Dealing with mental ill siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

I would still be kind, and try to help the sister, with the therapist’s support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

I would still be kind, and try to help the sister, with the therapist’s support.

Nope. You do not understand personality disorders. OP needs to enforce consistent boundaries not reward bad behavior with attention.

There are lot of crummy therapists. It sounds like mom is an enabler, not surprising.

I would recommend to your mom to look into residential programs, they can help at least stabilize things.

What is your families situation? Does your sister work? Do your parents or her have money for care and anything else they need?

You said she made xyz demands — can you broadly describe what she is looking for from you? If it’s money, she might qualify for SSI Disability because of severe mental health. If it’s attention she wants, maybe your mom can set her up with a home health aide or more frequent therapy and group therapy.

But clearly maintain boundaries. No direct contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You poor thing! I would be overwhelmed! I do think you should hire an expert in cyberstalking to help you straighten out all of your accounts. Maybe talk to local police detectives and they might give you a name of someone locally who does this. There must be some cybersecurity companies around. You need a professional to help you rather than doing piece meal yourself. Try local computer repair companies for suggestions. Keep looking until you find a reputable person. Google cyber security companies near me.

I agree with most of the advice you have received and second this. Your sister is using some kind of automated process with the emails. There's even a remote possibility it's mail/wire fraud.

At this level, I also think look into the LLC and PO Box. I would think your husband's company would agree to limit his contact information in a situation like this. And people change phone numbers.

My empathy and understanding would be out the window when she threatened my children. I would maintain no contact and consider drawing a boundary with your mother - you won't entertain contact with your sister at this time and won't discuss it.

Best of luck - this sounds like a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

I would still be kind, and try to help the sister, with the therapist’s support.

Nope. You do not understand personality disorders. OP needs to enforce consistent boundaries not reward bad behavior with attention.

There are lot of crummy therapists. It sounds like mom is an enabler, not surprising.

I would recommend to your mom to look into residential programs, they can help at least stabilize things.

What is your families situation? Does your sister work? Do your parents or her have money for care and anything else they need?

You said she made xyz demands — can you broadly describe what she is looking for from you? If it’s money, she might qualify for SSI Disability because of severe mental health. If it’s attention she wants, maybe your mom can set her up with a home health aide or more frequent therapy and group therapy.

But clearly maintain boundaries. No direct contact.

I do, and I still think it would be worth trying some limited contact with the sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

I would still be kind, and try to help the sister, with the therapist’s support.

Nope. You do not understand personality disorders. OP needs to enforce consistent boundaries not reward bad behavior with attention.

There are lot of crummy therapists. It sounds like mom is an enabler, not surprising.

I would recommend to your mom to look into residential programs, they can help at least stabilize things.

What is your families situation? Does your sister work? Do your parents or her have money for care and anything else they need?

You said she made xyz demands — can you broadly describe what she is looking for from you? If it’s money, she might qualify for SSI Disability because of severe mental health. If it’s attention she wants, maybe your mom can set her up with a home health aide or more frequent therapy and group therapy.

But clearly maintain boundaries. No direct contact.

PP is as crazy as the sister and does not get this at all. Op needs to maintain strong boundaries. OP is not responsible for her sister's irrational behavior and should not be a part of this process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

I would still be kind, and try to help the sister, with the therapist’s support.

Nope. You do not understand personality disorders. OP needs to enforce consistent boundaries not reward bad behavior with attention.

There are lot of crummy therapists. It sounds like mom is an enabler, not surprising.

I would recommend to your mom to look into residential programs, they can help at least stabilize things.

What is your families situation? Does your sister work? Do your parents or her have money for care and anything else they need?

You said she made xyz demands — can you broadly describe what she is looking for from you? If it’s money, she might qualify for SSI Disability because of severe mental health. If it’s attention she wants, maybe your mom can set her up with a home health aide or more frequent therapy and group therapy.

But clearly maintain boundaries. No direct contact.

I do, and I still think it would be worth trying some limited contact with the sister.

You are crazy. Really.

[Anonymous]

OP - I saw this article and thought of your situation:

https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/28/us/hawaii-man-arrested-cyberstalking-utah-family/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another quick OP update: via my mother, I heard today that sister is being urged by a therapist to “reach out to your sister so you can vent your problems and make her understand.” I don’t have a background in psychology but it sounds like my sister may have borderline personality disorder and the therapist’s advice seems really counterproductive. My mom is urging me to go along with this to repair relations and saying that since she’s in therapy she’s trying so we should ignore her mistakes. I don’t think the therapist understands that on the same day as the appointment, sister was bombing us with spam emails, texts, and calls. I feel like she’s baiting us to try to create a blowup so she can say to therapist that we are had people.

Stay no contact, right?

yes, stay no contact. you're going to be the bad guy no matter what, so you need to choose the bad guy option that's safest for you and your family.