What do people mean by feeling “outnumbered” with 3+ kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I ask because I’ve been involved in many peer groups this year due to addiction within our home environment and in doing so I’ve come across this many times and just don’t feel outnumbered as in it’s expected to be that way. I’m trying to gain a better understanding so I know what is being referenced for instance are people saying they feel overwhelmed but using the term outnumbered? So when I share that I don’t understand they just stare or don’t understand what I don’t understand. I’m not sure if I’m not taking into consideration that it’s gender differences, personalities or age differences.

I’ve always struggled with some social nuances so I figured writing on here could help me better communicate.

I have struggles of my own with day to day issues and try my best to build a network of friends and acquaintances but there are certain terms or phrases that still throw me off or that I don’t understand how to best share how I relate.

For instance in conversation it can be referenced 9/10 in new therapy settings but when I respond that I don’t feel that way, I would say overwhelmed at times but not necessarily feeling outnumbered? Does that make sense? Even if I am I don’t have an emotional or feeling associated with the term outnumbered whereas for me I associate an emotion or feeling with overwhelmed?

Jesus, OP. This isn’t about emotion or associations. It’s the LITERAL DEFINITION of “outnumbered:

verb (used with object)
to exceed in number.


When there are TWO parents in a household and you have a ONE kid there are more parents than kids. When you have TWO kids there are equal numbers of parents and kids but when you have THREE+ the parents are now, literally, outnumbered by kids. It’s basic math. This isn’t about social nuances of your addiction issues.

[Anonymous]

Literally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I ask because I’ve been involved in many peer groups this year due to addiction within our home environment and in doing so I’ve come across this many times and just don’t feel outnumbered as in it’s expected to be that way. I’m trying to gain a better understanding so I know what is being referenced for instance are people saying they feel overwhelmed but using the term outnumbered? So when I share that I don’t understand they just stare or don’t understand what I don’t understand. I’m not sure if I’m not taking into consideration that it’s gender differences, personalities or age differences.

I’ve always struggled with some social nuances so I figured writing on here could help me better communicate.

I have struggles of my own with day to day issues and try my best to build a network of friends and acquaintances but there are certain terms or phrases that still throw me off or that I don’t understand how to best share how I relate.

For instance in conversation it can be referenced 9/10 in new therapy settings but when I respond that I don’t feel that way, I would say overwhelmed at times but not necessarily feeling outnumbered? Does that make sense? Even if I am I don’t have an emotional or feeling associated with the term outnumbered whereas for me I associate an emotion or feeling with overwhelmed?

Wtf????

+1 Right?!

So, all of that to say you can’t do simple addition? Math is hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Zone coverage rather than man to man. Duh.

OP doesn’t get addition so this is going to be way beyond her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Zone coverage rather than man to man. Duh.

+2
Exactly how my husband described it.

[Anonymous]

It is quite literal - outnumbered meaning there are more kids than parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I ask because I’ve been involved in many peer groups this year due to addiction within our home environment and in doing so I’ve come across this many times and just don’t feel outnumbered as in it’s expected to be that way...

For instance in conversation it can be referenced 9/10 in new therapy settings but when I respond that I don’t feel that way, I would say overwhelmed at times but not necessarily feeling outnumbered? Does that make sense? Even if I am I don’t have an emotional or feeling associated with the term outnumbered whereas for me I associate an emotion or feeling with overwhelmed?

OP, I'm really sorry you guys are going through this.

I do think the literal meaning is the one people intend, although it carries the emotional tone of throwing one's hands in the air and saying "well, what can you do, there are more of them than there are of us!" and in that sense it points to overwhelmedness.

On these couple of posts, you sound very removed from your own (and others') feelings. Speaking as the spouse of an alcoholic, I can imagine some of what may have produced it and I'm sorry if those kinds of experiences are driving this.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It's just describing the feeling of more than one kid needing you, but only being able to manage one kid. Like when I take my baby and toddler out somewhere and the baby needs to breastfeed, but I can't get the toddler to sit still - I feel outnumbered, because there are two of them with sets of needs, and I can only fulfill one of those needs at a time.

If my husband is with me, he takes care of the other kid. We aren't outnumbered.

I don't always feel this way - if the baby is napping in the stroller and my toddler is happy and listening well, I feel totally fine - even if I am technically "outnumbered", it's about how many sets of needs I am expected to fulfill.

Mine are only two years apart so I can't tell you if your age gaps are why you never feel this way. I can only tell you that I definitely feel this way sometimes.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4, 2, and 6 months. Nobody is independent for even basic tasks. Your kids are much more spread out, so it probably feels less out of control.

[Anonymous]

It’s like in basketball. With two you get to play man-on-man but with three you have to play a zone defense which can get very complicated. One of the three is always breaking for the basket and someone has to cover him. But who?

[Anonymous]

I was one of 7 and it was always a bit of a circus but my parents assumed that the older ones would “help out” with the younger ones. It may have been wishful thinking but some how everyone survived. Regardless of how many you have until they reach MS you don’t have much of a non-kid life. But you deal with it because you brought them into the world.

[Anonymous]

I have older kids and a wide spacing and...my 3 just really can ramp each other up. When they are all home, they are LOUD. And they bicker. And someone ate the last whatever. And someone doesn’t like someone else’s music or YouTube or what not. And they are old enough where I let them work these petty conflicts out and manage their own interpersonal relationships, but sheesh. It’s just - a lot of people, noise, dishes, mess. That’s what outnumbered with older kids looks like in our house.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest and say 3 kids are kicking my husband and I's butt. It's probably due to the age gap though, 12mos, 2 and 5. I rarely go out with all 3 kids by myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 is more than 2. So 2 parents are outnumbered by 3 children. That’s what it means.

This. OP, you are either trying to brag about how good a parent you are, or as dumb as a box of rocks. Either way, not a great look.

Agree. A poor attempt at a humble brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 is more than 2. So 2 parents are outnumbered by 3 children. That’s what it means.

+1 not rocket science.