To post or not to post...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Parents can be so insecure about milestones and some may have kids who are quite a bit behind for various reasons. If hate to make them feel less than even for a second.

But you should definitely send the video to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles!

NP. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but this is over the top. I mean, I tend to think social media is stupid and rarely post anything or react to things but I don’t live my life in fear of insulting someone else. How can you?

I don't live in fear, I just try to put myself in the shoes of some of my Facebook contacts. I have very good friends who have dealt with infertility and others who are disabled or have disabled kids, and one whose kid is waiting for a lung transplant. That's just the ones I know about. And I know for a fact this would upset some of them, because they have confided in me. Sure you have every right to post what you want. I just wouldn't. I would send it to family members or friends I knew would be happy to see it.

Curious, what do you post?

Are you never posting anything about your children at all because that could upset an infertile friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Parents can be so insecure about milestones and some may have kids who are quite a bit behind for various reasons. If hate to make them feel less than even for a second.

But you should definitely send the video to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles!

NP. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but this is over the top. I mean, I tend to think social media is stupid and rarely post anything or react to things but I don’t live my life in fear of insulting someone else. How can you?

I don't live in fear, I just try to put myself in the shoes of some of my Facebook contacts. I have very good friends who have dealt with infertility and others who are disabled or have disabled kids, and one whose kid is waiting for a lung transplant. That's just the ones I know about. And I know for a fact this would upset some of them, because they have confided in me. Sure you have every right to post what you want. I just wouldn't. I would send it to family members or friends I knew would be happy to see it.

You have friends struggling with infertility - does that mean you have never posted a picture of your children on Facebook?

[Anonymous]

That's quite an achievement, OP! Please post!

In this culture where everyone gets a trophy, it's easy to get confused between what's exceptional and what's not. This is post-worthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely no commentary. I wouldn't post to any moms groups. Is the video actually that cute or is the point really "my kid is riding a bike at 2!"

I mean honestly, why do you need to post your kid's milestones on facebook... that is the real question. Why don't you just send a video to your relatives/close friends?

No, don’t do this. Posting on fb/Instagram/Snapchat gives me the option of engaging or scrolling by. I don’t want your giant videos sent to me, I feel I obligated to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Parents can be so insecure about milestones and some may have kids who are quite a bit behind for various reasons. If hate to make them feel less than even for a second.

But you should definitely send the video to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles!

NP. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but this is over the top. I mean, I tend to think social media is stupid and rarely post anything or react to things but I don’t live my life in fear of insulting someone else. How can you?

I don't live in fear, I just try to put myself in the shoes of some of my Facebook contacts. I have very good friends who have dealt with infertility and others who are disabled or have disabled kids, and one whose kid is waiting for a lung transplant. That's just the ones I know about. And I know for a fact this would upset some of them, because they have confided in me. Sure you have every right to post what you want. I just wouldn't. I would send it to family members or friends I knew would be happy to see it.

You have friends struggling with infertility - does that mean you have never posted a picture of your children on Facebook?

Actually in my case yes, though those friends have met and love my kids in person so the fact I don't post pictures of them at all is not related to the topic at hand. Why do you care so much about my perspectives? OP wanted opinions and that is mine. You're allowed to have a different one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Parents can be so insecure about milestones and some may have kids who are quite a bit behind for various reasons. If hate to make them feel less than even for a second.

But you should definitely send the video to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles!

NP. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but this is over the top. I mean, I tend to think social media is stupid and rarely post anything or react to things but I don’t live my life in fear of insulting someone else. How can you?

I don't live in fear, I just try to put myself in the shoes of some of my Facebook contacts. I have very good friends who have dealt with infertility and others who are disabled or have disabled kids, and one whose kid is waiting for a lung transplant. That's just the ones I know about. And I know for a fact this would upset some of them, because they have confided in me. Sure you have every right to post what you want. I just wouldn't. I would send it to family members or friends I knew would be happy to see it.

You have friends struggling with infertility - does that mean you have never posted a picture of your children on Facebook?

Actually in my case yes, though those friends have met and love my kids in person so the fact I don't post pictures of them at all is not related to the topic at hand. Why do you care so much about my perspectives? OP wanted opinions and that is mine. You're allowed to have a different one.

You really don’t see how it’s relevant? PPs were trying to understand how extreme your reasoning was. If a line of reasoning leads to absurd conclusions — e.g., its offensive to post a single picture of your kid ever — it makes it less credible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Parents can be so insecure about milestones and some may have kids who are quite a bit behind for various reasons. If hate to make them feel less than even for a second.

But you should definitely send the video to all the grandparents, aunts and uncles!

NP. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings but this is over the top. I mean, I tend to think social media is stupid and rarely post anything or react to things but I don’t live my life in fear of insulting someone else. How can you?

I don't live in fear, I just try to put myself in the shoes of some of my Facebook contacts. I have very good friends who have dealt with infertility and others who are disabled or have disabled kids, and one whose kid is waiting for a lung transplant. That's just the ones I know about. And I know for a fact this would upset some of them, because they have confided in me. Sure you have every right to post what you want. I just wouldn't. I would send it to family members or friends I knew would be happy to see it.

Curious, what do you post?

Are you never posting anything about your children at all because that could upset an infertile friend?

NP here but I never post anything, for a long list of reasons, including this. Social media had become a place to brag and its quite unbecoming.

[Anonymous]

No. I didn't say it was offensive to post a single picture. I don't post pictures of my kids because I don't know if they would want them posted as adults and there is no way to erase things online. When they are older, they can post all they want. I do have pictures of myself, and adult friends and family, posted with their permission. But this is a completely separate issue. The only commonality is that I am perhaps analyzing more deeply the consequences of posting things than you might be (but that may not be true, it could be that you are just reaching different conclusions instead of thoughtlessly going about social media activity). Our risk preferences, personalities, values, cultural norms are very different.

Be careful about jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you. It tends to be alienating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I didn't say it was offensive to post a single picture. I don't post pictures of my kids because I don't know if they would want them posted as adults and there is no way to erase things online. When they are older, they can post all they want. I do have pictures of myself, and adult friends and family, posted with their permission. But this is a completely separate issue. The only commonality is that I am perhaps analyzing more deeply the consequences of posting things than you might be (but that may not be true, it could be that you are just reaching different conclusions instead of thoughtlessly going about social media activity). Our risk preferences, personalities, values, cultural norms are very different.

Be careful about jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you. It tends to be alienating.

This was for the 22:56 PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 year old learned how to ride a pedal bike!

Is posting a video of that to FB annoying?

I feel like it’s braggy because he’s so young. And also annoying bcs no one really cares.

Maybe I answered my own question.

I kinda think the fact that you seem to think it is extra special that your kid learned this at 2 means that it would likely come off as braggy and annoying. I had a friend recently post some video of her 11 month old walking and I thought it was super cute until I read her caption that went on and on about how advanced he is and she can't believe he is walking at 11 months. I haven't had kids that age in a while so I wouldn't have thought walking at 11 months is special (and nor do I think that riding a bike at 2 is special- it is just a thing your kid did). So I think fine to post if you are posting because you are excited the kids is riding a bike but not if you are posting because you think your kid is special for the age that she he doing it.

[Anonymous]

Post it bro

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to question it, don't do it.

This works for me. Including on this site!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I didn't say it was offensive to post a single picture. I don't post pictures of my kids because I don't know if they would want them posted as adults and there is no way to erase things online. When they are older, they can post all they want. I do have pictures of myself, and adult friends and family, posted with their permission. But this is a completely separate issue. The only commonality is that I am perhaps analyzing more deeply the consequences of posting things than you might be (but that may not be true, it could be that you are just reaching different conclusions instead of thoughtlessly going about social media activity). Our risk preferences, personalities, values, cultural norms are very different.

Be careful about jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you. It tends to be alienating.

Do you take everything others say and do as personally as you seem to think everyone takes what you say and do? I don't understand how you can live by analyzing every single decision you make based on how it will affect other people, because there is no way you will (1) ever know how everyone else feels and (2) be able to please everyone unless you never speak in any way, which includes the voice you use when you purchase a house, buy a car, choose which clothes to wear, etc. I had a friend comment once on how a Facebook post of mine provided the ray of sunshine she needed to help brighten the tough day she was having (which I knew nothing about at the time). I don't post often on social media, by the way, and I do tend to find it somewhat toxic and I have removed many people who I no longer desire to follow, but I had no idea that she was experiencing something hard that day. It's also possible that my post simultaneously upset a different friend for some other reason. I suppose you could argue that the grief of one person could not possibly be outweighed by the happiness of another, but my point is that there is no way I would have known that either thing would happen. I happen to have several close friends who have dealt with pregnancy loss, the death of a child, and infertility. But that doesn't mean that they do not find joy in other people's posts of their children. So I think for you to make the assumptions that you do (i.e. jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you), you are actually being really narrow-minded, despite your efforts to sound so much better than everyone who posts on social media.

[Anonymous]

Post! Right now all I want to see are pictures and videos of cute kids and puppies. Covid sux.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I didn't say it was offensive to post a single picture. I don't post pictures of my kids because I don't know if they would want them posted as adults and there is no way to erase things online. When they are older, they can post all they want. I do have pictures of myself, and adult friends and family, posted with their permission. But this is a completely separate issue. The only commonality is that I am perhaps analyzing more deeply the consequences of posting things than you might be (but that may not be true, it could be that you are just reaching different conclusions instead of thoughtlessly going about social media activity). Our risk preferences, personalities, values, cultural norms are very different.

Be careful about jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you. It tends to be alienating.

Do you take everything others say and do as personally as you seem to think everyone takes what you say and do? I don't understand how you can live by analyzing every single decision you make based on how it will affect other people, because there is no way you will (1) ever know how everyone else feels and (2) be able to please everyone unless you never speak in any way, which includes the voice you use when you purchase a house, buy a car, choose which clothes to wear, etc. I had a friend comment once on how a Facebook post of mine provided the ray of sunshine she needed to help brighten the tough day she was having (which I knew nothing about at the time). I don't post often on social media, by the way, and I do tend to find it somewhat toxic and I have removed many people who I no longer desire to follow, but I had no idea that she was experiencing something hard that day. It's also possible that my post simultaneously upset a different friend for some other reason. I suppose you could argue that the grief of one person could not possibly be outweighed by the happiness of another, but my point is that there is no way I would have known that either thing would happen. I happen to have several close friends who have dealt with pregnancy loss, the death of a child, and infertility. But that doesn't mean that they do not find joy in other people's posts of their children. So I think for you to make the assumptions that you do (i.e. jumping to conclusions and creating a narrative that suits you), you are actually being really narrow-minded, despite your efforts to sound so much better than everyone who posts on social media.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friends dealing with miscarriage, infertility and especially the death of a child. I do try to think deeply about how what I do affects others. I have been lucky so far in that my life has been stable so I don't have many "triggers" but I do know other people do, because, like you, I have some close friends and family members who have dealt with deep pain and they have confided in me that seeing posts about kids is sometimes difficult. Of course, neither they nor I think that this should stop people from sharing about their lives. It's just that the OP asked about a particular situation, and based on my life experience, background and all the biases and values that shape me, my decision would be not to post.

So, in answer to your question, no, I don't take most things personally, but yes, I analyze things as much as I can and try to foresee the consequences of my actions, even if that is not ever fully possible.

And while I have anyone's attention, I think this is worth posting even out of context: https://www.justiceforbigfloyd.com/

Have a good weekend, PP, OP, and all, and stay safe.