Not Sure About Third Child..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I flip flop about the 3rd and are never on the same page at the same time. Currently, he wants a 3rd and I'm done with 2 but I'm sure in a bit that'll change and we will be the opposite. Since we aren't both 100% sure at all times, we've pushed the procedure for at least another year. We won't discuss it until then so we both feel free to bounce back and forth about the third without any pressure or final decision looming. Give yourself a year. Your youngest won't be so small and you may both feel confident in a decision.

What do you do about birth control in the interim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I flip flop about the 3rd and are never on the same page at the same time. Currently, he wants a 3rd and I'm done with 2 but I'm sure in a bit that'll change and we will be the opposite. Since we aren't both 100% sure at all times, we've pushed the procedure for at least another year. We won't discuss it until then so we both feel free to bounce back and forth about the third without any pressure or final decision looming. Give yourself a year. Your youngest won't be so small and you may both feel confident in a decision.

What do you do about birth control in the interim?

PP here. IUD.

[Anonymous]

I am 43 and pregnant with my 3rd (happened on our first try by the way!), so good luck, OP. Age is but a number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

She will be 58+ regardless so why does that matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

You are just one who stopped early. It’s not at all abnormal to be 58 and have a college freshman. A busy, crawling-everywhere 9 month old is an infant???!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

You are just one who stopped early. It’s not at all abnormal to be 58 and have a college freshman. A busy, crawling-everywhere 9 month old is an infant???!

Lol. Let's keep extending this. If you're 58 and have a college freshman (18yo), then if your child also waits to have kids (30yo), then you'll be 70yo. Chances are you can't help with childcare at 70yo or won't even be around. That's sooooo unfair, right?

You do whatever is best for you and your family. So what that you're 58 with kids in college? I bet you can afford college tuition better towards the end of your career and peak earnings than middle age (if you had your child at 25yo and were 43yo).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to have a newborn at 40 but that’s just me! Go for it if you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

You are just one who stopped early. It’s not at all abnormal to be 58 and have a college freshman. A busy, crawling-everywhere 9 month old is an infant???!

Lol. Let's keep extending this. If you're 58 and have a college freshman (18yo), then if your child also waits to have kids (30yo), then you'll be 70yo. Chances are you can't help with childcare at 70yo or won't even be around. That's sooooo unfair, right?

You do whatever is best for you and your family. So what that you're 58 with kids in college? I bet you can afford college tuition better towards the end of your career and peak earnings than middle age (if you had your child at 25yo and were 43yo).

When I was born my grandparents were in their mid-late 70s. My paternal grandfather was 80. Not that unusual but all but one of my 4 grandparents were dead by the time I was 10. So that’s one side effect to waiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

I know OP hates this advice, but I agree 100%. OP is on the older side and a third is more of a “luxury” than the first or second. Why take on so much risk just to have that fashionable third? Plus, even for a young mom, I think having a third intentionally is silly unless you’re well-off, SAH, and have local family help. Otherwise it’s too stressful!

[Anonymous]

I had 3 boys in 2 1/2 years (fertility issues, last one was a surprise, first were twins). I was 39 with 3 under 3! It’s all exhausting but if your heart says yes, go for it. That said, 3 kids is MUCH harder than 2. But you do lessen your standards a bit. That said, I can’t imagine my life without my youngest.

[Anonymous]

Dont do it OP. Mom of 3 kids here. While I don't regret it, it is a LOT harder than having two kids, especially if both parents are going to be working full time.

[Anonymous]

Think about whether you want more grandchildren and if you want your kids to have more people to hang with at family gatherings.

[Anonymous]

I gave birth to my first at 40 and adopted my next 2 at 43 and 45. So, there's always that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have two kids - a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. Our plan was to have two kids and then my husband would get a vasectomy, but now we are unsure if we should make a permanent change. We have always wanted to kids, but now we ( mostly my husband) are considering having a third. I think we are mostly still only having two kids, but I think the option to have another would be nice. I'm 39 ( turning 40 in May) ) and had kids at 37 and 39. We both work full-time and pay almost $40k a year in childcare costs. We can afford a third child, but not having a third will mean more flexible income for us. We live in a 3bed 2 bath condo in the city, and our plan is to move to the suburbs once our oldest is ready for school. Having a third will likely make us move sooner for more room. We have two fairly easy kids that are good sleepers ( with help of sleep training), but that doesn't mean the third will easy. I don't know if we should wait on the vasectomy or rule out a third child and do it.

Enjoy your babies now and stop at two. You don't need three and should be very grateful you have two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think you are a little too old. We have three and the my husband got a vasectomy because we definitely did not want 4. Also, we have 3+ years between #2 and #3. You still have a newborn and you are 40. I would stop there

OP is not old. Plenty of moms are having another child at her age. I’ve known some moms who had their first child at 39. Also, she has an infant, not a newborn.

She will be 58+ by the time the third goes to college and that is older than my mom was when she became a grandma. That is what I think about. I had my third at 34 and honestly I felt like I was pushing it. But of course we all have different plans. If she were considering the first or the second, I would not suggest to stop because being a mom and giving your child a sibling outweigh in my opinion the negatives of being an older parent. For a third, however, it just seems unfair to the third baby

Was your mom a teen mom? Being a grandma and not even being 58 is crazy to me. Women today are having kids later. Being 58 when your kid goes to college is not old. 34 is not old to have a baby either. I think you all should back off and stop telling OP she is old.

It's perfectly normal to be a grandma at 58. This means both the woman and her daughter had children at a very reasonable age of 28ish. Having young grandparents is a blessing, and giving your children more time with grandparents is a great gift.