For those parents only who don’t allow screens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No screens before age 4. Didn’t even have a TV. In retrospect, we would have made our lives much more pleasant if we’d allowed screens. My DC woke up at 4:30 am for the day from the ages of 2-4. I was sooo sleep deprived and cranky, I should have just let him watch TV for an hour while I slept.

From about 4-7 I would have my child come into bed with me and the iPad so I knew he was safe and I could sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um... no? No age or milestone, per se. Because we weren't/aren't doing it so that our kid will "be ahead" or anything. And on the flipside, we felt no need for us, *as adults/parents*, to "introduce" it. To keep her occupied? To teach her things she'd probably learn better some other way (especially when younger)? To share a favorite movie? Eh, there are other things we share, for now.

So our kid got, or is getting, screen access very organically, when it's necessary and helpful on balance. Which means she is still pretty much screen free at 7, in terms of what most people who call it screen time would actually deem screen time to be meted out or whatever.

In other words-- when she started K, the school introduced screens to an extent. Fine. Rarely, she might help me online-shop for something because it's relevant. We went to a movie screening for a film her dad was in. I mean, obviously. We go to a museum and they have screen media in the exhibits. Great. Skype/Zoom has always been fine with me-- it's just a video phone call. Etc.

The only time setting a strict age makes sense to me, regardless of overall philosophy, is about 18 months, because their brains really don't process screen information well at all before then. And certainly as very young babies, TV/etc. triggers a loop in their orienting response-- that is, they essentially can't look away when they're overstimulated.

But otherwise, I don't see much point in setting a hard and fast age in any direction. Or milestone... except that certainly, it's probably easier to deal with screens past the tantrum/etc. age. Like 4-ish, I guess.

If you have a moment, PP, can you elaborate on the “triggers a loop in their orientating response”.

Sure. I've read about this a bit, but not sure if I can find TV-and-infant-specific resources quickly. But basically I'm talking about this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orienting_response

"Both novelty and significance of a stimulation are implicated in the generation of an orienting response."

So the idea is that infant brains are going to be triggered to pay attention to each novel/hyperstimulating image/sound combo, because their brains are immature, and it's all VERY novel to them. So they look at the screen in an obligate way. They *have to*, essentially. Of course, the novelty would wear off, but the screen changes 2 seconds later, so they have to look again. And again, and again. They kind of can't look away, and particularly when they are veery young and don't have neck control, it's a physical/musculature thing. But even after that, it's very hard neurologically. This is regardless of how much exposure they get, at least before a certain age, developmentally. That is-- a 3-month-old who has had the TV on 24/7 is not more able to look away than a 3-month-old seeing TV for the first time.

This is why I cringe a bit (but don't say anything) when I see the very, very common social media post of a parent watching, say, Star Wars or Moana "with" their newborn or infant ans saying "Look at him, he's just ENTRANCED." And the parent often attributes this specifically to being fascinated by and adoring the content that they (the parent) presumably loves... When it's really that the baby is being overstimulated with no escape hatch.

Thank you! This is fascinating! I appreciate you taking the time to explain it to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids need to learn about screens to function in the world.

I disagree. Computers, iPads, phones are easy enough to use a monkey can figure it out. The minute your kids enter elementary Schooll they’ll have plenty of exposure to screens and will pick it up quickly. Introducing early isn’t giving any kid a “leg up” in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids need to learn about screens to function in the world.

I disagree. Computers, iPads, phones are easy enough to use a monkey can figure it out. The minute your kids enter elementary Schooll they’ll have plenty of exposure to screens and will pick it up quickly. Introducing early isn’t giving any kid a “leg up” in the world.

I think that poster was referring to late elementary schoolers. You are still a kid in elementary school. And middle school. And high school.

[Anonymous]

Wait. Do people feel like screens PREVENT kids from learning to read? Is that why you are waiting until they are reading?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Do people feel like screens PREVENT kids from learning to read? Is that why you are waiting until they are reading?

Only first time moms of toddlers who want to be holier than thou actually believe this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Do people feel like screens PREVENT kids from learning to read? Is that why you are waiting until they are reading?

Only first time moms of toddlers who want to be holier than thou actually believe this.

Stop, ladies. This thread is not for you. Move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No screens before age 4. Didn’t even have a TV. In retrospect, we would have made our lives much more pleasant if we’d allowed screens. My DC woke up at 4:30 am for the day from the ages of 2-4. I was sooo sleep deprived and cranky, I should have just let him watch TV for an hour while I slept.

Meh, grass is always greener. This may have been true, but on the other hand, maybe you'd have had to deal with a bunch of tantrums around screen time that would have made it not worth it. I'm not saying that's the case, it's just hard to prove a counterfactual.

But, I would have had the sleep to be equipped to deal with a tantrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No screens before age 4. Didn’t even have a TV. In retrospect, we would have made our lives much more pleasant if we’d allowed screens. My DC woke up at 4:30 am for the day from the ages of 2-4. I was sooo sleep deprived and cranky, I should have just let him watch TV for an hour while I slept.

From about 4-7 I would have my child come into bed with me and the iPad so I knew he was safe and I could sleep.

You are wiser or at least more practical than I was and definitely less bags under your eyes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Do people feel like screens PREVENT kids from learning to read? Is that why you are waiting until they are reading?

Only first time moms of toddlers who want to be holier than thou actually believe this.

Stop, ladies. This thread is not for you. Move along.

Why? I thought it was for parents who don’t allow screens. That’s us! Do you also have to believe that it makes you a superior parent? I didn’t see that in the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We kept our kid from screens until he went to kindergarten, where the school made him go on to screens for testing and reading/math apps.

What an utter failure of our early education system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait. Do people feel like screens PREVENT kids from learning to read? Is that why you are waiting until they are reading?

Only first time moms of toddlers who want to be holier than thou actually believe this.

Stop, ladies. This thread is not for you. Move along.

Why? I thought it was for parents who don’t allow screens. That’s us! Do you also have to believe that it makes you a superior parent? I didn’t see that in the OP.

Everyone just stop with the “does it make you a superior parent” crap. It’s boring.

[Anonymous]

My son had no screens before age 5 and was a lye reader. I agree that the two do not correlate.

[Anonymous]

^^late reader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We kept our kid from screens until he went to kindergarten, where the school made him go on to screens for testing and reading/math apps.

What an utter failure of our early education system.

DP. Agree 100% and this is the main reason we are seriously considering private school, even though it would put a huge dent in our budget.