Older siblings who still lecture you... it doesn't ever end, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.

Hmm.... now I’m wondering if this really is you. If it is, then my “lecture” was directed at how your actions are involving our parents and they can no longer do this type of work in their current health. You still act like a child and expect them to drop everything to run and help you. They are elderly and we should be helping them because they are not well. Open your eyes. They are not the strong parents you remember from 30 years ago and now they need our help. Mom was exhausted last night and is downright frail. So yes. I will continue to lecture you when you expect the world to stop what they are doing to physically help you.

NP: You sound awful. You aren’t entitled to go around smugly giving a lot of unsolicited advice because “that’s who we are.” It sounds like that is not who your sister is. Maybe you should “open your eyes.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.

Hmm.... now I’m wondering if this really is you. If it is, then my “lecture” was directed at how your actions are involving our parents and they can no longer do this type of work in their current health. You still act like a child and expect them to drop everything to run and help you. They are elderly and we should be helping them because they are not well. Open your eyes. They are not the strong parents you remember from 30 years ago and now they need our help. Mom was exhausted last night and is downright frail. So yes. I will continue to lecture you when you expect the world to stop what they are doing to physically help you.

Every family has that one self-appointed boss, who's taken it upon themselves (w/o anyone asking them) to intervene in the affairs of other adults. Almost certainly as a distraction from issues in their own lives.

Congratulations pp, that person is you.

And what's "right" or "wrong" is irrelevant. It's not your place to meddle in the issues of other adults, family or not (provided they are not directly impacting you).

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't lecture, but she is so dismissive of anything I say to her. There can't possibly be anything that I could tell her that she doesn't already know.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something. [/quote]

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.[/quote]

Hmm.... now I’m wondering if this really is you. If it is, then my “lecture” was directed at how your actions are involving our parents and they can no longer do this type of work in their current health. You still act like a child and expect them to drop everything to run and help you. They are elderly and we should be helping them because they are not well. Open your eyes. They are not the strong parents you remember from 30 years ago and now they need our help. Mom was exhausted last night and is downright frail. So yes. I will continue to lecture you when you expect the world to stop what they are doing to physically help you. [/quote]

Uh, I'm not your sibling but you have issues. I think your parents can defend themselves. Don't butt yourself into the business of adults.

Sounds like you need an outlet that doesn't include going off on people. [/quote]



- They are just insecure. Don’t enterntain somebody who never got attention from their parents, the eldest is the most deluded and traumatised, let them figure out they need therapy for a lifetime instead of pushing their insecurities and trying to change evrybody around them, when they aren’t willing to take advice of their own and project their pressures (all in their head) into others. They are lucky they are the eldest cuz they cannot deal being younger. They don’t know what they on about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40, a grown ass woman, and the unsolicited "advice" never ceases.

Do I have thoughts and opinions about my siblings and their lives and choices? Of course! But if it's not harming anyone, I shut my mouth. None of my business.

See this is an old post, but the best thing that ever happened to me was when I was in my late 20s and younger sister, two years younger, just let me have it over always trying to dictate every GD last thing as well as be dismissive of her life/choices/interests. And she was totally right. I'm sure I'm not good at dialing it back as needed, but it really has made me a lot more aware of having adult relationships with my siblings. Believe this came in handy with both our parents' and the ends of their lives. I was a lot more conscientious about posing questions and soliciting input on next steps with our parents - for sundry reasons this task often fell to me - rather than presenting everything as a fait accompli to them. We were always able to come to agreement, even in the hardest times.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in our early 60s and our oldest siblings still do this. We laugh at them and ignore their advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. But at a certain age it makes you smile rather than get annoyed.

I hope I hit that age soon, then, because I'm about to lose it with one of my brothers, who isn't letting his lack of familiarity with a situation stop him from opining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. But at a certain age it makes you smile rather than get annoyed.

I hope I hit that age soon, then, because I'm about to lose it with one of my brothers, who isn't letting his lack of familiarity with a situation stop him from opining.

Always so grateful that my brother, who is in his 60s, never took on that trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s the person, not the sibling. I’m the eldest of four and have never lectured anyone once I left for college.

This. It's a certain type of personality that thinks people give a sh&t about their advice. my sister is one of those people. She is a know-it-all trainwreck. I don't really share enough info for her ti try to give unsolicited advice, but she will attempt it about even the weather (you should get this brand of coat).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK?

You going to tell her to cut it out, or not? What is the point of this thread?

lol you think that stops it?

For me, it’s my father who does this because I have no siblings.

In my experience, not having siblings just means that your parents who have/had siblings will treat you like the weakest one.

I just avoid them without cutting them off, but I don’t expect even common courtesy from them.