Sources for explaining negative consequences of early sexual activity to a teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

You live in a bubble. Absolutely this can happen anywhere. How do you think the Duggar's have so many babies so early? LOL....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

At 12??? No.

These conversations do need to occur by age 12.

They need to occur well, well before 12. Sex Ed needs to start from when they are preschoolers -- using the correct terminology, etc., and building on it every year after.

[Anonymous]

OP -- the key is to keep the lines of communication open. If you start locking down, she will go behind your back and won't feel like she can go to you if something does happen. Give her your opinion and why and have a discussion about it. And then monitor -- be authoritarian not authoritative. Let her know you're doing it so its not going behind her back and if you do discover something you respond with a conversation, not immediate punishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

Your kids have never gone to private school, have they? Yes, sex can and does happen with private school kids. However, the kids are a lot more supervised and the administrators have a good handle of what’s going on with whom. There aren’t many secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

Your kids have never gone to private school, have they? Yes, sex can and does happen with private school kids. However, the kids are a lot more supervised and the administrators have a good handle of what’s going on with whom. There aren’t many secrets.

Ummm... I’m a product of “good” private schools. I recently was talking to my mother about what was going on among the allegedly well supervised kids that were so nurtured and cared for with such small classes and everyone knows everyone. And she was shocked.

There were credible rape allegations at Sidwell, with a Presidents kid there and the Secret Service in attendance. But sure, it could never happen at your kids school.

[Anonymous]

Friend described dragging a copulating couple out from under a table at a Top School. So, yes, great supervision!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

+1. The fact OP doesn’t realize this to begin with is why she should be worried about her 12 year old having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

Your kids have never gone to private school, have they? Yes, sex can and does happen with private school kids. However, the kids are a lot more supervised and the administrators have a good handle of what’s going on with whom. There aren’t many secrets.

Yes, and you obviously have zero clue what kids do in HS. Live in your bubble it will not go well.

Let’s not digress. The original poster asked about a 12 year old and what she can do to possibly head off some issues. Kudos to her for thinking ahead!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

Your kids have never gone to private school, have they? Yes, sex can and does happen with private school kids. However, the kids are a lot more supervised and the administrators have a good handle of what’s going on with whom. There aren’t many secrets.

Yes, and you obviously have zero clue what kids do in HS. Live in your bubble it will not go well.

Let’s not digress. The original poster asked about a 12 year old and what she can do to possibly head off some issues. Kudos to her for thinking ahead!

There’s a huge difference between sexual activity in high school and at 12.

[Anonymous]

When I was 12 I had my first “boyfriend” — at summer camp. PPs are so sure you’d do XYZ if your daughter was dating but I’m telling you my parents had NO CLUE who I dated or hooked up with until I was in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify the price tag.

Your kids have never gone to private school, have they? Yes, sex can and does happen with private school kids. However, the kids are a lot more supervised and the administrators have a good handle of what’s going on with whom. There aren’t many secrets.

Yes, and you obviously have zero clue what kids do in HS. Live in your bubble it will not go well.

Let’s not digress. The original poster asked about a 12 year old and what she can do to possibly head off some issues. Kudos to her for thinking ahead!

There’s a huge difference between sexual activity in high school and at 12.

Did you not read her post?. She was looking for ways to discuss sexual activity to be preventative.

This really isn’t complicated . By age 12 approximately parents need to be open and honest with this subject. Kids need knowledge it’s a proven fact. They also need to know they can come to their parents and ask anything.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is different, but last year my kindergartener told me she’d kissed a boy and he’d kissed her. It turns out they kissed each other’s foreheads. I said I thought she had a long time for kissing and it was a good way to spread germs and, regardless, that shouldn’t happen at school. She said “oh, it didn’t! We ran behind a tree at the school picnic for a moment when you weren’t looking!”

I said I’d prefer she’d wait and not kiss again, but that I appreciated her honesty. She told me she wanted to tell me sooner, but the other child begged her not to, so we discussed the idea of secrets feeing good and I told her when she does eventually want to kiss or hug people that it’s very important that she actually wants it and the other person wants it. She (6 at the time) rolled her eyes and said “moooommmm, we’ve already talked about that.”

I was surprised how many conversations we could start coming out of this. When I was 12 a lot of people were kissing / interested in kissing. (I wasn’t one of them but witnessed a fair bit of spin the bottle). I think very few people, if any, were more sexually active before high school.

[Anonymous]

It’s just kissing BUT you do have to have the conversations now about sexual activity/safe sex, the dangers of sexting, consent, etc. etc. Honestly I’d say to have these conversations soon anyway even if your DD wasn’t “dating.”

Also make sure all time with her boyfriend is well-supervised and ideally in a group, as opposed to one on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just kissing BUT you do have to have the conversations now about sexual activity/safe sex, the dangers of sexting, consent, etc. etc. Honestly I’d say to have these conversations soon anyway even if your DD wasn’t “dating.”

Also make sure all time with her boyfriend is well-supervised and ideally in a group, as opposed to one on one.

Kids will kiss with their friends right there watching. I agree to send them in a group and no one on one dates but it’s not going to prevent kissing. My 9th grade bf and I kissed at school, in the middle of the mall on a bench, at the movies. Public places and groups do not deter kissing, though they may keep it from going much further.