Hypersexuality during bipolar mania?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Memory loss is very common during manic periods.

Mom of newly diagnosed teen with BPAD

Memory loss or rewriting history?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an affair with a married woman who had bpd. She was absolutely insatiable and the best sex of my life when manic.

Amazing woman but I couldn't be married to her

She sounds just like my ex-wife. Did you meet her at work?

Work conference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am bipolar II man, and I cheated many times While I was undiagnosed. I did not know what was going on.

I cost me a divorce and I promised myself to seek help and change. Now, I am in a stable relationship while medicated...no cheating and no issues.


It is easier for others to judge and condemn others with mental health issues, but I can tell you that the correct RX makes me more stable than the average people.

I rarely argue and I am able to resolve matters with gallantry. In the past, I punched walls,, hit the TV with a baseball bat, screamed at my ex for no reason, hit the car breaks while driving if I was in at argument, etc.

If you are bipolar II please seek help. It will get better.

If you are attached to someone bipolar that refuses help you should leave him or her. The situation will not change without medication. At least 6 years or counseling, year long anger management class, and church attendance could not help a bit. The combination of those and medication made a difference.

You don’t want to be judged? Too bad.

[Anonymous]

^ I think the man is trying to offer information on what made a difference and what did not, and was refreshingly honest about leaving a partner when not treated. It was a good perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am bipolar II man, and I cheated many times While I was undiagnosed. I did not know what was going on.

I cost me a divorce and I promised myself to seek help and change. Now, I am in a stable relationship while medicated...no cheating and no issues.


It is easier for others to judge and condemn others with mental health issues, but I can tell you that the correct RX makes me more stable than the average people.

I rarely argue and I am able to resolve matters with gallantry. In the past, I punched walls,, hit the TV with a baseball bat, screamed at my ex for no reason, hit the car breaks while driving if I was in at argument, etc.

If you are bipolar II please seek help. It will get better.

If you are attached to someone bipolar that refuses help you should leave him or her. The situation will not change without medication. At least 6 years or counseling, year long anger management class, and church attendance could not help a bit. The combination of those and medication made a difference.

Thanks for an honest perspective. Do you have kids with your ex-wife? Are you regretful of how y o u treated your ex-wife? I feel a bit sorry for her since she got the worse of y o u even though you're doing better now. Are you in touch with her at all?

BTW, I'm glad that you want to do better and are doing so.

[Anonymous]

It is very odd that you can't see the evidence of the illness. Bipolar is typically pretty evident since the diagnosis requires fairly extreme mood states and people's behavior changes as they move between them. You would definitely see evidence of hypo mania and depression. It doesn't sound like he has has mania as you would 100% know if there had been a manic episode. This doesn't really seem to add up to a typical presentation. Memory can definitely her hazy or be remembered through the distorted lens of hypo mania.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very odd that you can't see the evidence of the illness. Bipolar is typically pretty evident since the diagnosis requires fairly extreme mood states and people's behavior changes as they move between them. You would definitely see evidence of hypo mania and depression. It doesn't sound like he has has mania as you would 100% know if there had been a manic episode. This doesn't really seem to add up to a typical presentation. Memory can definitely her hazy or be remembered through the distorted lens of hypo mania.

OP here. It's all very confusing for the reasons you state here. I thought I was knowledgeable about bipolar disorder before this, and I never would have suspected he had it. His cheating episodes were so wildly outside his normal behavior/personality that when you read about hypersexuality -- the danger, the anonymity, the homosexuality -- it sounds textbook. But, like you said, very little else seems textbook. EXCEPT there are some other things we've read about, particularly "loss of sequencing," that hit home big time. The sample fights and interactions in this book he's been reading about the disorder read like a SCRIPT for the fights we've had the past couple years. But yeah, the tricky part now is every time he's irritated or absent-minded, I think, is he manic right now? Or is this just normal emotion? We no longer know what's his personality and what's the disorder. And that only matters if we have hope that it can be treated successfully.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have no kids. I know that you feel dependent on him for physical help, but you can get physical help that doesn't bring this kind of burden for you to deal with.

Get out of this. It doesn't have to be yours to deal with for life. I'm so sorry for him, but this doesn't have to be what you deal with until you die.

[Anonymous]

OP -- you said in a PP, "I have a chronic, degenerative health problem and need help with daily chores and long-term medical care. Bummer."

Can I respectfully suggest that you start to consider how you will deal with this independently? Even if you decide to stay with your DH now, the bipolar means that basically, any time in the future, he could be unreliable.

Yes, I strongly believe that with proper medication, bipolar persons can live stable, healthy lives. BUT, they are many more risks that can make that stability collapse -- can't take meds any more, have to switch meds, subject to stress and decompensated, etc.

It is normal that we believe that we can depend on our spouses to have our back and support us - and we can debate on another whether that is a rational/reasonable assumption in any relationship - but in a relationship with a bipolar person, it is not really rational to assume long-term stability (IME).

If you are going to stay for any amount of time, you need to put a variety of protections in place already mentioned by PPs, but in addition, you need to think about your chronic health condition and how you can live independently for life -- is your physical home and location right for this? have you been building out your network of friends and organizations that can help you age successfully? have you fully explored your options like SSDI, health insurance, grants for disability modifications, support dog, whatever, both now and in the future and considered what you would be eligible for if married or single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very odd that you can't see the evidence of the illness. Bipolar is typically pretty evident since the diagnosis requires fairly extreme mood states and people's behavior changes as they move between them. You would definitely see evidence of hypo mania and depression. It doesn't sound like he has has mania as you would 100% know if there had been a manic episode. This doesn't really seem to add up to a typical presentation. Memory can definitely her hazy or be remembered through the distorted lens of hypo mania.

OP here. It's all very confusing for the reasons you state here. I thought I was knowledgeable about bipolar disorder before this, and I never would have suspected he had it. His cheating episodes were so wildly outside his normal behavior/personality that when you read about hypersexuality -- the danger, the anonymity, the homosexuality -- it sounds textbook. But, like you said, very little else seems textbook. EXCEPT there are some other things we've read about, particularly "loss of sequencing," that hit home big time. The sample fights and interactions in this book he's been reading about the disorder read like a SCRIPT for the fights we've had the past couple years. But yeah, the tricky part now is every time he's irritated or absent-minded, I think, is he manic right now? Or is this just normal emotion? We no longer know what's his personality and what's the disorder. And that only matters if we have hope that it can be treated successfully.

It is not odd at all, especially with bipolar type II. First of all, hypomania presents as decisions that many people interpret in the realm of "normal but unwise". Overspent? Had sex with the wrong person? Gambled? Staying up late? Drinking a bit more? Overly chatty with people? Can't stay organized/on task? All signs of hypomania. All normal also.

The average time to diagnosis for bipolar is in the range of 5-10 YEARS!!! See, for example, this article https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2796048/

Think about that. If the patient and the doctor doesn't recognize bipolar, how on earth is the partner supposed to? Especially since a big part of hypomania/mania is hidden by the bipolar person.

Bipolar is not "pretty evident' unless your first episode is a florid mania (i.e. a mania that disconnects the person from reality -- like I'm gonna be president or I can fly or Jesus is speaking to me). In that case, you will probably be diagnosed as BP Type I fairly quickly. But, if your florid mania is paranoid you may be misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, particularly if it lasts a long time (like months) and you don't cycle back to mainline or depressive state within a few weeks.

If your first episode of BP is depression, you will likely be diagnosed as having depression only and you may even be prescribed anti-depressants, which for a BP person are terrible -- they can make anxiety worse and flip the person into a manic or hypomanic state. Because the person has been diagnosed as having depression, IME, the hypomania will be missed, and, especially if it is dysphoric, the behavior will be misinterpreted as depression w/ meds that aren't working or depression/asshole behavior.

Also, by definition BP Type II (depression/hypomania) is less extreme mood states than BP I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There are still a million unanswered questions about his behavior and the future of my marriage, but for now, I'm interested in other people's experiences with outrageous, out-of-the-norm, out-of-control sexual behavior by their loved ones or acquaintances with BPD. If the person wants to stop this behavior and takes their medication, are they able to maintain self-control in their crazy manic moments?

DH has been like this the past few days. He's not cheated, but tried to have sex with me yesterday while I was laying down nursing ds, with 5.5 year old dd playing in the room.

When like this, he needs sex to help relax and fall asleep. That works well enough, so I go for it even if uninterested because the mania becomes intensely stressful if he goes days without sleep. If I'm very tired and he needs sex, I make myself comfortable and fall asleep while he has sex.

You asked:
If the person wants to stop this behavior and takes their medication, are they able to maintain self-control in their crazy manic moments?

From what I've seen so far, taking meds doesn't help with self control once the episode started. In these times, I just try to keep things stress-free to encourage sleep, because its the insomnia that makes him lose self control. These are the times when I'm stressed but act as chill and easy going as I can, because he's defensive about being treated like a crazy person.

[Anonymous]

08:15

“Thanks for an honest perspective. Do you have kids with your ex-wife? Are you regretful of how y o u treated your ex-wife? I feel a bit sorry for her since she got the worse of y o u even though you're doing better now. Are you in touch with her at all? BTW, I'm glad that you want to do better and are doing so.”

I have kids with my ex, and they adapted well to the divorce. The thing is, I was not able to enjoy them very much because I always had a mental fog, anxiety, or depression. We enjoy our time very much when we are together. being Bipolar took away the ability to enjoy the present, and I do whatever I can to enjoy every second I have with them from now on. We play board games, cook together, do trails etc.

I also feel sorry for my past behavior, but I am afraid that she also suffers from untreated depression resulting in high irritability. The irony is that I now co parent with her with white gloves because I know what she is going thru, even when she refuses to accept her condition. I do look back at times and truly regret how I managed my anger, anxiety and hyper sexual drive. I asked for forgiveness many many times at the end, while attending church, psychiatrist and therapists but it was too late.

I am in touch with her because we have to co parent, but I rather do it via text or Email unless absolutely necessary. She has not been very kind as a co parent, and I feel she resents me moving on and changing for the better after we split.

I am in a great and steady relationship with someone wonderful now. I have been very honest about my mental health and have not given a reason to doubt my progress.

It is sad. No one asks to be born this way and yet we have to pay for consequences of our instability. I wish I knew I was bipolar when the symptoms arises.... It cost me my first family, but I will do whatever I can to preserve and care for the second chance that God has given me.

So, those are the cards that I had to play with. A tough hand with some loses along the way, but still showing growth, hope, and love For myself, kids and my new partner at the end.

[Anonymous]

16:45 thanks so much for your honesty. It means a lot to those us us on this thread dealing with this. I’m so glad you’re doing well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are still a million unanswered questions about his behavior and the future of my marriage, but for now, I'm interested in other people's experiences with outrageous, out-of-the-norm, out-of-control sexual behavior by their loved ones or acquaintances with BPD. If the person wants to stop this behavior and takes their medication, are they able to maintain self-control in their crazy manic moments?

DH has been like this the past few days. He's not cheated, but tried to have sex with me yesterday while I was laying down nursing ds, with 5.5 year old dd playing in the room.

When like this, he needs sex to help relax and fall asleep. That works well enough, so I go for it even if uninterested because the mania becomes intensely stressful if he goes days without sleep. If I'm very tired and he needs sex, I make myself comfortable and fall asleep while he has sex.

I am so sorry. This may be the worst thing I’ve ever read here. Do you think your 5.5 year old child didn’t notice? There has to be a better life for you than this.

[Anonymous]

16:45 thanks for responding. I hear what you say when you say these are the cards you dealt with but I feel your ex-wife had worse cards she dealt with because she married you. Her depression could be linked to dealing with you/your violence/disease. You have moved on but she’s sort of stuck with consequences. She got the worst of you and you are not giving her any of your best.

Not a criticism of you but just the way I see it for your ex-wife. So unfair for her.