I served my dh with divorce papers after 23 years of marriage and we dated prior to that for many

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

my friends keep telling me that I will "have no problem" finding a new person.

You're broke, probably late 40s or early 50s, 3 kids, and you have a broke, drunk, abusive ex. More red flags than a Soviet military parade. But good luck on the dating scene!

Won’t matter for fwb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP’s bigger problem will be having to pay alimony to her husband or assist him during retirement if he does not remarry since he drained his 401k and she still has hers...

It when hey find out where he drained the money to- offshore account, family member, dug a hole.
This is merely a forensic accounting exercise. “Bankrupting” yourself before blowing up your marriage is one of the dumber moves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:years. We started dating in college, but didn't live together til we were married. I found out he cleaned out his 401K, it should have been at least 800K. He spent all but 100K, probably several hundred thousand in cash, i'm not sure on what. He has some expensive hobbies, but i'm really not sure and he won't say. I think it has something to do with a "dating service" bc in a moment of weakness after I filed he mentioned something along those lines. He also quite his 170K job without telling me. That is what prompted me to serve him, after that I found out about the retirement money missing. He obviously has problems, he drinks a lot too. He is now stalling on the divorce and can't believe I served him, i guess he thought i wouldn't despite my warnings in the past. Anyway, my life is upside down, we have 3 kids--2 who are in college. I can't imagine starting my life over but I have to, I'm very good looking and my friends keep telling me that I will "have no problem" finding a new person. The thing is, it's the very last thing on my mind. I have no desire to trust anyone again. I want to be alone. Is that normal?

So 800k sounds like a lot. He was not making 170k when he started working so his early contributions would have been much small at the begin...even if he was really aggressive and had a max matching from the employer...he would have maybe something like 300k. That’s with a 6% return which most people do get on there 401k. If he was not aggressive, got in late, skipped a few years or the company did not match it could just be 100k.

I have 500k after 13 years of work. 800k seems about right for 20 years of funding.

No you are luck.

The following chart depicts 401k savings potential by age, based on several assumptions. It can be used as a guide for your total retirement savings amounts, including your IRA, Roth IRA, and after-tax savings. While it’s designed for one person, it can also be used as a guide for a married couple if one spouse decides to no longer work.
Other assumptions include:
The numbers are more forward-looking vs. backward, since 401k contribution limits were lower in the past (in fact, this year, the limit was raised $500 from 2018).
You start full-time employment at age 22 at a company that provides a 401k, without a company match.
You contribute $8,000 to your 401k after the first year, then from the second year onward, you contribute the maximum annual amount of $19,000.
The “low end” column shows what you could potentially have in your 401k after so many years of a constant $19,000-per-year contribution and no growth.
The “high end” column shows what you could potentially have in your 401k after so many years of a constant $19,000-per year contribution, but assumes 8% growth* compounded over the next 43 years. The numbers have been rounded up and assumes monthly contributions at the end of each month.


Age 45 years worked 23 low $426,000.00 high $1,241,266.88.

https://www.personalcapital.com/blog/retirement-planning/average-401k-balance-age/

^This is from a place that give a very optimistic view of 401k. Your 401k at 10 year is way beyond their high range. Did you start with a high salary?

This is more realistic. 401k were set up for higher income people. DC area has higher income so people with higher incomes and more generous employer matching should be higher but it really depends on your starting salary, how long ago you started, what your employer offered, did you change jobs before vesting, etc.

401(k) Plan Balances by Generation
The good news is that Americans have been making an effort to save more. According to Fidelity Investments, the financial services firm/brokerage that administers more than $7.4 trillion in assets, the average 401(k) plan balance reached $106,000 in the second quarter of 2019—a 2% increase from $104,000 in Q2 2018.

How does that break down, more specifically? Here's how Fidelity crunches the numbers:

Twentysomethings (Age 20–29)
Average 401(k) balance: $11,800
Median 401(k) balance: $4,300
Contribution rate (% of income): 7%

Thirtysomethings (Age 30–39)
Average 401(k) balance: $42,400
Median 401(k) balance: $16,500
Contribution rate (% of income): 7.8%

Among millennials (which Fidelity defines as those born between 1981–1997), 38% of workers increased their savings in Q2 2019. This generation is the most likely to contribute to a Roth 401(k), too.

Fortysomethings (Age 40–49)
Average 401(k) balance: $102,700
Median 401(k) balance: $36,000
Contribution rate (% of income): 8.5%

The jump in the account balance size for Gen Xers could reflect the fact that these folks have logged a good decade or two in the workforce, and have been contributing to plans that long. The slightly larger contribution rate may reflect that many are in their peak earning years.

Fiftysomethings (Age 50–59)
Average 401(k) balance: $174,100
Median 401(k) balance: $60,900
Contribution rate (% of income): 10.1

https://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/010616/whats-average-401k-balance-age.asp

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your circumstances. I wish you lots of good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't be surprised if your DH hid a gambling addiction and that's where the money went.

Happened to my sister. Her husband cleaned out the 401ks to pay gambling debt, including hers and forged her signature to get the money released. She filed for divorce the day after she found out.

[Anonymous]

^This is from a place that give a very optimistic view of 401k. Your 401k at 10 year is way beyond their high range. Did you start with a high salary?

Consultant with 6% match (not Accenture but similar). I did what everyone says you should do (but no one actually does) which is keep living like a college student. Maxed every year. The 2008 downturn didn’t hurt as bad because I was only 3 years in at that point. And market has done way better than 8% since then.

[Anonymous]

If you worked for 20 years how much do you have in your retirement account? You need to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Hate to tell OP but if her DH drained $700K from his Retirement account and spent all the money he is going to have a huge Tax bill coming.

To the tune of a 10%/$70K early withdrawl penalty. Then and in income taxes of around 30% and pretty soon you are looking at about a $300K tax bill. Good luck with that..

[Anonymous]

OP, worries about finding a new man shouldn't even be on your radar right now. WTF?

[Anonymous]

JFC - the reading comp here is awful! OP specifically stated that she has no interest in finding another man and wonders if that’s normal, not that she’s now on the prowl!