parents would have brought down, plus I would have felt like a total loser. And it is just wrong. I don't get it. All I see here are excuses and it makes me worry about humanity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly cannot fathom ever doing anything like this and I am really surprised so many people here have said they did it. I would have had zero desire experience the holy hammer of hell that my parents would have brought down, plus I would have felt like a total loser. And it is just wrong. I don't get it. All I see here are excuses and it makes me worry about humanity.

Oh look, the paragon of humanity! Thank you for humbling yourself to post here, goddess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly cannot fathom ever doing anything like this and I am really surprised so many people here have said they did it. I would have had zero desire experience the holy hammer of hell that my parents would have brought down, plus I would have felt like a total loser. And it is just wrong. I don't get it. All I see here are excuses and it makes me worry about humanity.

Oh look, the paragon of humanity! Thank you for humbling yourself to post here, goddess.

No NP here and I don't understand parents of shoplifters and their justifications. Beyond say age of 10 (mental age) you know its wrong to steal somebody else's and a) shoplifting is not a victimless crime, you are ruining the store/person and making it more expensive for others who won't be able to afford to buy b) nobody here needs more stuff there is too much stuff already try giving away what you have and you will 100% feel better!

[Anonymous]

I was 12 when I went through a bit shoplifting stage. In my case I am pretty sure it was desperate acting out because of continued sexual abuse in my house.

I don't think that is what is going on for a lot of shoplifting kids/teens, but in my case it was closely related.

I got caught shoplifting in the store my mom worked at. It was horrible and shameful and I never did it again.

[Anonymous]

Then you failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I shoplifted once when I was about 14, a candy bar. It was pure stupidity: I literally just wanted to see if I could do it or not. I got away with it, ate the candy, decided that I had accomplished absolutely nothing by stealing it except being a lame "rebel" and feeling a bit guilty, and did not shoplift again. I got no rush or enjoyment out of it. I guess if I had, I might be in a different place by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then you failed as a parent.

We’ve all failed at some point.

Teens do dumb stuff, just to see if they can do it. It doesn’t make it okay, or a parental failure.

[Anonymous]

You chop their hands off. Just kidding, although this is one form of sentencing I wish we had in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

I went through a phase in my late thirties when I shoplifted. I would always do it while buying other things so I could pretend it was an oversight if I ever got caught. I got caught once and stopped. I’ve never understood why I did it. I think back on that time and I’m just baffled.

[Anonymous]

I think most kids shoplift at least once to test boundaries or as a result of peer pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most kids shoplift at least once to test boundaries or as a result of peer pressure.

No, they don’t.