What if your kid's a shoplifter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

[Anonymous]

My now college aged son got caught shoplifting at 16 from Macys. Two things that blew me away: 1) he had money, debit card and a job, 2) he stole a bottle of cologne, the next bottle he already owned, and had more than a half bottle left. I think it's the company he was keeping. I think he was helping his friend who was with him, but he wouldn't talk about it. His friend has been caught numerous times since then, and has had charges brought against him. Still, it was his doing. My son was on camera, caught by security, and his friend ran to the food court. He still refuses to talk about it. He lost his car, phone, and all privileges for 6 months. The store did not press charges, but he was expelled from Macy's for two years.

Eventually the friend moved away. We haven't had any issues since. He maintained good grades, got into college and is doing well.

Good luck figuring this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

You completely missed the point.

[Anonymous]

Interesting no poster has said that they felt remorse, guilt or other feelings of regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

I’m the PP with ADHD that used to be a shoplifter. It’s not an excuse or the only reason but it definitely contributes.

I don’t really feel guilty about it. It didn’t really hurt anyone except my own integrity and self-respect, and now I have to live with that. I do feel shame, which is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was a shoplifter. And, the other day, I was self checking out at the grocery store and I had a piece of fish that the scanner could not read the code. I put it aside to return, but when I packed up my groceries, I must have inadvertently threw it in a bag. Unintentional, but I shoplifted. Other than this, no, I haven't shoplifted.

But, back to my kid. At first I would try to take what he stole. But after awhile, I realized it was out of my control. I cannot follow him around. I cannot search his room everyday. But, I will not pay for a lawyer if he gets caught. Once, when I was with him, I returned the merchandise. But that was the only time.

Eventually, I sent him to residential treatment. Shoplifting is not the only issue and it's a symptom not the real issue. That was helpful, but it did not completely fix it. Not too long after that, things finally clicked in his life (lots of therapy in addition the the treatment as well as other things falling into place). At that point, he just stopped. But he has been banned from at least four stores that I know of. I think we are now at about three months from the last episode and that is probably the longest in years. Of course, he spent probably 75% of the past three years in hospitals and treatment programs so the amount of shoplifting is probably not as bad as I made it sound.

FWIW, I am horrified by it. I felt and feel completely helpless. If he had been arrested, it might have been better for us because the state would have paid for his treatment through the juvenile justice system instead of me paying for it. But, on the other hand, I got to pick the treatment center and hospitals and they were excellent, so no regrets on that point.

Good luck OP. I know many people whose kids shoplifted. Many got caught and arrested. They had to pay restitution. All grew up ok.

I don’t know where you live, but the state doesn’t always pay for treatment outpatient if it is court ordered. There is typically a sliding fee scale, but no guarantee of free outpatient treatment. Kids who are incarcerated receive services from the facility where they are held, but I wouldn’t want that. And, interestingly, parents of kids who go to a residential placement are charged for child support payments.

[Anonymous]

One of my private school student's classmates did this and went to juvie for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

I’m the PP with ADHD that used to be a shoplifter. It’s not an excuse or the only reason but it definitely contributes.

I don’t really feel guilty about it. It didn’t really hurt anyone except my own integrity and self-respect, and now I have to live with that. I do feel shame, which is different.

You sound like a real winner. What you did was wrong. Stealing is wrong. What a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

I shoplifted with my girlfriends when I was a tween. But then we were caught and I NEVER shoplifted again. My parents grounded me for 3 weeks. But really; getting caught was what shook me up- it also made me realize what I was doing.
I had a friend with chronic shoplifting problems (from friends and stores) even after getting caught. She has some mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

I’m the PP with ADHD that used to be a shoplifter. It’s not an excuse or the only reason but it definitely contributes.

I don’t really feel guilty about it. It didn’t really hurt anyone except my own integrity and self-respect, and now I have to live with that. I do feel shame, which is different.

You sound like a real winner. What you did was wrong. Stealing is wrong. What a narcissist.

I never said it wasn’t wrong, and I’m not a narcissist. It was wrong, I just don’t feel particularly guilty about it. I feel ashamed that I did it. I feel very guilty about things I have done in my life that hurt people. Shoplifting isn’t one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you catch them at it, you need to march them back in and make a big deal about it, to deter them from doing it again. I would randomly search their room now and then to be sure it doesn’t happen again.

It’s an impulsive thing that kids experiment with, and it gives some kids a charge because of the risk involved. If it continues, it can be a sign of more serious issues. If so, the kid needs help.

Did that twice. She only got worse. Now I am setting up appt with local cop to have a talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

Research shows 55% of the incarcerated have ADHD. It’s a developmental disorder that can come from genetics, brain trauma or severe emotional trauma (eg sexual or domestic abuse). It is an actual disorder that effects dopamine and epinephrine levels, making it extremely different to mange impulse control.

Would you tell a deaf person to listen harder? A blind person to open their eyes? This is EXACTLY the same thing. That’s why you can get an IEP for ADHD and even, gasp!, Social Security benefits!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I shoplift a lot. I got caught once and was able to get it off my record. Since then I do it a lot less. For me it’s an impulse control thing. I have ADHD. I’m not proud of it but it’s hard to stop, it’s like a compulsion.

Stop using ADHD as an excuse for your stealing.

+1 millions of people have adhd and they don't shoplift.

My niece did it when she was in HS. She said it was to see if she could get away with it, but she was a troubled girl back then.

I’m the PP with ADHD that used to be a shoplifter. It’s not an excuse or the only reason but it definitely contributes.

I don’t really feel guilty about it. It didn’t really hurt anyone except my own integrity and self-respect, and now I have to live with that. I do feel shame, which is different.

You sound like a real winner. What you did was wrong. Stealing is wrong. What a narcissist.

Actually, you sound like a much bigger threat to society that the person your are scolding. All the problems in the world and go with that kind of language for shoplifting? Looks like you don’t get to go in the winner pile either.

[Anonymous]

PP, why did you ban electronics as the punishment? Wouldn’t it make more sense to ban DD from going to stores?

[Anonymous]

Our kid did it as an early teen. Dragged her to every store to return the item and confess to each manager.

She never did it again and that day made a BIG impression on her.