Not turning in homework

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does he forget? The teacher literally says "Turn in your homework" at the beginning of class and the kids all pass it in. Seems like he's choosing not to or he goes to a school that is very different.

Some teachers just set the expectation to turn it in daily and that’s it, kid is responsible for the rest.

Both of my high school kids say the teachers ask for it. I find it highly unlikely that they all just rely upon the kids. My guess is he doesn’t want to turn it in. In our home there is no excuse for getting less than 100 on homework. It is like free money. Low hanging fruit. It can a big difference in your grade at the end especially if you don’t test well.

Okay then, I guess that is representative of all teachers across the US.

[Anonymous]

It's interesting it hasn't really been a problem until now. I realize this may be like pulling teeth, but have you asked him for some ideas on what might be different about this year that's contributing to the situation? With my ds last year anyway it was sometimes truly forgetting then being embarrassed about handing it in late and sometimes I know he just opted not to do something because he didn't want to do it and the points weren't worth it. It's so frustrating. I did take pictures of some of his work, then started having him take pictures with his school ipad. I tried to stress that homework is not "done" until the teacher has recorded it and you see the score online, so you have to keep on it until that time. At least some of his teachers have the policy that they do not ask/remind kids to turn in the homework, it's on the kids to remember and put it in the homework basket.

[Anonymous]

You need to go ahead and give consequences now, to extinguish this behavior of not turning in the homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting it hasn't really been a problem until now. I realize this may be like pulling teeth, but have you asked him for some ideas on what might be different about this year that's contributing to the situation? With my ds last year anyway it was sometimes truly forgetting then being embarrassed about handing it in late and sometimes I know he just opted not to do something because he didn't want to do it and the points weren't worth it. It's so frustrating. I did take pictures of some of his work, then started having him take pictures with his school ipad. I tried to stress that homework is not "done" until the teacher has recorded it and you see the score online, so you have to keep on it until that time. At least some of his teachers have the policy that they do not ask/remind kids to turn in the homework, it's on the kids to remember and put it in the homework basket.

If it is adhd, it’s actually not surprising at all that it’s happening suddenly at this point. Smart kids with adhd often find their own ways to cope and manage tasks like homework and turning it in. It works okay, until it doesn’t. For people with adhd, it’s a balancing act. We figure out a way to manage what’s on our plate, we juggle it as best we can, we know what has to be done and what we can let slide. But if you add one more thing, it could all collapse. (It reminds me of when Mr. Burns had 3 stooges syndrome on the simpsons https://youtu.be/aI0euMFAWF8) I know everyone feels like that sometimes, but imagine being a kid in middle school who feels like that every day. It’s pretty much all they’ve ever known so it’s their normal. Add in mom and dad being disappointed that they’re not living up to their potential. Then they go to high school. Social dynamics are more complicated. Classes are harder. Teachers expect more. Parents are disappointed that you’re not able to follow through with simple tasks. It all comes crashing down and you fail a class. It’s so overwhelming, you don’t even know how to ask for help because you don’t know what kind of help you need. It’s not that you’re not smart enough, you understand the material so tutoring won’t help. Mom and dad are more disappointed. You’re disappointed with yourself because you can’t even remember or gather the courage to turn in the work you did, and what’s the point anyway because you’re already failing? This is why so many kids with adhd have anxiety and/or depression. It sucks but it’s so treatable.

The PP whose brother didn’t have adhd made a great case for seeing a doctor. Posters who have adhd and parents of kids with adhd are suggesting it as an option because that’s such a common symptom of the disorder. It’s not an excuse. It’s just how the disorder works. It’s manageable. But we’re not doctors and we don’t know OP’s kid. PP is right, it might not be adhd. It could be something worse. That doesn’t mean ignore or sweep it under the rug. Instead it highlights the need to talk to a professional. And if there’s no diagnosis, if the doctor says your kid gets his jollies by doing work and not turning it in, you can still consider therapy to come up with a plan for behavior modification. Sometimes it helps to have a professional when you’re looking to make big life changes, even if there’s no diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting it hasn't really been a problem until now. I realize this may be like pulling teeth, but have you asked him for some ideas on what might be different about this year that's contributing to the situation? With my ds last year anyway it was sometimes truly forgetting then being embarrassed about handing it in late and sometimes I know he just opted not to do something because he didn't want to do it and the points weren't worth it. It's so frustrating. I did take pictures of some of his work, then started having him take pictures with his school ipad. I tried to stress that homework is not "done" until the teacher has recorded it and you see the score online, so you have to keep on it until that time. At least some of his teachers have the policy that they do not ask/remind kids to turn in the homework, it's on the kids to remember and put it in the homework basket.

If it is adhd, it’s actually not surprising at all that it’s happening suddenly at this point. Smart kids with adhd often find their own ways to cope and manage tasks like homework and turning it in. It works okay, until it doesn’t. For people with adhd, it’s a balancing act. We figure out a way to manage what’s on our plate, we juggle it as best we can, we know what has to be done and what we can let slide. But if you add one more thing, it could all collapse. (It reminds me of when Mr. Burns had 3 stooges syndrome on the simpsons https://youtu.be/aI0euMFAWF8) I know everyone feels like that sometimes, but imagine being a kid in middle school who feels like that every day. It’s pretty much all they’ve ever known so it’s their normal. Add in mom and dad being disappointed that they’re not living up to their potential. Then they go to high school. Social dynamics are more complicated. Classes are harder. Teachers expect more. Parents are disappointed that you’re not able to follow through with simple tasks. It all comes crashing down and you fail a class. It’s so overwhelming, you don’t even know how to ask for help because you don’t know what kind of help you need. It’s not that you’re not smart enough, you understand the material so tutoring won’t help. Mom and dad are more disappointed. You’re disappointed with yourself because you can’t even remember or gather the courage to turn in the work you did, and what’s the point anyway because you’re already failing? This is why so many kids with adhd have anxiety and/or depression. It sucks but it’s so treatable.

The PP whose brother didn’t have adhd made a great case for seeing a doctor. Posters who have adhd and parents of kids with adhd are suggesting it as an option because that’s such a common symptom of the disorder. It’s not an excuse. It’s just how the disorder works. It’s manageable. But we’re not doctors and we don’t know OP’s kid. PP is right, it might not be adhd. It could be something worse. That doesn’t mean ignore or sweep it under the rug. Instead it highlights the need to talk to a professional. And if there’s no diagnosis, if the doctor says your kid gets his jollies by doing work and not turning it in, you can still consider therapy to come up with a plan for behavior modification. Sometimes it helps to have a professional when you’re looking to make big life changes, even if there’s no diagnosis.

OP here, this is incredibly helpful, thank you.

Regarding the folks saying adhd, it's possible. I've toyed with having him tested in the past because of other things, but as this poster pointed out, he's always been very smart and managed just fine (identified gifted, honors classes, has made honor roll each year except last) so it didn't seem like someing we 'needed' to do (he does have an assessment appointment in a few weeks now though). Last year when this started to become a problem I did research on techniques that are used with kids with adhd and we started to employ those - the planner (tried both physical and one on his phone), one folder for all homework, reminders on his phone at the beginning of classes, but nothing really worked. Most of his teachers do not ask for it in class, it's just expected to be turned in (per back to school night), so it's on him to be responsible. We've even tried the 'responsibility' angle - if you're not responsible enough to turn in your homework you're not responsible enough to drive a car - but still not motivating enough. Part of me thinks he just doesn't care about the grades. He's always been an independent, strong, thoughtful kid, and when he feels he's being forced into something he pushes back, so there may be something to the defiance thing there too. Ultimately I think he'll be 'fine'. He'll end up with good enough grades to get into 'some' college (he had a C last year but the rest were As and Bs) it's just frustrating to see him limit his options over something so fixable.

[Anonymous]

OP- people are mentioning ADHD because this is soooo....classic.

There could be other reasons of course...anxiety, or since he is so bright, so existential angst or willfulness over the role of homework- possibly some defiance.

If it's disorganization or forgetfulness, and your methods haven't done the trick, consider employing an executive functioning coach. It could be ADHD/executive functioning issues mixed with a little defiance (i.e. he will take organizational tips, but not from his parents). My son is like this- very smart but won't take tips from me. We employed a tutor who helps him both with the subject matter (algebra) but also the "how to succeed in school" stuff- show your work, take notes, find your mistakes, etc. It helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting it hasn't really been a problem until now. I realize this may be like pulling teeth, but have you asked him for some ideas on what might be different about this year that's contributing to the situation? With my ds last year anyway it was sometimes truly forgetting then being embarrassed about handing it in late and sometimes I know he just opted not to do something because he didn't want to do it and the points weren't worth it. It's so frustrating. I did take pictures of some of his work, then started having him take pictures with his school ipad. I tried to stress that homework is not "done" until the teacher has recorded it and you see the score online, so you have to keep on it until that time. At least some of his teachers have the policy that they do not ask/remind kids to turn in the homework, it's on the kids to remember and put it in the homework basket.

If it is adhd, it’s actually not surprising at all that it’s happening suddenly at this point. Smart kids with adhd often find their own ways to cope and manage tasks like homework and turning it in. It works okay, until it doesn’t. For people with adhd, it’s a balancing act. We figure out a way to manage what’s on our plate, we juggle it as best we can, we know what has to be done and what we can let slide. But if you add one more thing, it could all collapse. (It reminds me of when Mr. Burns had 3 stooges syndrome on the simpsons https://youtu.be/aI0euMFAWF8) I know everyone feels like that sometimes, but imagine being a kid in middle school who feels like that every day. It’s pretty much all they’ve ever known so it’s their normal. Add in mom and dad being disappointed that they’re not living up to their potential. Then they go to high school. Social dynamics are more complicated. Classes are harder. Teachers expect more. Parents are disappointed that you’re not able to follow through with simple tasks. It all comes crashing down and you fail a class. It’s so overwhelming, you don’t even know how to ask for help because you don’t know what kind of help you need. It’s not that you’re not smart enough, you understand the material so tutoring won’t help. Mom and dad are more disappointed. You’re disappointed with yourself because you can’t even remember or gather the courage to turn in the work you did, and what’s the point anyway because you’re already failing? This is why so many kids with adhd have anxiety and/or depression. It sucks but it’s so treatable.

The PP whose brother didn’t have adhd made a great case for seeing a doctor. Posters who have adhd and parents of kids with adhd are suggesting it as an option because that’s such a common symptom of the disorder. It’s not an excuse. It’s just how the disorder works. It’s manageable. But we’re not doctors and we don’t know OP’s kid. PP is right, it might not be adhd. It could be something worse. That doesn’t mean ignore or sweep it under the rug. Instead it highlights the need to talk to a professional. And if there’s no diagnosis, if the doctor says your kid gets his jollies by doing work and not turning it in, you can still consider therapy to come up with a plan for behavior modification. Sometimes it helps to have a professional when you’re looking to make big life changes, even if there’s no diagnosis.

OP here, this is incredibly helpful, thank you.

Regarding the folks saying adhd, it's possible. I've toyed with having him tested in the past because of other things, but as this poster pointed out, he's always been very smart and managed just fine (identified gifted, honors classes, has made honor roll each year except last) so it didn't seem like someing we 'needed' to do (he does have an assessment appointment in a few weeks now though). Last year when this started to become a problem I did research on techniques that are used with kids with adhd and we started to employ those - the planner (tried both physical and one on his phone), one folder for all homework, reminders on his phone at the beginning of classes, but nothing really worked. Most of his teachers do not ask for it in class, it's just expected to be turned in (per back to school night), so it's on him to be responsible. [/b]We've even tried the 'responsibility' angle - if you're not responsible enough to turn in your homework you're not responsible enough to drive a car - but still not motivating enough. Part of me thinks he just doesn't care about the grades. [b] He's always been an independent, strong, thoughtful kid, and when he feels he's being forced into something he pushes back, so there may be something to the defiance thing there too. Ultimately I think he'll be 'fine'. He'll end up with good enough grades to get into 'some' college (he had a C last year but the rest were As and Bs) it's just frustrating to see him limit his options over something so fixable.

PP here. I don’t want to sound over dramatic, and I’m glad you found what I said helpful. If you view adhd as a legit medical condition, try to reframe how you think. Would you expect your kid with diabetes to use willpower and a good attitude to regulate their blood sugar and still expect them to do physical activities and social events (rigorous exercise and exposure to excess sugar), then punish them by not giving them a car because they can’t self regulate? I know it’s not exactly apples to apples, but I’m sure we all find that situation to be ludicrous. Asking a kid with adhd to self regulate with all the stress and distractions kids have, without the right tools, is equally ludicrous though.

I’m so glad he’s getting evaluated. Don’t drag your feet when it comes to medication if he gets a diagnosis, for his sake, please. I know a lot of people push therapy and other tools, but he’s 16 and you’ve already tried lots of motivators, punishments and reward systems. It hasn’t worked. Of course there are more to try and you might find the magical thing that works, but your son is already in a hole and it’s only going to get deeper without the right supports.

As far as the bolded section in your post, it could be a defense mechanism to pretend not to care about grades, or to even actually stop caring. If he feels like a failure, if he can’t reach this unachievable goal, why try? If he stops caring about it, at least then it’s his choice not to succeed rather than him not being good enough to do it and failing at yet another thing. I’m not saying that’s healthy or anything, but it happens in so many aspects of life. Someone is overweight and feels hopeless to change so they have more cake. Someone is stuck in a low paying job and their savings never add up so they add on to the credit card debt. Or in your son’s case, he can’t make an A in the class so why bother turning in homework? Like I said, it’s not healthy, and it doesn’t mean they don’t really care or want to do better. It’s just a problem too big for them to solve alone, they don’t know what kind of help they need, plus it’s really hard to admit defeat, and they feel hopeless. Anxiety and depression suck, and they go with adhd like pb&j. I know it’s frustrating to deal with, but it’s not always defiance or willfulness. And of course we don’t want to enable these behaviors, but as parents and regular people who aren’t psychiatrists, psychologists and behavior specialists, we don’t always know how to help. Sometimes our help even hurts.

It sounds like you’re on the right track. I wish your family the best.

[Anonymous]

ADHD kids aren't actually doing the homework. You may see them at the table for hours on end, they're just day dreaming, maybe just writing the problems down, texting, surfing on laptop, listening to music/youtube. He's not turning it in because he knows there's nothing to turn in. The homework you think he has done isn't complete, so he feigns forgetfulness so there's no record with the teacher that he's turning assignments that are not complete.

[Anonymous]

My nephew was like this all through high school. My BIL and SIL rode him hard and he managed As and Bs. He flunked out on college after 3 semesters. They knew after 1 semester he wasn't college material, they still let him stay for another year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting it hasn't really been a problem until now. I realize this may be like pulling teeth, but have you asked him for some ideas on what might be different about this year that's contributing to the situation? With my ds last year anyway it was sometimes truly forgetting then being embarrassed about handing it in late and sometimes I know he just opted not to do something because he didn't want to do it and the points weren't worth it. It's so frustrating. I did take pictures of some of his work, then started having him take pictures with his school ipad. I tried to stress that homework is not "done" until the teacher has recorded it and you see the score online, so you have to keep on it until that time. At least some of his teachers have the policy that they do not ask/remind kids to turn in the homework, it's on the kids to remember and put it in the homework basket.

If it is adhd, it’s actually not surprising at all that it’s happening suddenly at this point. Smart kids with adhd often find their own ways to cope and manage tasks like homework and turning it in. It works okay, until it doesn’t. For people with adhd, it’s a balancing act. We figure out a way to manage what’s on our plate, we juggle it as best we can, we know what has to be done and what we can let slide. But if you add one more thing, it could all collapse. (It reminds me of when Mr. Burns had 3 stooges syndrome on the simpsons https://youtu.be/aI0euMFAWF8) I know everyone feels like that sometimes, but imagine being a kid in middle school who feels like that every day. It’s pretty much all they’ve ever known so it’s their normal. Add in mom and dad being disappointed that they’re not living up to their potential. Then they go to high school. Social dynamics are more complicated. Classes are harder. Teachers expect more. Parents are disappointed that you’re not able to follow through with simple tasks. It all comes crashing down and you fail a class. It’s so overwhelming, you don’t even know how to ask for help because you don’t know what kind of help you need. It’s not that you’re not smart enough, you understand the material so tutoring won’t help. Mom and dad are more disappointed. You’re disappointed with yourself because you can’t even remember or gather the courage to turn in the work you did, and what’s the point anyway because you’re already failing? This is why so many kids with adhd have anxiety and/or depression. It sucks but it’s so treatable.

The PP whose brother didn’t have adhd made a great case for seeing a doctor. Posters who have adhd and parents of kids with adhd are suggesting it as an option because that’s such a common symptom of the disorder. It’s not an excuse. It’s just how the disorder works. It’s manageable. But we’re not doctors and we don’t know OP’s kid. PP is right, it might not be adhd. It could be something worse. That doesn’t mean ignore or sweep it under the rug. Instead it highlights the need to talk to a professional. And if there’s no diagnosis, if the doctor says your kid gets his jollies by doing work and not turning it in, you can still consider therapy to come up with a plan for behavior modification. Sometimes it helps to have a professional when you’re looking to make big life changes, even if there’s no diagnosis.

OP here, this is incredibly helpful, thank you.

Regarding the folks saying adhd, it's possible. I've toyed with having him tested in the past because of other things, but as this poster pointed out, he's always been very smart and managed just fine (identified gifted, honors classes, has made honor roll each year except last) so it didn't seem like someing we 'needed' to do (he does have an assessment appointment in a few weeks now though). Last year when this started to become a problem I did research on techniques that are used with kids with adhd and we started to employ those - the planner (tried both physical and one on his phone), one folder for all homework, reminders on his phone at the beginning of classes, but nothing really worked. Most of his teachers do not ask for it in class, it's just expected to be turned in (per back to school night), so it's on him to be responsible. [/b]We've even tried the 'responsibility' angle - if you're not responsible enough to turn in your homework you're not responsible enough to drive a car - but still not motivating enough. Part of me thinks he just doesn't care about the grades. He's always been an independent, strong, thoughtful kid, and when he feels he's being forced into something he pushes back, so there may be something to the defiance thing there too. Ultimately I think he'll be 'fine'. He'll end up with good enough grades to get into 'some' college (he had a C last year but the rest were As and Bs) it's just frustrating to see him limit his options over something so fixable.

PP here. I don’t want to sound over dramatic, and I’m glad you found what I said helpful. If you view adhd as a legit medical condition, try to reframe how you think. Would you expect your kid with diabetes to use willpower and a good attitude to regulate their blood sugar and still expect them to do physical activities and social events (rigorous exercise and exposure to excess sugar), then punish them by not giving them a car because they can’t self regulate? I know it’s not exactly apples to apples, but I’m sure we all find that situation to be ludicrous. Asking a kid with adhd to self regulate with all the stress and distractions kids have, without the right tools, is equally ludicrous though.

I’m so glad he’s getting evaluated. [b]Don’t drag your feet when it comes to medication if he gets a diagnosis, for his sake, please. I know a lot of people push therapy and other tools, but he’s 16 and you’ve already tried lots of motivators, punishments and reward systems. It hasn’t worked. Of course there are more to try and you might find the magical thing that works, but your son is already in a hole and it’s only going to get deeper without the right supports.

As far as the bolded section in your post, it could be a defense mechanism to pretend not to care about grades, or to even actually stop caring. If he feels like a failure, if he can’t reach this unachievable goal, why try? If he stops caring about it, at least then it’s his choice not to succeed rather than him not being good enough to do it and failing at yet another thing. I’m not saying that’s healthy or anything, but it happens in so many aspects of life. Someone is overweight and feels hopeless to change so they have more cake. Someone is stuck in a low paying job and their savings never add up so they add on to the credit card debt. Or in your son’s case, he can’t make an A in the class so why bother turning in homework? Like I said, it’s not healthy, and it doesn’t mean they don’t really care or want to do better. It’s just a problem too big for them to solve alone, they don’t know what kind of help they need, plus it’s really hard to admit defeat, and they feel hopeless. Anxiety and depression suck, and they go with adhd like pb&j. I know it’s frustrating to deal with, but it’s not always defiance or willfulness. And of course we don’t want to enable these behaviors, but as parents and regular people who aren’t psychiatrists, psychologists and behavior specialists, we don’t always know how to help. Sometimes our help even hurts.

It sounds like you’re on the right track. I wish your family the best.

Ditto, especially the bolded. I'd have said my son didn't seem to care about school, didn't put in effort, forgot to turn in homework. Despite that, managed to get mostly As/some Bs through middle school. When he went off the rails freshman year we finally had him evaluated - definitely ADHD (combined type). Started medication and it was life changing. He DOES care about school, he wants to succeed. He said he finally feels calm at school for the first time. By the end of the year he got a "student of the quarter" award and a "most improved" in a class he'd been failing. This year, I've already had a note from one teacher in ParentVue about how he is always so prepared and engaged in class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD kids aren't actually doing the homework. You may see them at the table for hours on end, they're just day dreaming, maybe just writing the problems down, texting, surfing on laptop, listening to music/youtube. He's not turning it in because he knows there's nothing to turn in. The homework you think he has done isn't complete, so he feigns forgetfulness so there's no record with the teacher that he's turning assignments that are not complete.

With some kids, maybe. But executive function deficits of not remembering to take work to school, misplacing work, not remembering to get it from locker or backpack, not turning it in, etc are much, much more likely. I wouldn't assume that he is lying.

OP, I have ADHD inattentive type and was very bright so the shit didn't hit the fan until college. My middle schooler last year also had far more expectations and a much larger volume of work put on him than I ever did in high school, because things have changed so much. College was very difficult and I did not do as well as I could have in my major (although in classes where I had natural aptitude I did very well - classic ADHD btw). I was not dxed until I was 25.

You have gotten great advice from some posters on this thread. If it is ADHD please read up on it so you reframe your thinking, as pp said. He isn't making a choice to make things harder for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD kids aren't actually doing the homework. You may see them at the table for hours on end, they're just day dreaming, maybe just writing the problems down, texting, surfing on laptop, listening to music/youtube. He's not turning it in because he knows there's nothing to turn in. The homework you think he has done isn't complete, so he feigns forgetfulness so there's no record with the teacher that he's turning assignments that are not complete.

With some kids, maybe. But executive function deficits of not remembering to take work to school, misplacing work, not remembering to get it from locker or backpack, not turning it in, etc are much, much more likely. I wouldn't assume that he is lying.

+1 Even if he hasn’t finished the work and that’s why it’s not turned in, it’s still the same root issue that needs to be solved. Assuming kids are liars and treating them as such without giving them the tools to succeed (for most kids it takes more than leaving them alone at a table for hours on end-that’s a recipe for disaster), you’re setting them up for failure on several accounts. Kids with ADHD aren’t any worse than any other kid, yet they have so many negative labels. They just need medical attention specific to their body. Their brains work differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother was like this, he willingly refused to turn in his homework even after he had completed it and brought it to school. It was defiance. The teachers threatened him with Fs and he still refused. It wasn't ADHD. He eventually was asked to leave the public high school he was going to because he had all Fs (except for PE) and had to go to the alternative high school just to graduate. Same issues in college and he flunked out.

He had major mental health issues going on. I wouldn't necessarily sweep this under the rug as ADD or ADHD.

Your first paragraph makes it sound willful but then you acknowledge major mental health issues. It is likely that testing for ADD or ADHD would also help uncover if there are any other issues happening. These types of things often travel together.

My parents did have my brother tested, extensively. He doesn't have ADHD or ADD. He has a willful defiance disorder.

So it sounds like they did get a diagnosis.

So stop suggesting it has to be ADHD. Maybe, just maybe, something else is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD kids aren't actually doing the homework. You may see them at the table for hours on end, they're just day dreaming, maybe just writing the problems down, texting, surfing on laptop, listening to music/youtube. He's not turning it in because he knows there's nothing to turn in. The homework you think he has done isn't complete, so he feigns forgetfulness so there's no record with the teacher that he's turning assignments that are not complete.

With some kids, maybe. But executive function deficits of not remembering to take work to school, misplacing work, not remembering to get it from locker or backpack, not turning it in, etc are much, much more likely. I wouldn't assume that he is lying.

OP, I have ADHD inattentive type and was very bright so the shit didn't hit the fan until college. My middle schooler last year also had far more expectations and a much larger volume of work put on him than I ever did in high school, because things have changed so much. College was very difficult and I did not do as well as I could have in my major (although in classes where I had natural aptitude I did very well - classic ADHD btw). I was not dxed until I was 25.

You have gotten great advice from some posters on this thread. If it is ADHD please read up on it so you reframe your thinking, as pp said. He isn't making a choice to make things harder for himself.

hmmm...my DS with ADHD does the homework--but yes, it does take far longer than it should. He forgets to turn it in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was like this all through high school. My BIL and SIL rode him hard and he managed As and Bs. He flunked out on college after 3 semesters. They knew after 1 semester he wasn't college material, they still let him stay for another year.

I rode my kid hard during high school while waiting for his own executive function skills to kick in. He is off at college now, doing fine, without my involvement.

anecdote isn't data.