Only child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try having a second

+1. Only children are kind of odd. It’s hard to develop a thick skin whenever everyone you live with is nice to you, treats you fairly, and talks to you like your thoughts and opinions matter.

You know who is kind of odd? the person who thinks everyone needs a sibling.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a delightful, engaging, musically and academically successful only child who is 14 and has never wished for a sibling. I'm not sure why you "hated" being an only child, but most kids thrive when they are the center of their parent(s)' world. Is it possible you did not get what you needed from the adults in your life?

I have two siblings and don't care for either of them. The grass isn't always greener and I always wished to be an only child.

I would focus on nourishing the strengths your child has and maximizing their potential. Listen to your child and then listen some more. Your child will lead you.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and read the One and Only book because someone recommended it here at some point and I didn’t like it. It’s basically the author justifying why she has just one child. If you are a parent and looking for reassurance to just have one child, read that book. I find that she generalizes way too much. I will confess that I hate being an only child and wish I have a sibling. I’m not trying to start a debate here but that was my experience. It is only now that I have two kids of my own that I realized how lonely I was. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised an only child in a completely normal, loving house. Never wanted a sibling. My parents supported me without spoiling me. I had a great childhood and continue to have a good relationship with my parents now that I am an adult.

The number of siblings DO NOT matter. I have friends with siblings who hate each other. Another had 3 siblings and had an abusive father. No family is perfect.

People on this board need to get over the only child shaming. It's insulting and hurtful.

❤️ Thanks for posting. People are unbelievably cruel about only children.

+1 though I wouldn't go so far as "cruel." Maybe more "unimaginative and self-focused" because they cannot picture a family where everyone is fine with an only child, including the child herself.

I said cruel, because it is downright cruel to tell the many people didn’t get to choose their family size that their family is and always will be inferior. I have an only not by choice.

I do think the unhappy onlieis out there idealize sibling relationships to an incredible degree. For every pair of close siblings, there’s a pair that do nothing but torment each other. And if they have a poor relationship with their parents, then they should know that abusive households do not generally foster closest sibling relationships. There’s one woman here who posts all the time, or used to, about how cold and distant and lonely her childhood was. If she had had a sibling, the chances are that they would not have been close. Cold abusive families just don’t set kids up for good bonds.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I have two siblings and we rarely talk. Very different people who I have little in common with.

Enjoy the heck out of your only!

[Anonymous]

Single mom by choice her of an only child. Wouldn't have it any other way. Life is pretty much a fun breeze.

[Anonymous]

I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.

I have an only and it is staying that way.

[Anonymous]

I would have loved being on only child! We were 3 and my parents did not have much money. Every little material detail of our life was negotiated. College was on our own dime (I also paid my own grad school). I was so sick of hearing my parents say "There are 3 of you. That's a lot of food and clothing to pay for" every time I needed a new shirt or whatever.

Siblings and i were not close --life was just stressful and we all went our own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.

I have an only and it is staying that way.

The American culture does not foster close sibling relationship. It is very different from the Latino or Asian culture where family is much closer and important.

[Anonymous]

I had 3 siblings. Fought like wild cats as kids and teens. Now talk a few times a year, max. One I haven't spoken to in a decade+. I would have LOVED to be an only child. Really and truly.

My only child is confident, smart, and funny. Tried for years to have another, but it just wasn't in the cards.

Is he lonely w/o a sibling? Yes, and he would love to have one because all of his friends have at least one sibling. He hates going home after play dates when he's had a blast; he loves coming home after play dates when the siblings fought the whole time. His life is good and our little family is happy. Pre-covid we hosted at least two play dates every week and we go out of our way so he can participate in activities that fit his interests and support friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and read the One and Only book because someone recommended it here at some point and I didn’t like it. It’s basically the author justifying why she has just one child. If you are a parent and looking for reassurance to just have one child, read that book. I find that she generalizes way too much. I will confess that I hate being an only child and wish I have a sibling. I’m not trying to start a debate here but that was my experience. It is only now that I have two kids of my own that I realized how lonely I was. YMMV.

It's quite a different read, I think, if the reader is a parent of an only child than it would be for an adult only child who has only negative memories of growing up without siblings. I'm not saying you should have liked the book or it should have magically changed your perception of how you grew up--not at all. Just that it's not a book that is going to alter anything for an adult only child, but it can give a parent of an only child who's still growing up a perspective that is a refreshing change from the attitudes of those who push parents to "have a sibling for your poor lonely only" etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.

I have an only and it is staying that way.

The American culture does not foster close sibling relationship. It is very different from the Latino or Asian culture where family is much closer and important.

DP. The comment in bold is pretty much stereotyping--not only of American culture but of the "Latino or Asian" cultures you seem to think are pretty monolithic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try having a second

+1. Only children are kind of odd. It’s hard to develop a thick skin whenever everyone you live with is nice to you, treats you fairly, and talks to you like your thoughts and opinions matter.

Huh. You obviously haven't been to my house, where my child is constantly treated unfairly and talked to like they do not matter.



OP what is your questions? Being an only child or having one is not "a condition."

So you’re saying adults are bullying your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of 3 and I talk to my siblings once or twice a year, usually just about our elderly parents. Haven't seen either in 11 years. We are spread all over the US (Virginia, Hawaii, Alaska) and don't have anything in common. We are each only 18 months apart. We had our own friends and interests growing up and that continues til today. I guess we will run into one another at our parents' funerals.

I have an only and it is staying that way.

The American culture does not foster close sibling relationship. It is very different from the Latino or Asian culture where family is much closer and important.

DP. The comment in bold is pretty much stereotyping--not only of American culture but of the "Latino or Asian" cultures you seem to think are pretty monolithic.

I’m sorry to hear that you do not have a close knit, supportive and loving family. I hope you are modeling better for your DC. asian cultures can be distant in expressed feelings too- it’s all supposed to be implied through action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what help OP is asking for. I have an only. Its been hard for her during this period because she is lonely. Is that what you mean OP?

OP here. I am unable to have another. I am looking for help/resources on how to parent DC successfully. I was an only for a long time until my parents had a late in life child and I hated being an only and was so happy for my sibling (we are very close). I feel very sad I cannot give this to DC.

Really sorry OP. Your DC will be 100% fine and happy... if YOU really want another, maybe consider adoption?