Your children's looks

[Anonymous]

I worry that my oldest dd will be too beautiful. She’s still in early elementary so we’ll what happens as she goes through puberty, etc. but so far it appears she has hit the genetic lottery. She is tall, thin boned, graceful, extremely photogenic, and has charisma and charm out her ears. She is extroverted and fearless. And has really great hair. Nearly everybody she talks to reacts to her with smiles and compliments. She gets free food at restaurants, strangers go out of their way not to disappoint her.

As parents, we know there’s not a lot we can do to combat the messages she gets so we try we try to focus our praise on her character and non-physical qualities: she’s kind, sensitive, empathetic, very smart and good at math. She’s good at persevering she’s faced with a challenge. She’s a good sister and likes helping out at home. We will just do our best to her be the best person she can be regardless of her looks.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is your child?Many beautiful children turn out ugly and many ugly and awkward children turn out beautiful. I think it matters more to the parent that the child, especially if the parent tends to project and be insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry that my oldest dd will be too beautiful. She’s still in early elementary so we’ll what happens as she goes through puberty, etc. but so far it appears she has hit the genetic lottery. She is tall, thin boned, graceful, extremely photogenic, and has charisma and charm out her ears. She is extroverted and fearless. And has really great hair. Nearly everybody she talks to reacts to her with smiles and compliments. She gets free food at restaurants, strangers go out of their way not to disappoint her.

As parents, we know there’s not a lot we can do to combat the messages she gets so we try we try to focus our praise on her character and non-physical qualities: she’s kind, sensitive, empathetic, very smart and good at math. She’s good at persevering she’s faced with a challenge. She’s a good sister and likes helping out at home. We will just do our best to her be the best person she can be regardless of her looks.

She is lucky to have her as a parent. I grew up very beautiful but my parents a) paid no attention, b) taught me that looks are temporary and c) made sure my self-worth had nothing to do with my looks. It was really shocking when I hit my teens and 20s to become more aware of the attention and extra special treatment but I am so grateful my parents made sure I was grounded enough not to really care that much. In fact I spent my 20s and 30s optimizing to look more average because then I could be sure friends and esp boyfriends were more interested in me as a person. I married and had kids late for similar reasons. It is very easy for beautiful girls to end up without any self confidence and too vulnerable to men who tell them they are beautiful.

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As for my kids, my son is DEFINITELY not a looker. He in-toes, has huge ears and strabismus. My daughter is pretty darn cute. I'm glad that's the split as it's definitely easier for boys who are not good looking to still do well.

[Anonymous]

have *YOU as a parent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kind of. I named my daughter Gretchen in the hopes that she will be cute. If she ends up being 6' 2'' with a large build and an unattractive face, we might have to change it

In what weird world is Gretchen of all names considered a pretty girl name?

Uhh...a world that has the movie "Mean Girls." Come and live in our world. Here, Lindsey Lohan is a homeschooled math-lete who realizes that looks don't matter and Gretchen is an adorable queen-bee wannabe.

[Anonymous]

I think most people's children are average to ugly. Rarely see a truly stunning kid. Their parents always think they're handsome/pretty. I hope it's not something parents worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not as important for guys to be attractive because both the labor market and dating market place a higher value on intellect, confidence, and creativity. Most of the attractive women end up married to guys that are average looking but successful in their careers, went to good schools etc. Most "attractive" men who are not successful in their careers do not end up marrying attractive women. So, parental concerns are different or should be different depending on gender. I have boys and I'm mostly worried about their achievement in school and ability to to earn money later. I'd be worried about this for a daughter too, but I'd also be much more worried about how she looks.

This is true. Being attractive never hurts, but most attractive women are married to successful men who range from meh to...well, not even meh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People want everything for their children. I think everyone wants their children to be happy, rich, intelligent and beautiful. It doesn’t always work out but everyone wants it for their kids. At least most parents.

Also, in anthropology babies and baby animals are “cute” so their adults will care for them.

This is so true but so many people act like it's not.

[Carolinesayshi]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your child?Many beautiful children turn out ugly and many ugly and awkward children turn out beautiful. I think it matters more to the parent that the child, especially if the parent tends to project and be insecure.

I don't have one yet. My due date is in October. I'm not particularly interested in whether or not he was gorgeous. My mom made a huge deal of my looks when I was a child and honestly, I built too much of my self worth on them. When I started getting chubby as a teenager, it was catastrophic for my self esteem. I just want to avoid looks worship with my kids. It has screwed me up too much.

[Anonymous]

DS has a pretty handsome face, and I want him to be tall & big like his dad. He does not eat much, so he is skinny. DD is cute, but I would say her face is not beautiful. She loves to eat, and I hope she does not grow to be as tall as her dad.

I think it is more important for girl to have a pretty face.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids, DS 27, DD 25, and DD 23. The older 2 kids are conventionally attractive, but the youngest one is unattractive. I feel bad for her. She never gets asked out, though she’s bubbly and sweet. I know a man is not a plan, but it sure would be nice if guys could appreciate her smarts & kindness.

So it does matter to me a bit, only insofar as it’s tough for me to experience her bewilderment that nobody wants to date her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think “cute” is ideal. Breathtakingly gorgeous people can end up messed up emotionally for a whole host of reasons.

This. I think my 8yo is reasonably cute and I love the way she looks, but she's not stunning/gorgeous, and I'm glad for that. She'll have to develop her personality, intellect and other attributes.

+1000

[Carolinesayshi]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids, DS 27, DD 25, and DD 23. The older 2 kids are conventionally attractive, but the youngest one is unattractive. I feel bad for her. She never gets asked out, though she’s bubbly and sweet. I know a man is not a plan, but it sure would be nice if guys could appreciate her smarts & kindness.

So it does matter to me a bit, only insofar as it’s tough for me to experience her bewilderment that nobody wants to date her.

That must be really hard. The good thing about getting older, though, is that people become attractive for other reasons. I'm sure she'll have people interested in her. Thank goodness most of us are not extremely good looking. Plenty of plain and average looking couples out there!

[Anonymous]

Does anyone NOT think their kids are attractive?

[Carolinesayshi]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone NOT think their kids are attractive?

I think definitely! Though I think it's only the abusive ones who tell their children what they think!