Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have two 19 year olds and 16 year old. They’re home and aren’t going anywhere.
You’ve got good kids there. I have an 18 year old who will not stay home. Nothing I can really do about it.
But I’m not hosting or encouraging anything.
Asking seriously and without snark or judgment, PP: When you say "will not stay"--do you mean your kid has a job to go to? Or just that he or she is going out socializing?
Does your kid have access to a car and drives off? Why not take the keys and keep them and other car keys where the teen can't get them?
If friends come and pick up your teen, what do you say or do then? Is this a "you're an adult and must make your own choices" thing on your side and/or on your teen's?
What has your teen said when you explain that even if he or she feels just fine, kid can be a carrier and give a potentially deadly virus to others in the house? That when teen is with friends, teen is also "with" those friends' potentially Covid-positive family, friends, coworkers? What does your teen say to any of that?
I'm seeing other posts and articles about 18+ HS/college students "refusing" to stay home and away from friends. The Post article yesterday even profiled one 18 year old whose mother is immunocompromised yet he will not stop hanging out with friends, going to the store unnecessarily, etc. I'm trying to wrap my head around it.
He's 18, and does have a job, but his hours have been reduced drastically. He also has college acceptances, scholarships and merit aid. With his most recent actions he is putting all of that in jeopardy as well.
We did take keys to the cars. It did not keep him home. The second we fell asleep he would leave the house in the middle of the night on foot (new activity in the last week). He met up with one friend, but the friend was also caught leaving home, so his mom is trying her best to keep her son in the house, also taking away keys.
We are not immune compromised here, but yes, he is putting himself and us at risk, even by just sneaking out during the night. Still I am more worried about him getting into more serious trouble, or finding the wrong crowd at night.
We are regrouping this afternoon, tempers have calmed, and will have an adult conversation with him, rather than treating him like a young teen, which is not working. We all (me, dad, and son) need to come to a compromise and understanding about acting responsibly moving forward, and during the pandemic in particular. We are willing to try a new path forward, similar to your "you're an adult and must make your own choices", however, these are our house rules for all adults.
I do not intend to kick him out, at least not at this point. We may offer to have him to live in the loft area above our garage, provided that he keeps up with any online work/classes, and stays home during the night. , When his work hours pick up, maybe we will charge rent. I really don't want to charge money, but he needs to have a safe place to be, and contribute some how as an "adult". I could always save his rent and give it back to him for college in August, IF things work out.
I really don't know the answer, but I'm willing to try a compromise. He was a good kid, but has been struggling the past two weeks. He was struggling early last summer, but having a job really helped him focus, and gave him a place to be. He's a hard worker, and enjoys earning money both to spend and save.
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