s/o "intensive parenting" - do you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This came up in the other thread and I am interested in this idea.

Would you say your parenting style falls into this category? What kinds of activities/attitudes would you say are "intense"?

Are we talking like Tiger Moms?

The reason I'm confused is because some people in there were talking as if having dinner together every night, reading every night and playing card or board games, taking your kids to activities a few times a week, taking them out for fun or enriching excursions every weekend, going out to dinner a lot, lots of vacations, etc. would be categorized as "intensive parenting' but isn't all that just par for the course for UMC parents and has been since like the 80s at least?

This kinda is intense, especially if you have two working parents. This basically describes always being on and engaging with your kid, and when do you get a break?

After they go to bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason I'm confused is because some people in there were talking as if having dinner together every night, reading every night and playing card or board games, taking your kids to activities a few times a week, taking them out for fun or enriching excursions every weekend, going out to dinner a lot, lots of vacations, etc. would be categorized as "intensive parenting' but isn't all that just par for the course for UMC parents and has been since like the 80s at least?

What you're describing sounds pretty intense to me, although I'm not familiar with the term "intensive parenting." The part about eating out and vacationing a lot doesn't make sense either -- how is that any more "parenting" than eating at home and spending time at home. If anything, it seems like less "parenting."

Eating out a lot and having a lot of vacations sounds like "we have a lot of disposable income and paid leave," not "intensive parenting."

[Anonymous]

Re: the "lots of vacations" comment

IME rich people tend to think travel is really good and enriching for kids. In our affluent town, pretty much everyone goes somewhere for each school break. So you're talking at least three or four plane trips a year.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, we eat out a lot and go on vacation a lot but I do NOT do intensive parenting. i like my kids to just hang out and entertain themselves at home, or go out in the neighborhood and find friends to play with. It's not my job to entertain you. You have toys, you have video games, you have bikes, you have art supplies. Leave me alone when I'm trying to relax. And I sure as hell am not driving anyone to any after-school activities unless they show an unnatural and lucrative talent in that field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think of intensive parenting more as the effort to have total emotional control over yourself so you are always calm and supportive with your child: "Larla, when you hit me, I feel bad. What can we do to help you have gentle hands?" Rather than "OMG, why would you just hit me in the face! Go to your room!" And, jumping up to meet the needs of kids first, so leaving the table and your own plate to get Hester more sliced strawberries rather than saying, "I'm eating right now, but you can get the strawberries or I'll get them when I finish my food"

The above examples are for elementary aged kids. I feel like I do less of the above than other parents I know, but I cater to my kid more than my parents did, and I was much more independent and capable than my child is at the same age. In terms of activities, my kid does more than I did, but there is also just more offered now than 30 or 40 years ago. Kids are bigger business for better and for worse.

A Christmas Story suggests this has been the lot of mothers since the 1930s.

“My mother had not had a meal for herself in 15 years.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think of intensive parenting more as the effort to have total emotional control over yourself so you are always calm and supportive with your child: "Larla, when you hit me, I feel bad. What can we do to help you have gentle hands?" Rather than "OMG, why would you just hit me in the face! Go to your room!" And, jumping up to meet the needs of kids first, so leaving the table and your own plate to get Hester more sliced strawberries rather than saying, "I'm eating right now, but you can get the strawberries or I'll get them when I finish my food"

The above examples are for elementary aged kids. I feel like I do less of the above than other parents I know, but I cater to my kid more than my parents did, and I was much more independent and capable than my child is at the same age. In terms of activities, my kid does more than I did, but there is also just more offered now than 30 or 40 years ago. Kids are bigger business for better and for worse.

A Christmas Story suggests this has been the lot of mothers since the 1930s.

“My mother had not had a meal for herself in 15 years.”

That movie was made in the 1980s and was about the 1950s.