Sources for explaining negative consequences of early sexual activity to a teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP— grab your kids iPhone and do a deep dive. No warning, before she gets good at covering up. You may not be at all happy with what you find in the “calculator app”. Unless you want your 12 year olds naked pictures all over the internet, of course.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to be having sex at 16 as long as she is mature about it (consensual, protection, etc.). That’s a big ask for many teens but not all.

Just keep lines of communication open. I don’t think you need to freak out about a kiss at12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

You’ll just send it underground and make her secretive about it and other things.

Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Yes I don't want this go underground, and we are at risk of that happening. There is no easy way to completely ban this from happening, just limiting. And educating. The last is what i reached out about.

[Anonymous]

OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

[Anonymous]

I have a 12 yo DS who has a “girlfriend.” They have never been on a date and have never done anything outside of school together other than sports events or the school carnival where they both happened to be at but did not go together. We monitor his texts and there’s not much texting other than very innocent chit chat. This is the norm at our school. I don’t know any parent that allows their kids this age to date or Have unsupervised time with someone the opposite sex. Unless they’re sneaking off somehow at school, which seems highly unlikely, there would be no opportunity for them to kiss. While kissing isn’t the end of the world, if you’re kissing at 12, what will you be doing at 14? I would not let my 12 yo DD be alone with a boy ever. Doing so is playing with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 12 year old DD who is very interested in a boy and they have kissed. I want to find her non-wacky (i.e., non-political), scientific sources that lays out for her why it is best to wait on this. She is the kind of kid to be swayed by facts and research. Can anyone help with something well written on this topic?

OP, you're talking about a 12 year old. You don't have to "sway" her at all. The answer is no; she is too young to be dating and kissing boys. Be a parent and cut this out now.

You cannot prevent her from kissing boys and calling whatever relationship they have “dating.”

OH, yes, you can. And I would.

This depends. At almost any school, public or private, they can probably find a way to “date” which could translate to texting, notes, eating lunch together, sitting together in class and finding a spot by a locker for a quick kiss. We were all in middle school and high school and know this. Unless you Dugger it, “dating” and the occasional kiss might happen.

You can certainly chaperone all contact outside of school though. And. Kid who says she is at Larla’s house and finds a way to sneak out to be with Larlo is a kid who is not responsible enough to hang out with friends outside your home.

Set the expectation now that boys spend time with your whole family. Keep it going through high school.

You also say “unfortunately” she’s popular (humblebrag). Will she still be popular without an iPhone, the latest clothing fad or the ability to socialize and hang out with her with her friends? She may hate you if you pull these things. But not as much as she would hate herpes.

There’s no way you could steal a quick kiss at our middle school. We go to a private- there are teachers everywhere. Plus, the kids talk and the teachers hear the gossip even if they don’t see something. Kissing at school would result in suspension or at least a meeting with then principal. Most kids, even my non-nerdy not afraid of trouble, wouldn’t risk that at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

At 12??? No.

[Anonymous]

This issue is as old as time. If she wants to have sex later, she will find a way. Religious instruction will not work. Saying no will not make this happen.

Being open and honest and that she can come to you at any time with any questions will absolutely help.

Keeping her busy with family will help, as well like above posters said. Although as she ages, you can not control their every move.

I get it, she's only 12. So science, facts, honesty and trusting you will be your best parenting. Books will help as well.

Watching Teen mom, NO...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

At 12??? No.

These conversations do need to occur by age 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

At 12??? No.

These conversations do need to occur by age 12.

100 percent. You need to talk early and often for it to get through. I guarantee there wIll be one kid your kid knows who has sex by 14. Even in the tawniest of neighborhoods or private schools. They should NOT be hearing about sexual health from their peers. It's a recipe for misinformation and zero context

[Anonymous]

Oprah had this amazing episode in 2009. She had a 14 year old couple on that thought they were ready to have sex and a sex therapist (Berman I thing) who asked them a lot of tough questions. By the end of the show, the girl was not so sure she was ready. I googled this show and couldnt find a copy a while back becasue I wanted to show it to my own DD. But below are some tough questions similar to the ones the therapist asked. A book I did read recently is titled Talk to Me First. https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Me-First-Everything-Go/dp/0738215082/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=talk+to+me+first&qid=1572827764&sr=8-1

1) What do you think makes a kid ready for _____ sexual activity?
2) How would you feel if you do _____ and your BF tells the whole school?
3) How would you feel if you do _____ and then you break up?

For actual intercourse discussion at the time you deem apprporiate:

1) What's your BC plan? What will you do if the BC fails and you get pregnent?
2) If you think you are in a committed relationship, what does that mean?
3) How will you feel if you have sex and the next week, you break up with BF?

Very real fact, the younger you have sex, the more partners she'll likely have in a lifetime and therefore the greater the risk of STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - just talk. Consent, birth control, STDs, gossip, sharing on phone, nude pics, etc - talk all the time.

At 12??? No.

These conversations do need to occur by age 12.

+1000