Hierarchy of living arrangements during quarantine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced Mom with a teen son and plenty of money to order everything delivered. I think I am at the top of the list...so many of my married friends are going out of their minds with their DH’s in their space all the time or wanting quiet for conference calls...particularly the SAHMs or PT/Flex schedule ones.

SAHM of two kids. I live in a SFH with plenty of space. If we were divorced (even if I started working) our finances would not have allowed us to have a big SFH large enough that multiple people could live and work happily in. I am also glad I have two teens because they have companionship and comradery. I think it would be pretty depressing for me to have only one child or no adult companionship.

DH and I still go for walks together and chill out together so that has not changed, and I like sex with him too much to want to give that up. Of course, in the first place, he is a man I want to remain married to, so it is different from your situation. I am happy though that you are happy. If you feel your situation is better than most then you are truly winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced Mom with a teen son and plenty of money to order everything delivered. I think I am at the top of the list...so many of my married friends are going out of their minds with their DH’s in their space all the time or wanting quiet for conference calls...particularly the SAHMs or PT/Flex schedule ones.

SAHM of two kids. I live in a SFH with plenty of space. If we were divorced (even if I started working) our finances would not have allowed us to have a big SFH large enough that multiple people could live and work happily in. I am also glad I have two teens because they have companionship and comradery. I think it would be pretty depressing for me to have only one child or no adult companionship.

DH and I still go for walks together and chill out together so that has not changed, and I like sex with him too much to want to give that up. Of course, in the first place, he is a man I want to remain married to, so it is different from your situation. I am happy though that you are happy. If you feel your situation is better than most then you are truly winning.

It’s not depressing at all! My son and I have a strong bond ....we have traveled to six continents together before this .... now we play board games, take walks, ride bikes, bake together, watch movies and I have plenty of “adult” time both with my professional obligations and friends (all virtually)....as for sex I just help myself. I also have a large place for the two of us (about 3,000 sq feet) and we set up a mini gym in one room with the Peloton, weights, punching bag...we are doing a May push-up and plank challenge! Glad you are content with your lockdown situation but am happy I don’t have a DH who expects the cooking, cleaning, laundry, distance learning and such are my responsibilities even though he is also home. Would drive me nuts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think living with your spouse and kids is best if -

You have a happy and strong marriage.
Your kids do not have any health or other issues.
You have space.
Everyone is healthy, happy, functioning and there is no discord.
You do not have any other stressors.

This is us, and it's been great. I realize I am very fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think living with your spouse and kids is best if -

You have a happy and strong marriage.
Your kids do not have any health or other issues.
You have space.
Everyone is healthy, happy, functioning and there is no discord.
You do not have any other stressors.

I'm the first poster who said I'm glad I'm living with my spouse and kids. I have a child with a fatal progressive heart condition whose doctors expect that he would not survive COVID.

I'd still rather be sheltering with my spouse and kids than without them. I think the fact that I expect to find out what it's like to live without one of my children helps me appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

I’d rather live alone than work + homeschool my kids!

[Anonymous]

I think living with a new partner would be terrible. I can say for sure I'm not at my best right now, and I'm so much more comfortable with my husband of many years knowing that we have a solid foundation for our relationship. I'd jokingly say that I could do without my kids, but honestly, I'm not sure how I'd feel about all this if I didn't have them. They are a ton of work but just awesome little beings that really do make things better. And they're funny as hell. I had a call that went badly today and I ended up raising my voice. Afterwards my daughter came and sat down in my office and told me that we needed to discuss my attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50s female here, living with:
* husband of 20 years
* three kids (20, 18, 15)
* oldest kid's sig. other (kind of a refugee-not sure of the whole story)

I crave some solitude so the good news is that I am exercising outside A LOT. Long walks and runs daily.

I get up super early just to kind of be alone in my house.

I guess it's the best and worst of times. If any of my kids were not with me, I would be a wreck, but it's a lot to have everyone 24/7.

This is basically me, minus the significant other of the oldest/refugee. So I have a question, a serious one meant with zero snark. Why is there someone living in your house and you're not sure of the whole story of why they are there? At least that's how I read that.

That was my exact thought as well.

[Anonymous]

I am 25. Live with my parents and 18 year old sister. Parents have been working all through the quarantine. They get home after 4 pm. Not much has changed except my sister and I stopped working as are jobs aren’t essential. It isn’t too horrible as my parents are never home. I would’ve been quarantining alone but I didn’t renew my lease because I’m stating a masters program in the fall. I do wish I was living alone not just bc of the quarantine but it’s hard to come bald to live with parents.

[Anonymous]

Happy marriage, both full time plus teleworking, teen and tween children. DH did all the laundry today. Pretty happy.

[JL41]

.

[Anonymous]

I’m with my grandmother (95), parents (60s), spouse (30s), and two kids under 5 in a place with tons of space. It’s actually not bad at all! I always thought I would hate intergenerational living, but it’s actually pretty fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced Mom with a teen son and plenty of money to order everything delivered. I think I am at the top of the list...so many of my married friends are going out of their minds with their DH’s in their space all the time or wanting quiet for conference calls...particularly the SAHMs or PT/Flex schedule ones.

SAHM of two kids. I live in a SFH with plenty of space. If we were divorced (even if I started working) our finances would not have allowed us to have a big SFH large enough that multiple people could live and work happily in. I am also glad I have two teens because they have companionship and comradery. I think it would be pretty depressing for me to have only one child or no adult companionship.

DH and I still go for walks together and chill out together so that has not changed, and I like sex with him too much to want to give that up. Of course, in the first place, he is a man I want to remain married to, so it is different from your situation. I am happy though that you are happy. If you feel your situation is better than most then you are truly winning.

It’s not depressing at all! My son and I have a strong bond ....we have traveled to six continents together before this .... now we play board games, take walks, ride bikes, bake together, watch movies and I have plenty of “adult” time both with my professional obligations and friends (all virtually)....as for sex I just help myself. I also have a large place for the two of us (about 3,000 sq feet) and we set up a mini gym in one room with the Peloton, weights, punching bag...we are doing a May push-up and plank challenge! Glad you are content with your lockdown situation but am happy I don’t have a DH who expects the cooking, cleaning, laundry, distance learning and such are my responsibilities even though he is also home. Would drive me nuts!

That would certainly drive me nuts too. Thankfully everyone pitches in and things are running smoothly. DH cooked even before the pandemic so he still does that. I am great with tackling kids academics. ECs and schooling so that still falls on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with my grandmother (95), parents (60s), spouse (30s), and two kids under 5 in a place with tons of space. It’s actually not bad at all! I always thought I would hate intergenerational living, but it’s actually pretty fun.

I would love to live in a house like this now. I grew up like this and it was just amazing.

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been together 11 years and have a 10, 7 and 4 year old. While it’s stressful we also get plenty of family time and good moments. We were just saying we wonder if this is what it’s like to be old... some people will be by themselves and lonely but we’ll have 3 kids who (hopefully) will keep us company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend and I were talking about the living situations that were the best/worst now. Agree?

living with your new partner
living with your long time partner (my friend)
living with your partner + kids (me now)
living alone
young adult living with your parents
living with roommates

Obviously I'm not talking about truly unfortunate situations, like shelters and other facilities, just other lucky 30 somethings like us.

Totally depends on your family, your relationships and your circumstances. If you are in any kind of toxic relationship with your SO, kids, family, parents, roommates or you are caring for elderly, disabled, diseased or taking care of small children without any break then you will be unhappy.

As long as you are happy with your situation, you are doing fine.