Losing my mind during daily check-ins with parent

[Anonymous]

"Gotta go, someone is calling on the other line." Hang up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

Agree. And they don’t have a million things going on like we do to occupy time. They have no errands to run. The least I can do is call once a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let her talk and you be productive (clean, whatever).

PP. My own narcissistic mom complains that my my siblings call her: while walking (lives at the beach), while commuting and complains when I unload and reload my dishwasher. I can’t win. Just saying.

She drives the conversation; I can’t get a word in edgewise. DH can’t tell if I’m on a work conference call or talking to my mom - long periods of listening to someone talk or blather on with only an occasional “right/yes/I’m still here/ok/sure”

Ugh. This is my mom, too. If I rustle a paper or walk from one room to another she will stop the conversation to complain about the noise. And, likewise, it’s all about her—and the “problem of the day.” I totally relate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

Agree. And they don’t have a million things going on like we do to occupy time. They have no errands to run. The least I can do is call once a day.

"Errands to run"?? I'm in my 60s and I have plenty of errands to run, I'm just not running them, I'm staying in and making do with what I have.

[Anonymous]

Find a TV show or movie and watch together or talk about it afterwards. If you have children put them on the phone, it's good for them to learn to listen to. Online shopping is a good way to spend your time while listening. If you use the mute button you can get tons done around the house while still being on the phone and not found out. A headset is an absolute must. You can even watch TV with the captions on if you're desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

Agree. And they don’t have a million things going on like we do to occupy time. They have no errands to run. The least I can do is call once a day.

Same. I'm sure they didn't want to listen to me go on and on about Barbie when I was a kid but they did. Now's my turn to listen to them.

[Anonymous]

Eh, some people are just prone to losing their mind over dumb things. All you need to do is say, aha, aha, sure, I hear you, yep, yep....I had to listen to FIL tell me on Friday....that he might have been WRONG to think Corona virus is not worse than a flu and that is was a hoax. For previous two weeks I just ignored his text about how many people die from the flu and to get over this, and how many people die in car crashes, etc...In some cases quarantine and staying at home is a blessing. Surely, 15 minutes of saying yep is not that hard, unless you are "all about me" kind of person. Of course your mom will want to talk about the virus that can kill her and is spreading like nuts, she is afraid! Show some understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

Agree. And they don’t have a million things going on like we do to occupy time. They have no errands to run. The least I can do is call once a day.

You sound like you think you are doing your parent a huge favor. For all you know she is complaining to her friends or on a senior message board "My daughter is so annoying calling every day, even twice a day, but I just assume she is lonely and doesn't have things going on to occupy her time so I humor her." Call less, email or text some and keep things fun.Also put the kids on the phone more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I’m calling to check in on my mom twice a day. Of course she’s bored and scared like the rest of us, but like the rest of us, there isn’t anything to really talk about. I give my mom 15 minutes each call, but I’m finding that I’m starting to become annoyed and short with her during these calls. We rehash and rehash the latest Coronavirus news, it’s all she wants/there is to talk about. If I try to mention the kids, she brings it back to discussing the virus. Everything comes back to talking about dread and despair. I can’t keep doing this, but she won’t stop talking about it and I’m starting to resent these calls. (And yes, I do realize I’m lucky my mom is still around to talk about Covid-19 with me.) Any advice?

Call once or twice a week. Does your mother have dementia? Is she still living on her own? If she does not have dementia and is living on her own she can call you if a problem comes up. Put your kids on the phone in lieu of you. Fifteen minutes is way too long.

If you have to break away from the call say "Sorry, I"ve got a work call coming in, I've got to go."

[Anonymous]

This exact thing was happening with my mom too, so I suggested we started reading a book at the same time so we could discuss that for half our daily call. It works for us because she’s an avid reader, always bothering me with suggestions for things I don’t have time to read and I let her pick the book. Could you do the same thing? Or watch the same TV series or something similar?

[Anonymous]

https://storycorps.org/participate/great-questions/#anyone

Could you try to use some of these questions as conversation starters? I feel like talking about people’s lives before all this can take us all out of the moment and is a great opportunity to learn things about our loved ones we didn’t already know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

But if your mom is quarantining, she's fine in terms of the virus. Her only issue is her "pre-existing" health conditions.

And can she not call you if she’s not feeling well?

Here's a shocker: maybe we enjoy talking to each other? Also, 4yo DD misses her terribly, so 5 minutes of our usual 10 minute conversation is spent with DD talking to her.
Note that I'm not one of the PPs complaining about talking to their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s trick to get someone off a topic is to get them reminiscing. (He’s a super nostalgic person.). So if his mom starts talking about Trump, he’ll segue to, “do you remember the hardware store in town when we were kids? Did they used to give out popcorn? Did we play with the owners’ kids?” And then he’ll move on to, “I was trying to remember that driving trip we took to florida—did we have the station wagon, and how did we all fit?” Sometimes he’ll do more general nostalgia topics like “didn’t gum used to come in different flavors, like licorice?” Or he loves to ask about how certain products/stores got their names. Now, as someone who didn’t grow up where he did, and is less interested in his family’s minutia, I sometimes find these conversations boring. But still better than Trump or Coronavirus.

I’m DW equivalent, PP. I’m also super nostalgic and love to talk about childhood memories, retail history, the past! I’d enjoy chatting with your DH. My DH not so interested. I’m sentimental to a fault and remember everything! I’m going to ask my elderly mom more questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

But if your mom is quarantining, she's fine in terms of the virus. Her only issue is her "pre-existing" health conditions.

And can she not call you if she’s not feeling well?

Here's a shocker: maybe we enjoy talking to each other? Also, 4yo DD misses her terribly, so 5 minutes of our usual 10 minute conversation is spent with DD talking to her.
Note that I'm not one of the PPs complaining about talking to their parents.

Not the poster you are responding to, but read the title. People are responding to OP who is "losing (her)mind" from calling mom. You are getting defensive and pissy on a thread that is not about you. Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell are you talking to her twice a day?! Holy shit that's way too often! Call her once or twice a week.

WTF do you need to call her twice a day for?

NP, but I am calling my parents daily to check in on them specifically due to Covid-19. They are mid 70s, and my mom has multiple health conditions that put her at an even higher risk.

But if your mom is quarantining, she's fine in terms of the virus. Her only issue is her "pre-existing" health conditions.

And can she not call you if she’s not feeling well?

Here's a shocker: maybe we enjoy talking to each other? Also, 4yo DD misses her terribly, so 5 minutes of our usual 10 minute conversation is spent with DD talking to her.
Note that I'm not one of the PPs complaining about talking to their parents.

Not the poster you are responding to, but read the title. People are responding to OP who is "losing (her)mind" from calling mom. You are getting defensive and pissy on a thread that is not about you. Start your own thread.

I responded to the person/persons who don't understand why I or any number of other people are calling their parents daily in this situation. Not getting pissy and defensive, just answering a question posed by another PP.