Would to do a DNA test, chance husband is not the father.

[Anonymous]

Not really sure why I’m typing this. Maybe just feels good to type it out. My husband and I had a very rocky start to our marriage. We were in our early 20s, I had some serious trauma for an abusive childhood, it just wasn’t a good time in our lives. I had a one night stand, and ended up pregnant about a month later. I confessed what I had done, told him I wasn’t sure who the father was. My husband and I had plenty of sex during this time frame as well, so just as likely(if more more) that he could be his. I also told the guy I had a one night stand with, and he was completely uninterested in wanting to find out if he was the father. Husband said it didn’t matter, and he just wanted to focus on fixing our marriage, so we could raise this baby in a loving home. We decided to go to therapy to help me deal with my ptsd from my childhood and our marriage greatly improved.

Fast forward almost 8 years, we still have a wonderful marriage and we went on to have another child(no paternity doubts this time.) My son looks a lot like my husband and his sibling. My husband says there is no doubt that he is his and has no interest in doing a DNA test. I agree that it’s very likely that he is the father, based on looks and many similar personality traits. I think at this point there is no reason to completely blow up my sons life at the .1% chance that his father is actually some guy who doesn’t want anything to do with him and No idea how to even contact him.

[Anonymous]

Your DH doesnt' want a DNA test, so why do it? There's not reason to.

[Anonymous]

I would do it because if he is not your husband’s child, at some point your son will discover this and feel betrayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do it because if he is not your husband’s child, at some point your son will discover this and feel betrayed.

Even if so, better for him to discover that far in the future and have that conversation when he is an adult, than to find out now, which (if it turns out the other guy is his dad) will only blow up the marriage now when the boy is still a child.

[Anonymous]

With ancestry tests being so popular, I wouldn’t sit on this. I took one for fun and it linked me to relatives on my birth father’s side if the family. Fortunately, I knew ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I think the famous, advice columnist Ann Landers said this.
Or was it her twin Sister, Dear Abby??!

Regardless I would not rock the boat & let things just be.
Your family is in tact + your marriage is stable.

Later on things may change, perhaps a health issue to test family members to see if they are a match for possible bone marrow, etc.....(hopefully not)....
But for now, keep the status quo.

[Anonymous]

I would have an issue if you were keeping this all a secret from your husband, but since he knows, and the child is mostly likely his anyway, I wouldn’t do anything. If he turns out not to be the father, that other man he isn’t going to swoop in and play daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have an issue if you were keeping this all a secret from your husband, but since he knows, and the child is mostly likely his anyway, I wouldn’t do anything. If he turns out not to be the father, that other man he isn’t going to swoop in and play daddy.

Basically, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With ancestry tests being so popular, I wouldn’t sit on this. I took one for fun and it linked me to relatives on my birth father’s side if the family. Fortunately, I knew ahead of time.

Yep, totally agree. At some point this child will take a DNA test and if he finds out at let’s say age 30, your looking at a huge problem going forward. And for the record, the odds of this kid not being your husbands is way higher than .01% Your kidding yourself. Secretly DNA test both kids and see what it shows.

[Anonymous]

I’d go stealth and do a private sibling dna. In this way it give me time to prepare if the news was unfavorable.

[Anonymous]

It is odd one night stand guy didn't care if he was the father. He could be on the hook for 18 years of child support and most guys want to know if they have a kid.

[Anonymous]

Do not do it. It won’t chance anything for the better if you do. Your son is your husband's Through and through. He sounds like a good man.

[Anonymous]

Nope

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it. Telling your kid that his daddy isn’t really his daddy, and this strange man who wants nothing to do with him is, is just going to really F him up. I also don’t think it’s ethical to take your DH’s DNA without his permission.

Your DH sounds like a good man, and I think it’s great you both put in so much work to provide a stable, loving home for your kids. Don’t screw that up.

[Anonymous]

As someone who was adopted, I think you should test him due to medical concerns. Not knowing my parents medical history has led to me needing to be tested earlier for many things (the age when you would if an immediate family member had cancer/disorder). How are you going to feel if he ends up with colon cancer at 45 because he didn’t have a colonoscopy at 40?