Would to do a DNA test, chance husband is not the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really sure why I’m typing this. Maybe just feels good to type it out. My husband and I had a very rocky start to our marriage. We were in our early 20s, I had some serious trauma for an abusive childhood, it just wasn’t a good time in our lives. I had a one night stand, and ended up pregnant about a month later. I confessed what I had done, told him I wasn’t sure who the father was. My husband and I had plenty of sex during this time frame as well, so just as likely(if more more) that he could be his. I also told the guy I had a one night stand with, and he was completely uninterested in wanting to find out if he was the father. Husband said it didn’t matter, and he just wanted to focus on fixing our marriage, so we could raise this baby in a loving home. We decided to go to therapy to help me deal with my ptsd from my childhood and our marriage greatly improved.

Fast forward almost 8 years, we still have a wonderful marriage and we went on to have another child(no paternity doubts this time.) My son looks a lot like my husband and his sibling. My husband says there is no doubt that he is his and has no interest in doing a DNA test. I agree that it’s very likely that he is the father, based on looks and many similar personality traits. I think at this point there is no reason to completely blow up my sons life at the .1% chance that his father is actually some guy who doesn’t want anything to do with him and No idea how to even contact him.

Don't. Just don't. Even having the test done could open a huge can of worms in your marriage/family.

And while all the other things that people have posted about could come to pass if your son is not biologically your husband's child, all of them might not and then you've still gone and taken an action that could throw a lot of chaos into your life.

Honestly, I think if it did turn out your son isn't your husband's biological child the explanation that the marriage went through a rough patch and Mom and Dad worked hard to get through it and never considered that child was not biologically related to his father is sufficient. Just because we have the technology doesn't mean you're required to avail yourself of it.

[Anonymous]

People actually live like this?

[Anonymous]

I would do it. For your child to find out later will be terrible. If he is your husbands then your mind will be at ease. Why keep worrying about it?

[Anonymous]

I would want to know. Given the rise of DNA testing, by the time your child is an adult, it could very well be part of of our regular identification system or necessary for military service, background checks, etc. Anyway, having DNA tested means you would have the information to give him later IF it’s relevant. If not, it’s never mentioned and he doesn’t ever have to know there was a possibility his dad might not be biologically related. I would not want to be a young adult and hear that my father may or may not be my bio father - that’s emotionally a lot. Get the facts and be ready to deal with them when necessary.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not do it. And, I think you should check back in with your therapist. This would be a destructive thing to do, and it makes me think that you're reverting to some of your old behaviors to try to make yourself feel better because of some other stress. We generate drama in order to deflect from the other cr*p.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know. Given the rise of DNA testing, by the time your child is an adult, it could very well be part of of our regular identification system or necessary for military service, background checks, etc. Anyway, having DNA tested means you would have the information to give him later IF it’s relevant. If not, it’s never mentioned and he doesn’t ever have to know there was a possibility his dad might not be biologically related. I would not want to be a young adult and hear that my father may or may not be my bio father - that’s emotionally a lot. Get the facts and be ready to deal with them when necessary.

Holy cow, no, that is never going to happen. Thankfully there is already a federal statute that prohibits employers from requiring genetic tests. https://www.genome.gov/about-genomics/policy-issues/Genetic-Discrimination

[Anonymous]

Why do the test now? Your husband is the child's father, he's the one there for fatherhood. If later there are health problems then you have a reason but not now. Don't blow up your family just because. Even if the child finds out when they are an adult, then you explain it later.

See a therapist for some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do the test now? Your husband is the child's father, he's the one there for fatherhood. If later there are health problems then you have a reason but not now. Don't blow up your family just because. Even if the child finds out when they are an adult, then you explain it later.

See a therapist for some help.

Letting her son find out on his own one day would be a huge mistake- talk about blowing everything up.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to create trouble when none exists? Something is wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People actually live like this?

Yes, and you can see all the responders urging OP to keep it on the down low. Some people live their lives in the sunshine, and Jerry Springer wouldn’t be a household name without the rest.

[Anonymous]

Op here

I actually agree, that testing would be a mistake. I don’ want to blow up my family. I guess I just needed the reassurance.

[Anonymous]

I have enough troubles without trying to manufacture new ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People actually live like this?

Yes, and you can see all the responders urging OP to keep it on the down low. Some people live their lives in the sunshine, and Jerry Springer wouldn’t be a household name without the rest.

Yes, shine the light of truth here. This kid should never have grown up mistaking this man for his father. He needed the truth from an early age. What if someone asked him who his father was?!?!??! He might be forced into telling an involuntary lie. It's never ok to lie for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was adopted, I think you should test him due to medical concerns. Not knowing my parents medical history has led to me needing to be tested earlier for many things (the age when you would if an immediate family member had cancer/disorder). How are you going to feel if he ends up with colon cancer at 45 because he didn’t have a colonoscopy at 40?

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People actually live like this?

Yes, and you can see all the responders urging OP to keep it on the down low. Some people live their lives in the sunshine, and Jerry Springer wouldn’t be a household name without the rest.

Yes, shine the light of truth here. This kid should never have grown up mistaking this man for his father. He needed the truth from an early age. What if someone asked him who his father was?!?!??! He might be forced into telling an involuntary lie. It's never ok to lie for any reason.

I have mixed feelings about the test (I said do it, but later) but not for this reason! It's not a lie if he doesn't know any different (no such thing as an involuntary lie; lying requires intent) and even if he does learn that OP's husband is not his bio dad, that man is still his father and he is entitled to call him that, plus some random person asking him who his dad is is not entitled to that information anyway!