Dealing with mental ill siblings

[Anonymous]

Op again: it’s hard to block the incoming emails as junk because every few months out of nowhere she will somehow sign us up for hundreds of emails/lists/etc. Like 500 will come through in two minutes, and they aren’t the kind that get filtered as spam. We’ve even been locked out of accounts because our workplaces have assumed that hackers have compromised our email accounts. I don’t understand the mechanics of it at all.

[Anonymous]

OP I thought I was the only one who’d ever lived like this. People really don’t believe it unless they’ve been through it. In our case it’s my own mother and she has borderline personality disorder. Unfortunately in this digital age it seems impossible to keep your contact information truly private so unsubscribing from lists and such is just part of our lives. I truly am sorry for the crazy you have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again: it’s hard to block the incoming emails as junk because every few months out of nowhere she will somehow sign us up for hundreds of emails/lists/etc. Like 500 will come through in two minutes, and they aren’t the kind that get filtered as spam. We’ve even been locked out of accounts because our workplaces have assumed that hackers have compromised our email accounts. I don’t understand the mechanics of it at all.

That is insane. Is she signing up for these things online? Someone suggested providing her with a "dummy" email. Maybe you should do just that.

[Anonymous]

Another quick OP update: via my mother, I heard today that sister is being urged by a therapist to “reach out to your sister so you can vent your problems and make her understand.” I don’t have a background in psychology but it sounds like my sister may have borderline personality disorder and the therapist’s advice seems really counterproductive. My mom is urging me to go along with this to repair relations and saying that since she’s in therapy she’s trying so we should ignore her mistakes. I don’t think the therapist understands that on the same day as the appointment, sister was bombing us with spam emails, texts, and calls. I feel like she’s baiting us to try to create a blowup so she can say to therapist that we are had people.

Stay no contact, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another quick OP update: via my mother, I heard today that sister is being urged by a therapist to “reach out to your sister so you can vent your problems and make her understand.” I don’t have a background in psychology but it sounds like my sister may have borderline personality disorder and the therapist’s advice seems really counterproductive. My mom is urging me to go along with this to repair relations and saying that since she’s in therapy she’s trying so we should ignore her mistakes. I don’t think the therapist understands that on the same day as the appointment, sister was bombing us with spam emails, texts, and calls. I feel like she’s baiting us to try to create a blowup so she can say to therapist that we are had people.

Stay no contact, right?

Have you shown your mother what you are actually dealing with? I mean have you physically shown her these hundreds of spam emails that you're getting? Your mom seems to think that all you have to do is "talk this out" with your sister. It makes me think that your mom doesn't quite understand exactly what you're dealing with.

[Anonymous]

OP have you considered looking into filing a police report for cyber stalking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP have you considered looking into filing a police report for cyber stalking?

Maybe show your mom the crazy number of spam emails you are getting and ask your mom to please, please tell sister to knock it off or you are going to have to file a police report for cyber stalking.

[Anonymous]

OP hold your ground and trust yourself. Protect your family and your privaoy. Therapists can be clueless idiots and don’t go along with their advice if it doesn’t make sense for your family.

Btdt.

[Anonymous]

My mom saw my inbox before I purged it and said “but she’s your sister, can’t you see she just wants to talk to you?”. My mom can’t be objective about her own daughter nor admit that this is bigger than just a sibling spat or my sister being “really stressed and tired.”

I don’t know if this is quite cyber stalking exactly but I appreciate having the phrase to file away for the future. The email/text situation is so weird that I’ve lacked even the vocabulary to describe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom saw my inbox before I purged it and said “but she’s your sister, can’t you see she just wants to talk to you?”. My mom can’t be objective about her own daughter nor admit that this is bigger than just a sibling spat or my sister being “really stressed and tired.”

I don’t know if this is quite cyber stalking exactly but I appreciate having the phrase to file away for the future. The email/text situation is so weird that I’ve lacked even the vocabulary to describe it.

O.k. so you showed your mom hundreds of spam emails "Get Low Cost Viagra here!" "Save big on Health Insurance!" "Personal trainer - get rates now"

And your Mom's reaction was "Oh, your sister just wants to talk to you"? In your sister's case it sounds like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

You poor thing! I would be overwhelmed! I do think you should hire an expert in cyberstalking to help you straighten out all of your accounts. Maybe talk to local police detectives and they might give you a name of someone locally who does this. There must be some cybersecurity companies around. You need a professional to help you rather than doing piece meal yourself. Try local computer repair companies for suggestions. Keep looking until you find a reputable person. Google cyber security companies near me.

[Anonymous]

I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try talking with your sister, with the therapist on the phone with you or on video with you. Maybe a small amount of contact, and venting of issues on your sister’s part, would help. Or at least the therapist may help you to get your sister to stop the inappropriate and harassing levels of reaching out and could be a witness if it does come to needing a restraining order.

If the sister has been honest/forthcoming with the therapist, no legitimate therapist would suggest reaching out. The therapy would focus on the sister learning to manage her own feelings and reactions. "Venting" is not going to move the sister closer to recovery, it will only reinforce her feelings. A real therapist would not suggest this as long as the sister is harassing OP.

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling who is not quite that bad, but exhibits similar behavior. I had to cut off my entire family because like your mother, they were full of excuses and also threatened me.

Depending on the person, this may escalate things, but what I did was file police reports anytime sibling or family contacted me or anytime I suspected they were doing something (such as calling from different numbers and hanging up when I answered), even if I didn’t have proof it was them. When they do contact me, I let them know that I am filing a police report and if they continue I will get a protective order, then I ignore all further contact.

So far it’s worked and they mostly leave me alone, but like I said, for certain people this can escalate things.

Hugs. It’s very scary and you feel crazy because everyone thinks you are in the wrong. I remember I almost cried the first time I showed the police sibling’s texts, because they were the first people to validate that sibling is mentally ill and not just “joking”.

[Anonymous]

8:44 here. Forgot to say, don’t fall for the therapist BS. It’s absolutely a trap. Even if the therapist means well, they are an advocate for your sister, not you. People with personality disorders are also extremely skilled at manipulating therapists.

I could see maybe speaking with sister after years of therapy and consistent behavior change. But as of right now, no way.