Help me explain this to my husband

[Anonymous]

His its okay if we are late comment - is this meaning it is okay if we are later than the exceedingly early time you have set as in hair appt is at 10:00 so it si okay if we arrive at 9:45 even though that is late based on the 9:30 arrival time you have set or it is okay if we are late for the actual event - hair appointment is at 10:00 but its okay if we arrive at 10:30.

You sound like an extreme micro manager. Most spouses push back against controlling spouses. They want to feel like an equal partner who can also make decisions and be in charge and do their own thing.

[Anonymous]

OP-#1 your DH sounds like an immature jerk. If your all in the wedding-you are there to support the couple and bringing any of your stress into the wedding is just something you need to not do. And your DH truly needs to step up and parent his kids. This could be a fun day and most of the women here know that hair and make up is stressful-and fun. There's zero reason your DH who will just be slapping on a suit when its time for him to get dressed can't handle all 3 on his own as I bet you'd do OP if he had the kind of wedding day obligations you'll have.

And-if there's any other kids in the wedding he can strategize with those parents. The extended family might be good options too.

[Anonymous]

I would come clean and admit you have mental health issues. I would ask him to bear with you on the happy but hectic occasion coming up, as there is not time to work through the anxiety issues in time before hand. I would agree to book an appointment to start getting help so that this would become less of an issue in the future.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing OP's H has a history of mentally checking out when he's supposed to be on-duty with the kids. That's probably why she doesn't want him playing around on the VR where he wouldn't be able to physically see his 3 children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t “let” him bring his VR headset? Start treating him like an adult and maybe he’ll stop trying to annoy you.

Lol, how would he watch the kids if he has a vr headset strapped to his face? I cannot fathom why he'd even suggest bringing it.

+1 my thought exactly. Ask him how he can watch the kids if he’s doing VR.

[Anonymous]

Does the hotel have an indoor pool or activity room? Often the front desk has games like checkers or connect 4. There are a lot of fun ways to pass the time ... maybe even jumping on the beds. Either way u seem stressed and he should be king to u because it’s a big day in your family.

[Anonymous]

Kind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is partly a vent and partly I need advice on how to explain to my husband how I feel. My sibling is getting married and my 3 children (ages 5-8) are in the wedding as are my husband and I. We are all very excited and I'm sure it will be a wonderful weekend but it's a lot of work getting everyone ready and where they need to be at all the various times we need to be specific places (hair, nails, makeup, dressed for photos etc). I'm always stressed about being places on time, I just don't like being late, but it annoys my husband and he hates that I get stressed and then we are usually the first people wherever we are going. The wedding weekend though we really can't be late. He was asking me about the schedule for the weekend and I was just telling him when we needed to be where. I told him I would try not to act crazy but if I do he is welcome to NICELY tell me I'm acting crazy and it will be ok. His response is to tell me it's ok if we're late. I told him when he says things like that, whether he means it or not, I hear "I'm not going to try to be ready on time" and it just adds to my stress. I tried to explain that he can tell me "it will be ok, we have plenty of time", or just "it's ok" but he's just not getting how I'm feeling and I feel like he's purposely trying to annoy me because he just refuses to see why that bothers me and just keeps insisting it doesn't matter if we're late and I just need to "get over" my anxiety about being late.

On top of that, we have to be at the wedding location early to get ready there. I have to get ready first so I can help my SIL get ready and then I'll come back to our room to get the children ready before pictures. My husband and the children will have a couple of hours of sitting around in the hotel but they all have tablets and I'm bringing plenty of food as well. You'd think I asked a 3 year old to sit still and not move for 3 hours the way my husband is acting about having to get to the hotel 2 hours early. He's upset that I won't let him bring his virtual reality headset to the hotel and I don't understand why he can't manage with his smart phone and tablet for that time. The children aren't complaining about having to go early and are happy to have the opportunity to use their tablets more than they are usually allowed. Am I not understanding something or is he just being difficult? And how can I explain to my husband that this is stressful for me and he's not helping but adding to it.

It sounds like your husband is having a reaction to you always being anxious/stressed/overbearing about being on time and doesn’t see this wedding as anything out of the ordinary from your regular stress level on being punctual. He’s reacting bc you’ve stressed every time about being on time and are always the first ones there, so it appears your stress was unwarranted. It’s kind of like the boy who cried wolf... but THIS time it’s really actually important. I promise

Says the DH that can’t manage time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the hotel have an indoor pool or activity room? Often the front desk has games like checkers or connect 4. There are a lot of fun ways to pass the time ... maybe even jumping on the beds. Either way u seem stressed and he should be king to u because it’s a big day in your family.

Taking the kids to an indoor pool 2 hours before they need to get ready to be in a wedding is a really bad idea. First, that indoor chlorine reek will stay on them even after a shower. And OP will have to supervise 3 kids getting showered in a hotel room after she's all done up. Their eyes will be red in photos. And they will be extra tired even before a full day of wedding events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is partly a vent and partly I need advice on how to explain to my husband how I feel. My sibling is getting married and my 3 children (ages 5-8) are in the wedding as are my husband and I. We are all very excited and I'm sure it will be a wonderful weekend but it's a lot of work getting everyone ready and where they need to be at all the various times we need to be specific places (hair, nails, makeup, dressed for photos etc). I'm always stressed about being places on time, I just don't like being late, but it annoys my husband and he hates that I get stressed and then we are usually the first people wherever we are going. The wedding weekend though we really can't be late. He was asking me about the schedule for the weekend and I was just telling him when we needed to be where. I told him I would try not to act crazy but if I do he is welcome to NICELY tell me I'm acting crazy and it will be ok. His response is to tell me it's ok if we're late. I told him when he says things like that, whether he means it or not, I hear "I'm not going to try to be ready on time" and it just adds to my stress. I tried to explain that he can tell me "it will be ok, we have plenty of time", or just "it's ok" but he's just not getting how I'm feeling and I feel like he's purposely trying to annoy me because he just refuses to see why that bothers me and just keeps insisting it doesn't matter if we're late and I just need to "get over" my anxiety about being late.

On top of that, we have to be at the wedding location early to get ready there. I have to get ready first so I can help my SIL get ready and then I'll come back to our room to get the children ready before pictures. My husband and the children will have a couple of hours of sitting around in the hotel but they all have tablets and I'm bringing plenty of food as well. You'd think I asked a 3 year old to sit still and not move for 3 hours the way my husband is acting about having to get to the hotel 2 hours early. He's upset that I won't let him bring his virtual reality headset to the hotel and I don't understand why he can't manage with his smart phone and tablet for that time. The children aren't complaining about having to go early and are happy to have the opportunity to use their tablets more than they are usually allowed. Am I not understanding something or is he just being difficult? And how can I explain to my husband that this is stressful for me and he's not helping but adding to it.

It sounds like your husband is having a reaction to you always being anxious/stressed/overbearing about being on time and doesn’t see this wedding as anything out of the ordinary from your regular stress level on being punctual. He’s reacting bc you’ve stressed every time about being on time and are always the first ones there, so it appears your stress was unwarranted. It’s kind of like the boy who cried wolf... but THIS time it’s really actually important. I promise

Says the DH that can’t manage time.

I'd be stressed too if my H didn't care about being on time ever. So much can go wrong with 3 kids and an apparently check out H. No wonder she has anxiety.

[Anonymous]

You sound loony!

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would hire a competent sitter to handle the kids for the morning, so that they get to go to a park (or better yet, does the hotel have a pool?)

Have the sitter wear the kids out, then bring them back to your hotel room by a time that is about 45 min before you plan to get them dressed. The sitter can give them a quick rinse-off bath, and they can sit in towels and undies and play with ipads or whatever While they eat a snack for half an hour. DH can zone out on his VR headset like the child he apparently is and you will stroll in at the prescribed time to three kids who are recently fed, clean and had a chance to get some energy out.

In the future, you need to work on your anxiety so that you can actually work as a team but it’s probably too late for that to help with this event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won’t “let” him bring his VR headset? Start treating him like an adult and maybe he’ll stop trying to annoy you.

Exactly.

He's an adult. If he wants to bring his 'toy' to occupy him during the 2-hour wait, that's his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the hotel have an indoor pool or activity room? Often the front desk has games like checkers or connect 4. There are a lot of fun ways to pass the time ... maybe even jumping on the beds. Either way u seem stressed and he should be king to u because it’s a big day in your family.

You don't let kids jump on the bed which will annoy others or possibly break the bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t “let” him bring his VR headset? Start treating him like an adult and maybe he’ll stop trying to annoy you.

Exactly.

He's an adult. If he wants to bring his 'toy' to occupy him during the 2-hour wait, that's his choice.

How does he supervise 3 kids at the same time?