DS 5, DS 3.5 will not stay in bed...bedtime tonight has taken 4 hours

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much 1:1 time do the kids get? How many hours are they in daycare for?

They sound like they struggle for your attention even if it is negative attention.

Also, do they get enough run around time? Napping too much at daycare?

This is ridiculous. Almost all kids do it. It’s their job to test boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Only thing that truly works at that age is a gate that is high enough they can't get over or a door monkey. Sorry. Also, we did do CIO and we still had to do this when DD's sleep went off the rails at 3.5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we started bedtime last night at 6, so were probably done with bath and stories etc by 7. Little one definitely napped too late in the day -- big one didnt' nap at all, he did attend two birthday parties though so sugar may have played a role.

Big one could climb out of crib at 18 months -- we did the super nanny method then (oh it may take 10 tries but they'll eventually stay in crib -- the first night after 36 -- 36!-- times of me putting him back in crib and him climbing out, I caved.)

I have never ever met anyone as stubborn as this kid, and he comes from a long line of stubborn people -- myself and DH included.

Yup that was me and my kid. He is totally fine at 7 but I will stay in his room from time to time.

Parenting is as much following your gut and knowing your kid. Not every child has to have the same routine. You are not ruining your kid if you stay in their room or don't do cry it out. DS is very clear that his disappointment with bed time is that he wants to be with us. He likes being with us. He can fall asleep on his own. He is not tantruming. We had several silent protests when he was 3. He would take his blankie and stuffed animal and sit in the hallway until Dad came home from tennis. He was quiet about it so I would turn the corner to go tot he bathroom and he would be sitting there.

OP: Trust your gut and do what feels right for you. If the Super Nanny works for you, great. If after a week of it taking 35 efforts and not getting better, then it is ok to try something else. Hell, after one night of that stupidity try something else.

I'm the first poster who put out the super nanny approach. I didn't know that is what it was! But kind of affirming to see that it is a real thing hahaha. We just are as stubborn as our daughter and refused to give up ourselves.

I kind of take issue with your last sentence pp. I mean, I'm not a devotee of this method and feel at the end of the day what works for individual families is fine. But it isn't stupidity if you are at your wit's end like OP is. OP is saying, 'oh I spend 3 hours putting my kids to bed and my girlfriends are telling me that is dumb' she's saying this whole thing is driving her nuts. She doesn't like this situation and wants to change it.

For sure maybe this method will not work. And she can definitely try other stuff if she finds that she is getting nowhere. Although to OP I'll say with this particular method, it will feel like you are doing nothing until it works, they will keep testing testing testing until suddenly and magically they accept the boundary you have established and get bored and move on. But to call it stupidity? Seems a little harsh and unnecessary. Kids test boundaries. The worst thing you can do with a kid that age (IMO) is to try to establish a boundary and to cave when they test it. They will simply not believe you are serious anymore, about all kinds of things. But I agree that parenting is knowing your own kid and what will work and won't work. But for us, this is the thing that always works. It isn't frequently deployed, but on things we are VERY serious about, and sleep is one of those things, it works and the kids then take it as seriously as we do.

[Anonymous]

Simple. Spanking.

[Anonymous]

We disagree. My child does not like going to bed and I stay in his room when I can. He doesn’t dislike it because he is defiant but because he is sad the day is done and he wants to be with us. He is a wee behaved kid who does a good job listen and is a rule follower. People make far too many rules about a super strict bedtime and behavior that, in my opinion, increase the likelihood of defiance. For the most part, those rules are there to convience the parent.

DS essentially co slept with us for 2 years. We tried a bunch of different techniques and none of them took. At the end of a week of cry it out, our last resort, I said screw it. He slept better with us and we all got to sleep. He transitioned to his bed fine but doesn't like being alone. Most nights he falls asleep solo but so e nights he wants company. He is not being harmed by my reading on my ipad while he falls asleep. And we avoid the tantrums.

But people yhink weare crazy because a 7 year old wants his Mom tosit with him some nights.

OP should trust her gut and try what makes sense for her. Her kids should not be running the show but the pick up, carry, rinse and repeat for hours on end for weeks at a time is crazy. That,to me, is a method not working for her kid. Door locks and door knob handle covers strike meas dangerous and extreme. Figure out what works for your kids and doesn’t cause everyone anguish.

Startwith asking why the kids don't want to go to bed and try and see what you can do about that. Start by staying in their room for 30 minutes and then check on them every 15 minutes. Over time you can decrease the time in their room and e tend the check ins. And enjoy the 30 minutes you have to read or play a game.

[Anonymous]

Honestly melatonin and a good bedtime story was what worked for my kid. Without melatonin he didn’t sleep, at all, and bedtimes were a 3-4 hour ordeal. And then at 3 I stopped reading picture books at bedtime - I read Mary Poppins to him which had fun stories but almost no pictures. Bedtime went from 3-4 hours and tons of tantrums to 30minutes overnight when I started melatonin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We disagree. My child does not like going to bed and I stay in his room when I can. He doesn’t dislike it because he is defiant but because he is sad the day is done and he wants to be with us. He is a wee behaved kid who does a good job listen and is a rule follower. People make far too many rules about a super strict bedtime and behavior that, in my opinion, increase the likelihood of defiance. For the most part, those rules are there to convience the parent.

DS essentially co slept with us for 2 years. We tried a bunch of different techniques and none of them took. At the end of a week of cry it out, our last resort, I said screw it. He slept better with us and we all got to sleep. He transitioned to his bed fine but doesn't like being alone. Most nights he falls asleep solo but so e nights he wants company. He is not being harmed by my reading on my ipad while he falls asleep. And we avoid the tantrums.

But people yhink weare crazy because a 7 year old wants his Mom tosit with him some nights.

OP should trust her gut and try what makes sense for her. Her kids should not be running the show but the pick up, carry, rinse and repeat for hours on end for weeks at a time is crazy. That,to me, is a method not working for her kid. Door locks and door knob handle covers strike meas dangerous and extreme. Figure out what works for your kids and doesn’t cause everyone anguish.

Startwith asking why the kids don't want to go to bed and try and see what you can do about that. Start by staying in their room for 30 minutes and then check on them every 15 minutes. Over time you can decrease the time in their room and e tend the check ins. And enjoy the 30 minutes you have to read or play a game.

I don't think you're crazy but this would simply have wrecked me and would never have been a feasible option for my family. Neither dh or I can sleep well with a toddler in the bed. Our marriage and mental health would have suffered.

So just cause it worked for you doesnt mean that's a realistic solution for someone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is 7 and I sit and read in his room while he falls asleep most nights. If I have something to do, I’ll do it and he’ll be fine with it. It has nothing to do with not doing cry it out, although we didn’t, and everything to do with wanting to be with us. Kids don’t really understand the need for sleep and want to be with the people they love. DS doesn’t need me to fall asleep but he likes it when I am there. I can read or play games in the family room or his room, why not his room?

The day will come when he doesn’t want me there, so I’ll enjoy those moments now.

Congrats, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We disagree. My child does not like going to bed and I stay in his room when I can. He doesn’t dislike it because he is defiant but because he is sad the day is done and he wants to be with us. He is a wee behaved kid who does a good job listen and is a rule follower. People make far too many rules about a super strict bedtime and behavior that, in my opinion, increase the likelihood of defiance. For the most part, those rules are there to convience the parent.

DS essentially co slept with us for 2 years. We tried a bunch of different techniques and none of them took. At the end of a week of cry it out, our last resort, I said screw it. He slept better with us and we all got to sleep. He transitioned to his bed fine but doesn't like being alone. Most nights he falls asleep solo but so e nights he wants company. He is not being harmed by my reading on my ipad while he falls asleep. And we avoid the tantrums.

But people yhink weare crazy because a 7 year old wants his Mom tosit with him some nights.

OP should trust her gut and try what makes sense for her. Her kids should not be running the show but the pick up, carry, rinse and repeat for hours on end for weeks at a time is crazy. That,to me, is a method not working for her kid. Door locks and door knob handle covers strike meas dangerous and extreme. Figure out what works for your kids and doesn’t cause everyone anguish.

Startwith asking why the kids don't want to go to bed and try and see what you can do about that. Start by staying in their room for 30 minutes and then check on them every 15 minutes. Over time you can decrease the time in their room and e tend the check ins. And enjoy the 30 minutes you have to read or play a game.

I don't think you're crazy but this would simply have wrecked me and would never have been a feasible option for my family. Neither dh or I can sleep well with a toddler in the bed. Our marriage and mental health would have suffered.

So just cause it worked for you doesnt mean that's a realistic solution for someone else

DS slept in his bed at 2. I just chill in his room while he falls asleep. Now I chill in his room when he asks and I can. It is about 2 nights a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is 7 and I sit and read in his room while he falls asleep most nights. If I have something to do, I’ll do it and he’ll be fine with it. It has nothing to do with not doing cry it out, although we didn’t, and everything to do with wanting to be with us. Kids don’t really understand the need for sleep and want to be with the people they love. DS doesn’t need me to fall asleep but he likes it when I am there. I can read or play games in the family room or his room, why not his room?

The day will come when he doesn’t want me there, so I’ll enjoy those moments now.

Congrats, I guess?

It works for us and we avoided battles, tantrums, and thoughts of locks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We disagree. My child does not like going to bed and I stay in his room when I can. He doesn’t dislike it because he is defiant but because he is sad the day is done and he wants to be with us. He is a wee behaved kid who does a good job listen and is a rule follower. People make far too many rules about a super strict bedtime and behavior that, in my opinion, increase the likelihood of defiance. For the most part, those rules are there to convience the parent.

DS essentially co slept with us for 2 years. We tried a bunch of different techniques and none of them took. At the end of a week of cry it out, our last resort, I said screw it. He slept better with us and we all got to sleep. He transitioned to his bed fine but doesn't like being alone. Most nights he falls asleep solo but so e nights he wants company. He is not being harmed by my reading on my ipad while he falls asleep. And we avoid the tantrums.

But people yhink weare crazy because a 7 year old wants his Mom tosit with him some nights.

OP should trust her gut and try what makes sense for her. Her kids should not be running the show but the pick up, carry, rinse and repeat for hours on end for weeks at a time is crazy. That,to me, is a method not working for her kid. Door locks and door knob handle covers strike meas dangerous and extreme. Figure out what works for your kids and doesn’t cause everyone anguish.

Startwith asking why the kids don't want to go to bed and try and see what you can do about that. Start by staying in their room for 30 minutes and then check on them every 15 minutes. Over time you can decrease the time in their room and e tend the check ins. And enjoy the 30 minutes you have to read or play a game.

I don't think you're crazy but this would simply have wrecked me and would never have been a feasible option for my family. Neither dh or I can sleep well with a toddler in the bed. Our marriage and mental health would have suffered.

So just cause it worked for you doesnt mean that's a realistic solution for someone else

DS slept in his bed at 2. I just chill in his room while he falls asleep. Now I chill in his room when he asks and I can. It is about 2 nights a week.

Ok? You coslept for two years though? Not sure how what you wrote is responding to what I wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I fully empathize. Sleep issues are hard.

Mine now share a room and it helped a lot with our sleep issues with the older one. DS is almost 5, DD just turned 3. They've been sharing for a year and they love it. They're allowed to read and chat quietly but have to stay in their beds. I generally a lot for 30 min or so of unwind time where they read and talk. If that goes on too late, I go in and tell them no talking and sometimes it escalates to threats. Tonight's threat was if I heard another peep, they both had to take naps tomorrow. That worked.

I try to stick to natural consequences. So instead of taking away goody bags:
- if you don't sleep now, you're having forced nap/quiet time tomorrow
- If you don't sleep now you'll be cranky in the morning and we are not going to do (insert fun activity)
- If I hear anymore noise, bedtime is being moved earlier tomorrow because sleep is important.

I always follow through on these as well.

I also have the door setup where they cannot open it so they have to stay in their rooms.

I would also try moving bedtime earlier because being overtired does make it harder.

Good luck!

None of these are natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much 1:1 time do the kids get? How many hours are they in daycare for?

They sound like they struggle for your attention even if it is negative attention.

Also, do they get enough run around time? Napping too much at daycare?

+1 OP cut the nap, go big on "special time", up the daytime exercise big time, and hold firm on bedtime.

[Anonymous]

My sister made punch cards for her kids. They got a sticker in the morning if they followed their bedtime routine without struggle: Potty, bush teeth, 2 stories and lights out.

She started with 3 stickers got a small prize. 5 got a special treat with mom/dad. AFter a month they kids didn't need the stuff anymore but man did she struggle before trying this. She has 3 under 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly melatonin and a good bedtime story was what worked for my kid. Without melatonin he didn’t sleep, at all, and bedtimes were a 3-4 hour ordeal. And then at 3 I stopped reading picture books at bedtime - I read Mary Poppins to him which had fun stories but almost no pictures. Bedtime went from 3-4 hours and tons of tantrums to 30minutes overnight when I started melatonin.

Is it safe to give your 3 year old melatonin daily?