Tips on traveling with opposite sex coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a male, I no longer will do dinner with a female colleague. I know it's not fair, but it's been indirectly told to us, "in today's times" to just not do it. I think it's awful but it's the new trend I am seeing in corporate.

This "new trend" is straight up sexism and it is some serious BS that you are blaming it on "today's times" and advice that's "been indirectly told to us" rather than taking responsibility for your own decisions. You should treat your female colleagues the same way you would treat your male colleagues.

it's called "reality"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a male, I no longer will do dinner with a female colleague. I know it's not fair, but it's been indirectly told to us, "in today's times" to just not do it. I think it's awful but it's the new trend I am seeing in corporate.

This "new trend" is straight up sexism and it is some serious BS that you are blaming it on "today's times" and advice that's "been indirectly told to us" rather than taking responsibility for your own decisions. You should treat your female colleagues the same way you would treat your male colleagues.

it's called "reality"

Eh, I would describe myself as a liberal feminist, but I get why having dinner one on one with a member of the opposite sex feels a bit odd. I can understand if men and women shy away from that in work settings. There are other ways to mentor and bond that feel less date like.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is being ridiculous in asking this question... but mostly because I find after work engagements during travel to be worth considering regardless of the sexual identity of the coworker. I can see it going multiple ways:

1) Is the coworker someone you like, are friendly with, and would enjoy spending more time with? If so, go to dinner together, assuming they want to as well. Ways to bring this up: "Hey, have you thought about what you're doing for dinner? I'm thinking of hitting up XYZ spot." I would try to avoid sexy sushi lounges or cocktail bars, but again, that would be the case even if the coworker was someone of the same sex as me (and we're both hetero). In the OP's case, it's really only weird if you make it weird, IMO.
2) Is the coworker someone you don't like and/or you'd prefer to avoid? That can go one of two ways: either ghost them after the day's work and go wherever you want, or say something like "I'm beat, I think I'll just do takeout and go to bed early." If they push it, they're creepy and you should avoid.
3) Is the coworker someone you have a non-platonic interest in? If so, definitely avoid because that's unprofessional and you shouldn't go there. If it's a group, no worries, but avoid a one on one dinner with a coworker you'd like to become more-than-friends with especially if they are in a hierarchical relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

It’s nice to eat together and just eat somewhere in the hotel or check out somewhere close by. Don’t get wasted and it should be fine.

- world bank married mom who has never had an issue

[Anonymous]

I pretty much always get dinner with colleagues -because my cheap ass Federal agency will only authorize one rental car for a traveling group. (And because its a really team oriented agency). Its always been fine even with coworkers I don't like much - and a bunch of fun when you're already friends.

[Anonymous]

You've gotten good advice. If you're really unsure, you can always say that you're tired after a long day and that you're going to stay in and order room service.

I thought from your title that you were looking for more general tips. Mine was about luggage. We had a woman at my last org who was highly respected … until she went on a work trip with a male peer. Her behavior and everything was fine but she clearly expected him to do all the heavy lifting - pick up bags, pull them around, put them in the overhead bins, carry his laptop bag AND hers, etc. He said it really changed his perception of her that she suddenly became so incapable. It was hard for her to recover and even though our boss finally sat down the two of them and explained how the male peer felt, she didn't seem to "get" that she had to manage her own stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i've traveled with people i barely exchanged two words with, and folks i have had great dinner with. i try to avoid getting drunk with coworkers. i don't share my room number.

why? what happens when you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a male, I no longer will do dinner with a female colleague. I know it's not fair, but it's been indirectly told to us, "in today's times" to just not do it. I think it's awful but it's the new trend I am seeing in corporate.

This "new trend" is straight up sexism and it is some serious BS that you are blaming it on "today's times" and advice that's "been indirectly told to us" rather than taking responsibility for your own decisions. You should treat your female colleagues the same way you would treat your male colleagues.

I totally agree AS LONG AS if a woman falsely accuses a man of something inappropriate she is immediately fired and publicly shamed and has her career destroyed (just as would happen to his career if her accusation was accurate). That would be her being treated the same way the company would treat the male colleagues. Then there would be no excuse for everyone not acting exactly the same all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've gotten good advice. If you're really unsure, you can always say that you're tired after a long day and that you're going to stay in and order room service.

I thought from your title that you were looking for more general tips. Mine was about luggage. We had a woman at my last org who was highly respected … until she went on a work trip with a male peer. Her behavior and everything was fine but she clearly expected him to do all the heavy lifting - pick up bags, pull them around, put them in the overhead bins, carry his laptop bag AND hers, etc. He said it really changed his perception of her that she suddenly became so incapable. It was hard for her to recover and even though our boss finally sat down the two of them and explained how the male peer felt, she didn't seem to "get" that she had to manage her own stuff.

I’m a pp who mentioned my colleague being very considerate about my pregnancy. I had to tell early because I wasn’t clear I could travel (high risk). I was on a lifting restriction and not supposed to lift anything over 5 lbs. It was very odd for me traveling for the week under circumstances where I could basically carry either my purse or my laptop and nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Eat at the airport because nothing is less sexy than a Chili’s Too. Except maybe a brewpub naked after a golfer but you have to get the lucky terminal for that kind of magic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eat at the airport because nothing is less sexy than a Chili’s Too. Except maybe a brewpub naked after a golfer but you have to get the lucky terminal for that kind of magic.

*NAMED! oh god the farmers tans at that place can you imagine.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem having dinner with a colleague as long as I like them and know them to be a good conversationalist. If not I simply beg off and say something like I need to FaceTime with one of my kids to help on some school project and I’ll just grab room service. If he’s a nice guy I will have one glass of wine, keep the conversation away from any “personal” stuff and never linger over dessert and coffee. I’ve never had a colleague attempt anything inappropriate. Dinners with male customers can be far more challenging so I keep my radar on high alert.

[Anonymous]

In the current climate, most men couldn’t be faulted at all for saying, have a nice evening or something similarly generic and going off on their own. It’s the safe play. Having said that, if there is a legitimate business reason for discussing things further over a “quick bite” (I’ve never understood what a “quick bite” means) that could be professionally ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You've gotten good advice. If you're really unsure, you can always say that you're tired after a long day and that you're going to stay in and order room service.

I thought from your title that you were looking for more general tips. Mine was about luggage. We had a woman at my last org who was highly respected … until she went on a work trip with a male peer. Her behavior and everything was fine but she clearly expected him to do all the heavy lifting - pick up bags, pull them around, put them in the overhead bins, carry his laptop bag AND hers, etc. He said it really changed his perception of her that she suddenly became so incapable. It was hard for her to recover and even though our boss finally sat down the two of them and explained how the male peer felt, she didn't seem to "get" that she had to manage her own stuff.

I’m a pp who mentioned my colleague being very considerate about my pregnancy. I had to tell early because I wasn’t clear I could travel (high risk). I was on a lifting restriction and not supposed to lift anything over 5 lbs. It was very odd for me traveling for the week under circumstances where I could basically carry either my purse or my laptop and nothing else.

Years ago when I was pushing the limit in terms of traveling while pregnant I went on a 3-4 day trip with a male colleague who was single. I’m pretty sure he felt I was going to deliver at any moment but he was so sweet and helpful without being overbearing. When the trip ended I’m sure he was relieved it was over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think YOU are making something out of nothing. It’s not a date. Just a dinner. Eat, small talks, pay for your meal and go back.

This. I have traveled with opposite sex colleagues, and some same-sex gay colleagues, and never gave it a second thought. Mostly, we just think about a quick bite to eat together. Everyone wants to get back to their own rooms pretty quickly.