Being the old mom

[Anonymous]

In big families the first kid is usually born when mom is 20s and the last around 40. You’re totally normal

[Anonymous]

I think there is a big difference between having your 4th at 40 and having your first at 40. You have had years of motherhood and know how to navigate the mom attitudes. But having your 1st at 40 you might feel old. At least I did but that was in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my first 10 years ago at 28 in DC, and was on the younger side of the moms around us. Now, we’re in the Midwest and my 4 year old’s BFF’s mom is 16 years younger than me. We’re leaning towards transferring our last frozen embryo (frozen at 29) in a couple months... if it works, I will be just shy of 40 when baby #4 arrives. I am by far the oldest mom in my son’s preschool, and am shuddering a bit at what this looks like in another 3-4 years when our youngest is doing playgroups and school. Older moms of little ones, how do you feel knowing you’re twice the age of some of the other parents? There aren’t even questions about fertility clinics in my local mom groups - everyone has kids so young! I’m just assuming everyone will think I’m the grandma.

If you find nothing strange about having a child at age 40 then who are you to judge women who have all of their children by age 30?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the old mom, and I’m in DC! I gave birth to my first in my early 40s and my second (via frozen embryo) at 46. My grandmother had her last at 46 (unplanned, though) and said my aunt kept her youthful. I hope my kids do the same for me. So far, so good. I do try not to make pop culture references from my youth around their classmates’ parents, though.

Wow. My oldest of four was several years out of college and my youngest already in high school when I was 46! You're gonna miss out on a lot of things with your kids for waiting that long.

Would you like to send her your time machine?

[Anonymous]

What an odd non question. Many 40 year old moms look very youthful still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better to be the old mom than the young mom. I’m far younger than my sons friends moms and constantly feel like the odd one out, and people are constantly commenting that I don’t look “old enough” to have an X year old kid. It sucks.

This is a really good point. I was 34 with my first and 41 with my second. I look closer to 38, but being the “old mom” is a little weird, especially when I’m the old mom who is also one of the few working moms. It’s not bad, though. Just different from when all the other first time moms were my age!

[Anonymous]

Do you look old? I live in the midwest and I was talking to a woman the other day who looks around 55 (but maybe is 45??). I assumed her 5 year old was her granddaughter because I knew that she also has a twenty something.

Anyway, it's her daughter and I felt like an idiot. It happens.

[Anonymous]

When you closer to menopause then to teens...stop..just no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was forty for my first and only and all the other moms were about my age. You’re the one in the Midwest feeling insecure. You left your people. If you want another child, have another child and don’t look for friends at playgroup.

Wow. Nasty.

[Anonymous]

I am definitely on the older side among my daughter's friends' parents. My DH and I are 44 and 45 respectively, and our DC is 5. Many of the other parents are in their mid to late 30s. Sometimes it bugs me, sometimes it doesn't. We had one hell of a ride to try to become parents--major medical issues--so even though we tried in our late 20's, my medical issues prevented it. I do see the younger moms getting worked up over every little thing and I am kind of glad that is not me. I don't catastrophize every aspect of being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was forty for my first and only and all the other moms were about my age. You’re the one in the Midwest feeling insecure. You left your people. If you want another child, have another child and don’t look for friends at playgroup.

If this is true, well, it's really odd and unusual. Are you sure you didn't accidentally sign up for a grandparent group? Or did you deliberately find a play group for old moms?

In Arlington, Virginia (22207, to be specific) -- and in many of the areas the this board services -- having a baby in late 30s/early 40s is not at all weird and more normal than someone in their 20s. There was one mom at daycare drop off that at first I thought was the au pair, because she was so much younger than everyone else. I have nothing against moms of any age, but outliers are outliers.

[Anonymous]

You might feel less connected to the parents of your younger kids friends. That’s ok. I find most parents of multiples kind of find a group of parent friends with one of their kids and just keep with that set. For me it’s my younger child but for many it’s the oldest and they are too tired to make new friends by the time the third comes around haha.

No biggie. The young moms don’t have to be your friend.

[Anonymous]

You are environmentally irresponsible to give birth to 4 children. I don;t want to deal with people like you.

[Anonymous]

I adopted my first at 41 and my next 2 at 43. Definitely did not look or feel old, No gray, short hair!

[Anonymous]

Pfft. We adopted our son 3 years ago when I was just shy of 49 and my husband was 51. I’m old even in DC. No one gives a crap but you. I did PACE and I am the oldest in my group and the youngest mom was almost 17 years younger than me. Our whole group is tight but I’m closest to that mom. Age means nothing.