WWYD: Grandparents Unhappy in Assisted Living and Want to Move Home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if they BOTH have varying amounts of dementia combined with health issues, I don't see how they can live in another setting besides AL.

Assisted living isn’t very safe right now for Covid reasons so insisting that they stay there might kill them.
My parents are physically disabled and have dementia and we adopted the house so that they can stay at home. We hired 24 seven care which costs $175,000 a year. My mom also kicked a lot of people out at first but somehow now she has evolved. I don’t think you know whether or not the nurses are mean.It’s possible they are. Having them at home does require work and oversight on my part. It’s very expensive so I don’t know if your parents can afford that but if they can I would let them do it given covid.

While writing this, did it ever occur to you how INSENSITIVE you are? The average income is way below $175K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if they BOTH have varying amounts of dementia combined with health issues, I don't see how they can live in another setting besides AL.

Assisted living isn’t very safe right now for Covid reasons so insisting that they stay there might kill them.
My parents are physically disabled and have dementia and we adopted the house so that they can stay at home. We hired 24 seven care which costs $175,000 a year. My mom also kicked a lot of people out at first but somehow now she has evolved. I don’t think you know whether or not the nurses are mean.It’s possible they are. Having them at home does require work and oversight on my part. It’s very expensive so I don’t know if your parents can afford that but if they can I would let them do it given covid.

While writing this, did it ever occur to you how INSENSITIVE you are? The average income is way below $175K.

Isnt this why you save for retirement? $175k isn't that much if 2 people worked and saved for 50 years. So if they retired and determined thry can pay thrmselves $150k/yr and their kids kick in the resr thst could be reasonable.

[Anonymous]

NP. My dad was a blue collar worker and my mom stayed at home. Sure, they saved for retirement, but never to the tune of needing $175,000 a year. I don't get involved in their finances, but I know they live on way less than six figures. Granted, lower cost of living, but 24 hours care is astronomically expensive no matter where you are. Back in the early '70s when my parents made these decisions, one blue collar income and a stay at home mom was a reasonable choice.

By the way, it sounds like that $175k is JUST for care. What about all the other costs of just living? Food, utilities, housing (yay if the home is paid off, but their are still property taxes), clothing, other medical costs medicare doesn't cover, and so on.

[Anonymous]

Why can't they have another chance to live independently with health aides? Maybe now that they understand the alternative they will make it work. I don't ever want to live in one of those places.

My neighbor is full on 100% dementia and lives alone with health aides on a rotation and visits from his adult children a couple times a week. Everyone involved seems happy enough with the situation.

[Anonymous]

move to a different city to be closer to extended family

We need to know more about this. Do any of their children live in this area? Can they afford to live in that area. OP, why aren't YOUR parents/aunts/uncles the ones asking/wondering this .. why are you posting.

[Anonymous]

Not being able to leave their room is because of covid19.

Wait it out. The family needs to know how much of their unhappiness is due to covid19 restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if they BOTH have varying amounts of dementia combined with health issues, I don't see how they can live in another setting besides AL.

Assisted living isn’t very safe right now for Covid reasons so insisting that they stay there might kill them.
My parents are physically disabled and have dementia and we adopted the house so that they can stay at home. We hired 24 seven care which costs $175,000 a year. My mom also kicked a lot of people out at first but somehow now she has evolved. I don’t think you know whether or not the nurses are mean.It’s possible they are. Having them at home does require work and oversight on my part. It’s very expensive so I don’t know if your parents can afford that but if they can I would let them do it given covid.

While writing this, did it ever occur to you how INSENSITIVE you are? The average income is way below $175K.

Isnt this why you save for retirement? $175k isn't that much if 2 people worked and saved for 50 years. So if they retired and determined thry can pay thrmselves $150k/yr and their kids kick in the resr thst could be reasonable.

Whaaaaaat are you talking about?

In 2018, half of all older households received less than $41,125 in yearly income from all sources.

[Anonymous]

Someone needs to investigate power of attorney and someone else needs to not worry about the OP's finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel for you. Really.
But to be fair to your grandparents, this is NOT what they signed up for. Most assisted living facilities went on state-ordered total lockdown in mid-March. So when they say they literally can’t leave their rooms...they can’t.
(Maybe they’ll be able to soon...but that part has been true)
Also, the caregivers in these facilities have a tough job. Really tough. And they don’t get paid very much. And while I consider many of them to be angels on earth, not ALL of them are...and they do lose their patience, snap at residence, and screw up the meds from time to time. There are usually three shifts of staff at the residential facilities. Do you know all caregivers on each shift? Don’t discount what they say.

I know it’s hard, but they are unhappy. If they want to move home, then they move home.

X1000000

[Anonymous]

If they want to move, then let them and hire someone to be with them. You sound like a control freak. Your children will treat you the same way.

I do not believe they have dementia as they would not have been allowed to move into assisted living if they had dementia.