Music--How do you monitor?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I appreciate all the feedback. Most has been very helpful. What I didn’t ask for, and what I’m not interested in doing, is debating books vs. music, etc. I have a specific issue I’m addressing and seeking advice on. I, myself, am a writer of children’s fiction. I understand all the nuances of these debates, issues. Not interested in getting into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only music I’d be concerned about is white supremacist music. Otherwise, have at it.

So, your only criteria is that the music not debase non-white people? Songs about women being raped, called "b&tches," is totally okay? Songs about killing other people or yourself totally okay? Makes no sense at all. Sounds like you don't bother to listen to your kid's music so have a PC criteria that just makes you feel good about your non-parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate all the feedback. Most has been very helpful. What I didn’t ask for, and what I’m not interested in doing, is debating books vs. music, etc. I have a specific issue I’m addressing and seeking advice on. I, myself, am a writer of children’s fiction. I understand all the nuances of these debates, issues. Not interested in getting into it.

I think the religious mom had the best advice. Discuss discuss discuss.

[Anonymous]

This is not the battle you want to fight, Tipper.

[Anonymous]

I don’t. At all. I do model good values, though. No misogynists or racists in this house.

[Anonymous]

We don’t. But like PP’s, we do talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Agreed - and show him the news about Gina Rodriguez if you want to help show that for some songs, the lyrics aren't appropriate for use outside of that specific context (https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/10/15/20916272/gina-rodriguez-n-word-apology-backlash-history) Love that so many folks here suggest not censoring, but speaking about it. Tipper's way is not what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed - and show him the news about Gina Rodriguez if you want to help show that for some songs, the lyrics aren't appropriate for use outside of that specific context (https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/10/15/20916272/gina-rodriguez-n-word-apology-backlash-history) Love that so many folks here suggest not censoring, but speaking about it. Tipper's way is not what you want.

OP here. Agree with the above. But when you have a child saturating themselves with one particular kind of super explicit music, you’ve discussed it with an open mind repeatedly, and kiddo is repeating the language...what do you do? A logical consequence is to place limits on the music. Yes, I’m sure his friends use this language...but surely you can’t dismiss that this huge exposure has something to do with it.

This article is interesting:

https://www.scarymommy.com/dont-censor-music-kids/

I think scary mommy is really missing the point with some of the music. We’re not talking about Sir Mixalot here. We’re taking about explicit degradation of women and related topics, words.

[Anonymous]

I don't censor music, OP. Not even the kind you described that your son is listening to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Agree with the above. But when you have a child saturating themselves with one particular kind of super explicit music, you’ve discussed it with an open mind repeatedly, and kiddo is repeating the language...what do you do? A logical consequence is to place limits on the music. Yes, I’m sure his friends use this language...but surely you can’t dismiss that this huge exposure has something to do with it.

The logical consequence is to discipline him for the language he uses around you. You can’t keep him from listening to music he likes, though you, of course, should share your values and opinions. But you have every right to expect that your household remain free of explicit language. How he speaks with his own peer group (code switching) is his choice.

[Anonymous]

First comes explicit lyrics, then drugs, then teenage pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed - and show him the news about Gina Rodriguez if you want to help show that for some songs, the lyrics aren't appropriate for use outside of that specific context (https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/10/15/20916272/gina-rodriguez-n-word-apology-backlash-history) Love that so many folks here suggest not censoring, but speaking about it. Tipper's way is not what you want.

OP here. Agree with the above. But when you have a child saturating themselves with one particular kind of super explicit music, you’ve discussed it with an open mind repeatedly, and kiddo is repeating the language...what do you do? A logical consequence is to place limits on the music. Yes, I’m sure his friends use this language...but surely you can’t dismiss that this huge exposure has something to do with it.

This article is interesting:

https://www.scarymommy.com/dont-censor-music-kids/

I think scary mommy is really missing the point with some of the music. We’re not talking about Sir Mixalot here. We’re taking about explicit degradation of women and related topics, words.

OP, I think your issue is with the saturation and effect you see it having on your kid, which is not necessarily true of lots of kids who listen to explicit songs. If you've talked to your kid and gotten nowhere, then you have to escalate. You say you've "discussed it with an open mind repeatedly." Maybe it's time to discuss it with a strong point of view and confidence in your family's values. You are allowed to have an opinion, even a strong opinion, and express that to your child, along with some rules such as no cursing in the house and no listening to X, Y, Z in your presence or even in his own room on repeat or whatever. I think you need to not discuss with an open mind trying to persuade your child, but let your child see how deeply and strongly you feel about this. That is what religious mom did, and while I would not necessarily do it for the same music or reasons religious mom did, there is definitely a point at which I would do it. These are our family values, and while you are living here you cannot use language or expose me to music that deeply offends me and is anathema to my values. It's not a kind or loving way to treat a family member, and it's not acceptable in this house.

[Anonymous]

If your son can’t separate himself from the music, then he’s too young/immature. I don’t censor. But I also don’t have a 12 year old son regurgitating degrading rapey lyrics!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed - and show him the news about Gina Rodriguez if you want to help show that for some songs, the lyrics aren't appropriate for use outside of that specific context (https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/10/15/20916272/gina-rodriguez-n-word-apology-backlash-history) Love that so many folks here suggest not censoring, but speaking about it. Tipper's way is not what you want.

OP here. Agree with the above. But when you have a child saturating themselves with one particular kind of super explicit music, you’ve discussed it with an open mind repeatedly, and kiddo is repeating the language...what do you do? A logical consequence is to place limits on the music. Yes, I’m sure his friends use this language...but surely you can’t dismiss that this huge exposure has something to do with it.

This article is interesting:

https://www.scarymommy.com/dont-censor-music-kids/

I think scary mommy is really missing the point with some of the music. We’re not talking about Sir Mixalot here. We’re taking about explicit degradation of women and related topics, words.

OP, I think your issue is with the saturation and effect you see it having on your kid, which is not necessarily true of lots of kids who listen to explicit songs. If you've talked to your kid and gotten nowhere, then you have to escalate. You say you've "discussed it with an open mind repeatedly." Maybe it's time to discuss it with a strong point of view and confidence in your family's values. You are allowed to have an opinion, even a strong opinion, and express that to your child, along with some rules such as no cursing in the house and no listening to X, Y, Z in your presence or even in his own room on repeat or whatever. I think you need to not discuss with an open mind trying to persuade your child, but let your child see how deeply and strongly you feel about this. That is what religious mom did, and while I would not necessarily do it for the same music or reasons religious mom did, there is definitely a point at which I would do it. These are our family values, and while you are living here you cannot use language or expose me to music that deeply offends me and is anathema to my values. It's not a kind or loving way to treat a family member, and it's not acceptable in this house.

This is excellent guidance.

[Anonymous]

I'm coming up on this vey quickly with my DS so these are all good thoughts.

As the situation stands right now, I do have him listen to his music and watch the videos in the main family area. I don't want to drive him underground. Some of it is really cringe-worthy but we're trying to bear with it. Sometimes we'll talk about the artist and musicality and I"ll try to appreciate aspects of it, if I can.

I listened to a lot of music as a tween/teen that had heavy drug/sex references. I don't think I realized what I was listening to at the time. The emotions resonated with me but not the actual meaning of the lyrics. My parents never censored me. We'll see how it goes.