Being the old mom

[Anonymous]

I’m the old mom, and I’m in DC! I gave birth to my first in my early 40s and my second (via frozen embryo) at 46. My grandmother had her last at 46 (unplanned, though) and said my aunt kept her youthful. I hope my kids do the same for me. So far, so good. I do try not to make pop culture references from my youth around their classmates’ parents, though.

[Anonymous]

This is inevitable when you have four kids. You will always be older then the parents who are having their first. I am friendly with my last kid’s friend’s parents, but I am not really close to the ones who are on their first kid. It’s not just about age. We have less in common. They are less busy, haven’t been through the older kid stuff, etc. I wouldn’t worry about it. Those 25 year old moms with one kid are not really your people.

[Anonymous]

Older parents might be more common than you think - I grew up in the Midwest and even 30+ years ago, some of my friends parents were mid-late 30s when they were born. And they weren’t all youngest kids either.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids - one born in my 20s and the other two at 36 and 41. I've been the youngest, and I've been close to the oldest. Both have their benefits but I wouldn't trade the experience of my unusual little family for anything!

I find that I approach relationships with other parents differently now that Im the older mom. I'm not looking for validation for me or my kid - I can figure that stuff without a circle of moms for feedback. I can steer things a little more easily. I can offer wisdom and an ear, but not get involved in other people's drama. I know how to provide help at a school without providing a tornado of righteousness along with it. Look, it's a little different to be the older mom but you can just embrace it. Be an older mom force for good, both for yourself and for the moms around you still figuring it out. Focus on the right stuff, build less but deeper relationships, steer cleared of the petty stuff that might have seized you the first time and you can pass on this time. I hope you decide to go for it.

[Anonymous]

You just have to stop yourself from mothering the other moms. Bite your tongue when they act like teenagers.

[Anonymous]

I had my one and only at 45. She is the light of our lives. Was I not supposed to have had her because of what others might think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just have to stop yourself from mothering the other moms. Bite your tongue when they act like teenagers.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

I would rethink having four kids. More than two kids is a drag on society and the environment.

[Anonymous]

You are just like me — kids at 30, 32, 35 and now one on the way at 39. I moved away from dc, where I was the youngest mom in my pre-k, to Connecticut. Even here I’d say I’m average for the parents group for the kid I had at 35. For the 39 I’ll be on the older end, but not weirdly so — or at least that’s what I’m telling myself!

[Anonymous]

I will also agree with the PP that said the 25 yo first time moms are not our people- that is probably true, but don't get stuck there.

But keep an open mind and be friendly with all the parents. You never know who you may deeply click with.

One of my sweetest and most cherished friends is in her early 50s with one child. I'm 36 with three children. When met when her child and my middle (than youngest) had a music class together when they were toddlers. She has been an absolute rock and ally to me and age has never come up. I'm so glad she didn't discount me as one of the "young" moms and reached out to me despite our outwardly differences.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the Midwest (MN) and had my kids between 31-37 (almost 38). I’m not the oldest mom in most cases! Lots of highly educated parents in our area, so quite a few who had kids around same age or later. That said, there are also these fresh-faced beauties that show up with their seven year old and I think they must have been (comparatively) rather young moms, but we all manage to survive.

And then there’s the nice couple with the 26 yr old daughter, 12 yr old son, and 9 yr old daughter. They look both young and old depending on which kid you use as point of reference!

[Anonymous]

I have mistaken parents for grandparents before... I didn’t say anything to their faces, but they truly looked 60 with a 5 year old.

In different parts of the world people have kids at different ages. I had my third at 34. By DC standards it’s pretty young, but someone from Eastern Europe Told me: “ you are so brave to have your third so old”....

Who cares...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was forty for my first and only and all the other moms were about my age. You’re the one in the Midwest feeling insecure. You left your people. If you want another child, have another child and don’t look for friends at playgroup.

If this is true, well, it's really odd and unusual. Are you sure you didn't accidentally sign up for a grandparent group? Or did you deliberately find a play group for old moms?

[Anonymous]

Better to be the old mom than the young mom. I’m far younger than my sons friends moms and constantly feel like the odd one out, and people are constantly commenting that I don’t look “old enough” to have an X year old kid. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is inevitable when you have four kids. You will always be older then the parents who are having their first. I am friendly with my last kid’s friend’s parents, but I am not really close to the ones who are on their first kid. It’s not just about age. We have less in common. They are less busy, haven’t been through the older kid stuff, etc. I wouldn’t worry about it. Those 25 year old moms with one kid are not really your people.

No it isn't. See my previous post. I had my 4th at 30 while living in the DC area and we were definitely not older than most other parents in our 4th child's class.