I found some VERY inappropriate social media comments about my D posted by one of her classmates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not tell the school. (Unless things escalate)

I would screen shot everything for proof. (Good idea)

I would call the parents. (Absolutely)

More importantly I would talk with my child before talking to anyone else. (Yes, include her)

My comments are in parantheses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not tell the school. (Unless things escalate)

I would screen shot everything for proof. (Good idea)

I would call the parents. (Absolutely)

More importantly I would talk with my child before talking to anyone else. (Yes, include her)

My comments are in parantheses

Thanks! Agree!

[Anonymous]

Define inappropriate

[Anonymous]

Probably something stupid like a 14 year old calling another 14 year old stupid

[Anonymous]

I would not bother as if they are not checking, they don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A similar thing happened to me and the boy refused to take it down so I said OK I’m gonna call your mom and let her deal with it. Then he took it down. Hes actually a really nice boy, his mother would’ve freaked out. In hindsight I’m glad I didn’t call her.

Good grief, how nice could he be if he refused to take it down until you threatened to call his parents??

[Anonymous]

As an adult, I am not sure I would ever contact a child. But, you did and the problem is solved (for now).

Another question I have. Do you think it is the school's responsibility to handle student phone issues (from inappropriate photos to bullying) when the postings occur on breaks or not on school hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also have called the school, shown the Principal and counselor the screen grab, and demanded they address it, because it’s bullying. I would have filed the bullying form as well.

. This is not bullying.

[Anonymous]

I'm a school counselor and a parent. Here is how I would have handled it.
1.) Told my daughter what I'd seen and asked her how she wanted to handle it. Ignoring it wouldn't be an option. I'd give her a chance to talk to the kid herself. She would not be surprised I saw the snap because she would know that I monitor her social media pretty regularly. That's part of our deal.
2.) If my kid wanted me to get involved or couldn't manage on her own, I'd tell her I was going to contact the kid. I'd give her the option to contact him with me. I'd tell her I wasn't going to be punitive but that he needed to take it down asap and understand why it was a mistake.
3.) Once I talked to the kid, if he did what this kid did, I'd tell him I was impressed with his ability to take responsibility and that I wanted to share his maturity with his parents. I'd ask him if he wanted to be there when I talked to them or to be on the phone when I called. Parents of a 14-year-old should know what's happening. The theme here is that I'm not doing anything behind kids' backs. Everything is on the up and up and meant to teach not humiliate or punish a kid who messed up but can learn from the mistake.
4.) I would not call the school unless it became a problem in school, meaning kids were making my kid's life miserable and talking about it there. And if I contacted the school, I'd tell my kid I was going to contact the school. Again, no secrets. I'd tell the school what I expected them to do. Too many counselors and administrators mishandle these situations. In this case, I'd want them to tell the boy they heard about it from someone who was NOT me or my kid, and that I did not want them to bring my kid and this boy together to "work it out." I'd just want them to tell the kid who did it what he had to do and let him know the repercussions of not doing those things. I'd also want them to tell him that if there was any backlash, he'd face additional consequences. I'd also want them to talk to him about why it was wrong.
5.) If the boy had been unrepentant and unresponsive, I would have told my daughter and him that I would be contacting his parents, end of story. Don't ever promise not to tell.
6.) If the post was still up after all these efforts, I'd contact the social media app involved and tell them the post violated their terms of service and that I wanted them to take it down. They will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also have called the school, shown the Principal and counselor the screen grab, and demanded they address it, because it’s bullying. I would have filed the bullying form as well.

. This is not bullying.

How do you know without seeing what was actually posted?

[Anonymous]

I would tell the boy if it happens again parents/school will be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents are nuts and will retaliate and make excuses for their kid. I think you have already handled it so I’d stop while you are ahead. Nothing his parents can do will compare to him actually being called out by you!! Parents tell their kids “other people read what you post and will judge you for it.” You just proved that to home directly.

He is 14, he apologized to you, he took it down. Move on with your life.

Yup.

Also agree. I would also commend the boy for being mature, apologizing and taking immediate action in removing the offensive material. However, I agree with those who say to screenshot the exchange as history. I would continue to monitor my child's social media and if this boy became a repeat offender, then I would escalate to his parents. He's 14. He made a mistake and it looks like he learned his lesson. If he hasn't, then I'd escalate.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I decided not to inform the parents since the boy removed the post immediately apologized profusely. Of course, when I told D what happened she was pissed at me for scolding the boy and didn’t think the post was that bad. But let me say just say that IT WAS. It had her name it in and included words like “pussy, lick, juices, etc...”. I asked my hubby if I was overreacting and he did not think so either. I think kids are just more loose with their words these days. I will continue to monitor and if he posts something similar again, his parents will be the first to know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I decided not to inform the parents since the boy removed the post immediately apologized profusely. Of course, when I told D what happened she was pissed at me for scolding the boy and didn’t think the post was that bad. But let me say just say that IT WAS. It had her name it in and included words like “pussy, lick, juices, etc...”. I asked my hubby if I was overreacting and he did not think so either. I think kids are just more loose with their words these days. I will continue to monitor and if he posts something similar again, his parents will be the first to know!

Nice job OP.

Hopefully the boy learned his lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adult, I am not sure I would ever contact a child. But, you did and the problem is solved (for now).

Another question I have. Do you think it is the school's responsibility to handle student phone issues (from inappropriate photos to bullying) when the postings occur on breaks or not on school hours?

NP Yes, it is and i have seen schools address it and handle it very well. Social media bullying is a big deal and can create a lot of drama and make school a toxic environment. Schools that are on top of the issues have this in their policies. The kids are not allowed to post inflammatory or bullying stuff online. Period.