Older siblings who still lecture you... it doesn't ever end, does it?

[Anonymous]

OP, as long as you are not financially dependent on your family ... then the right thing is for adults to treat each other equals. State that is what you expect. Call them out on any behavior that does not respect you as an equal peer. You would not put up with that behavior from a friend, right? There is no reason to put up with it from family.

Make sure you've stated what your expectation is. If it's not honored, then you need to be courteous. But may have to excuse yourself and find other more suitable people who's company you enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one super smart brother who lectures me...sometimes about my own field of expertise, which isn’t related to his.

“They way the do it, you see, is that they essential...”

Someone like that isnt going to magically change, so try to find humor in it instead of getting offended or upset.

This. I have not dealt with this issue (I’m the oldest of 2, and we are so close in age that we have never had this dynamic). My DH has an older sister who lectures him endlessly about parenting (she is childless!) and his own field (a medical specialty). She is nuts. He tries to find the humor in it.

I think in some cases it isn’t even age but personality- often a sibling with a dominant personality or who was favored or deferred to in childhood and it has stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK?

You going to tell her to cut it out, or not? What is the point of this thread?

lol you think that stops it?

So then cut contact or limit contact. Yes, and? What is the point of this thread?

Uh, to relate to others?

Are you always this socially clueless?

[Anonymous]

Also 40. My sibling stopped lecturing me about 5 years ago. I suspect it is because my sh!t is clearly more together than hers and it became embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 older brothers (twins) that are 20 years older than me. I was a surprise late in life baby. I'm just a few years older than their kids. I might as well be one of their children. I've told them I already have a father and don't need another one. They pay no attention and keep giving their unsolicited advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 older brothers (twins) that are 20 years older than me. I was a surprise late in life baby. I'm just a few years older than their kids. I might as well be one of their children. I've told them I already have a father and don't need another one. They pay no attention and keep giving their unsolicited advice.

Me too pp, me too.

No, it never ends OP. I'm 5O. I've just learned to accept it and let all the advice roll off my back. They are never going to change. Peace out.

[Anonymous]

Nope, it never ends. My oldest sibling is 25 years older, the nearest to me 14 years older. I'm the baby in my early 50s and they think I don't know how to boil a pot of water on the stove.

Unbeknownst to them, I am a rather good cook. But when I'm around them, I just watch them cook because I don't know my way around the kitchen. Hey, less work for me! I'll just enjoy my glass of wine. They also think my spouse and I are dirt poor. We are not.

You just have to find it hilarious and look for the upsides.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a family of 7 kids. We are all in our 40s and 50s-- grown up, functioning members of society-- but there's still a part of everyone who sees us in the same "roles" we had as kids. It's dumb but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in a family of 7 kids. We are all in our 40s and 50s-- grown up, functioning members of society-- but there's still a part of everyone who sees us in the same "roles" we had as kids. It's dumb but it is what it is.

DH and I are from big families. For the most part, our sibling have "gotten over" the fact that they can' tell us what to do. Dh tried employing one or two of his family, and that went over like a lead balloon - irresponsible, unable to get along with others, and bossy do not make for good employees. DH's uncle apparently babysat DH once, decades ago, and still get over over that DH is now twice as old as (the uncle) was when he babysat DH. His problem, not ours.

[Anonymous]

Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

[Anonymous]

well, not everyone would want to be friends with you. Family is no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.

Hmm.... now I’m wondering if this really is you. If it is, then my “lecture” was directed at how your actions are involving our parents and they can no longer do this type of work in their current health. You still act like a child and expect them to drop everything to run and help you. They are elderly and we should be helping them because they are not well. Open your eyes. They are not the strong parents you remember from 30 years ago and now they need our help. Mom was exhausted last night and is downright frail. So yes. I will continue to lecture you when you expect the world to stop what they are doing to physically help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you my sister? Because today I told my sister my thoughts on something she was doing with her house and she’s gone silent. If it’s you then I say grow up. Our family talks. A LOT. All of the time. So stop thinking of it as a lecture and think of it as me giving my opinion. I welcome yours always and you frequently give it. As does every other member of the family on the group chat. That’s who we are and you can silence the notifications or block us. But you won’t and neither will we when you go off on something.

Interesting how you view it as others "going off on something' and not yourself, when you give unsolicited opinions.

Hmm.... now I’m wondering if this really is you. If it is, then my “lecture” was directed at how your actions are involving our parents and they can no longer do this type of work in their current health. You still act like a child and expect them to drop everything to run and help you. They are elderly and we should be helping them because they are not well. Open your eyes. They are not the strong parents you remember from 30 years ago and now they need our help. Mom was exhausted last night and is downright frail. So yes. I will continue to lecture you when you expect the world to stop what they are doing to physically help you.

Uh, I'm not your sibling but you have issues. I think your parents can defend themselves. Don't butt yourself into the business of adults.

Sounds like you need an outlet that doesn't include going off on people.

[Anonymous]

No. But at a certain age it makes you smile rather than get annoyed.