Puppy indirectly injured me

[Anonymous]

I once knew a family that adopted a dog whose owner had recently died. Apparently the owner had cancer and the dog got underfoot one day, causing the owner to break a bone. This resulted in the cancer spreading more quickly and the owner's ultimately died. The owner did not resent the dog but once he died, the family got rid of the dog because they did resent it. Sad all around but at least the poor dog wound up in a loving home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

Most people would not feel 'extreme resentment'. You might start by acknowledging that you and you alone are responsible for your injury. You were careless, end of story. Get more therapy and stop getting dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

OP, this is the definition of not having come to terms with an injury.

There are things I can no longer do. It is what it is. I do have bad moments, I cry in frustration or sadness sometimes. But mostly I'm fine. No extreme resentment on a daily basis.

Keep the puppy. Work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

You get over it by taking personal responsibility. You should always hold the railing going up or down stairs. It is mandatory at the company I work for and it is a good habit to get into.

Yes -- being tripped by a puppy on the stairs is an extremely foreseeable potential outcome of having a puppy. I would be blaming myself for not having taken the proper precautions, not the puppy.

But you get to feel what you feel. Given what you have posted here, I have no doubt your daughter has picked up on it and will continue to do so. I don't think keeping the puppy in your home is fair to your daughter, the puppy, or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

OP, this is the definition of not having come to terms with an injury.

There are things I can no longer do. It is what it is. I do have bad moments, I cry in frustration or sadness sometimes. But mostly I'm fine. No extreme resentment on a daily basis.

Keep the puppy. Work on yourself.

My dad was injured, complete freak accident by a human (not puppy). He never carried extreme resentment. Don’t you want to let go of the resentment? It’s not good for you, is it?

[Anonymous]

Why can't you state what injury you have? I still can't grasp the extent of your resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

+1

Think about it this way: what if it was your kid that had tripped you? You admit it was a freak accident, and so this possibly could have happened to you at any time in any place and it just happened to be the puppy you tripped on.

We got a new puppy in November also (a labrador, so super mouthy and high energy). Our previous dog had died the previous spring, and so we were ready. We have a 3 year old. We have our day and house set up so that there are clear boundaries and rules for the puppy (and child) so that we all stay safe, because 50+ lbs of puppy is alot for a 30lb kid. This includes keeping the puppy and child separated when we can't directly supervise. It includes limiting where in the house the puppy is allowed to go and when with baby gates, it includes crate time for the puppy. It is ok, even good, to set boundaries for the dog--it sounds like you hadn't if he was racing around under you on the stairs. This is all part of dog training, and will give your older dog some space to not play with the puppy when they aren't up to it. Check our zak george on youtube for some training ideas--he's got a puppy and a senior dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you state what injury you have? I still can't grasp the extent of your resentment.

^^^^^This. I can't grasp the resentment either, and if I tripped on my dog on the stairs, I would just be pissed at myself, not the dog. You need to talk to a therapist about this, and possibly another doctor for the injury as well to make sure there isn't anything you can do to mitigate the damage.

[Anonymous]

Return the puppy. You don’t like him and it’s not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

training is what is required - you cannot expect a dog to be well behaved if you don't train it to be so.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is the pandemic that is making you so fragile? In anycase you are not mentally in a place that will help you or the puppy thrive.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a control freak. Stop blaming the puppy. You can equally be at blame for not putting a puppy somewhere safe while you were carrying things on the stairs or not holding on or whatever. You sound like one of those people who never take responsibility. I feel sorry for you daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a control freak. Stop blaming the puppy. You can equally be at blame for not putting a puppy somewhere safe while you were carrying things on the stairs or not holding on or whatever. You sound like one of those people who never take responsibility. I feel sorry for you daughter.

OP here. How is this any different than getting rear-ended at a stop light? Would you blame the person who got rear-ended for driving a car that day and being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

I was walking down the stairs holding some laundry, and I thought the puppy was not around. It seemed safe at the time to walk down the stairs. I wasn't able to hold the hand rail because I was carrying the laundry. Sometimes you can't hold the hand rail if you have something in both hands.

Since that incident, whenever I am walking down the stairs I make sure I know where the puppy is, and I always hold the hand rail.

That doesn't change the fact that I now have a life-long, permanent injury that bothers me every day. I'm in an online support group for this condition, and that helps a lot. They're the only ones who understand what I'm going through. I have some resentment toward the puppy but mostly I just regret adopting the puppy in the first place. It probably would have been better not to get another dog after our elderly dog died this past fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a control freak. Stop blaming the puppy. You can equally be at blame for not putting a puppy somewhere safe while you were carrying things on the stairs or not holding on or whatever. You sound like one of those people who never take responsibility. I feel sorry for you daughter.

OP here. How is this any different than getting rear-ended at a stop light? Would you blame the person who got rear-ended for driving a car that day and being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

I was walking down the stairs holding some laundry, and I thought the puppy was not around. It seemed safe at the time to walk down the stairs. I wasn't able to hold the hand rail because I was carrying the laundry. Sometimes you can't hold the hand rail if you have something in both hands.

Since that incident, whenever I am walking down the stairs I make sure I know where the puppy is, and I always hold the hand rail.

That doesn't change the fact that I now have a life-long, permanent injury that bothers me every day. I'm in an online support group for this condition, and that helps a lot. They're the only ones who understand what I'm going through. I have some resentment toward the puppy but mostly I just regret adopting the puppy in the first place. It probably would have been better not to get another dog after our elderly dog died this past fall.

DP
This is the difference. You can't take more action to avoid being rear-ended at a stoplight, but you now have taken more action to make sure you do not get tripped. Being tripped was foreseeable,a nd this is how it should have been from the beginning.

I am sorry for what happened to you. Whatever it is, it sounds like it really sucks. It was still preventable, and it is irrational to blame the puppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dogs on stairs while walking down is a very common injury. not the dogs fault and based on your experience, i am, surprised you are mentioning the other issues you are having, all very normal dog behavior especially with another dog to play with.

training training training but you sound resigned to get rid of him, i hope he ends up in a better home.

OP here. It would have been one thing if I fell down the stairs and broke a bone or something, and the bone healed and that was the end of it. The injury I got however is not one that will ever resolve or heal, a real freak accident. That's the part that really upsets me, I will have to deal with this injury every minute of every day and I'm resentful. It's almost like I was rear-ended in a car accident and developed permanent neck pain or something that would never go away. In that instance I would be extremely resentful of the driver who caused the accident.

It's normal to be upset but I'm not sure it's healthy to feel "extreme resent" towards the puppy or the driver. I agree with everyone that you should rehome the puppy but I think you should also consider talking to a counselor to help you work through your emotions about the injury.

OP here. I do have a therapist but have not discussed my feelings about the injury with her. Maybe I should. I don't know how I would ever "get over it" though. The injury I sustained causes me problems all day. Of course I would feel extreme resentment--who wouldn't?

Ask yourself why you haven’t discussed something as critical as this with your therapist. This is a significant, ongoing issue for you, and is likely to become a significant ongoing issue for your daughter if you decide to rehome the puppy. Talk with your therapist as part of the process of deciding what to do, to help you resolve your resentment, and to explore healthy ways to explain your decisions to your daughter.
I’m leaning towards encouraging you to keep the puppy- who has only been guilty of being a puppy - and who clearly means a lot to your daughter, who has already had a loss to cope with.
I hope you’re able to resolve this in a healthy way for everyone.