How to deal with a rough new 5 year old neighbor who can't keep her hands to herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 5 years old and just started kindergarten. A new neighbor moved in next door to us in June, and they have a 5 year old girl who started kindergarten this year as well, and who is in the same class as my son. I’ll call her Sally. We were very busy over the summer so we didn’t see our new neighbors much at all, but I have noticed that just about every time we see them, Sally can’t seem to keep her hands to herself. One of the first times she played with my son, they played together at another neighbor’s house, and my son came home crying and said that Sally was pushing and shoving him the whole time. I assumed he was having a hard time in the group, but when I saw the neighbor who was hosting later that weekend, he mentioned how rough Sally was being and that she was pushing and shoving his daughters the whole time.

Another time we saw our new neighbors at our neighborhood pool while I was helping my son practicing his swimming. Sally insisted on jumping into the pool and swimming to me, like my son was doing, and clung to me the whole time and kissed me several times. That same day, she and my son were playing in the baby pool during adult swim, and she jumped on his back and slammed him down into the pool and submerged his head under water. Also that day she was jumping on top of other kids into the pool while trying to play with them.

After that day, I kind of tried to avoid having our kids play together since she is so rough. But I’ve heard from other neighbors that they have had issues with her pushing and shoving as well. At a kindergarten open house she pushed my son to the ground again and started dragging him to get up and caused his shorts and underwear to fall down. I also saw her bear hug and pick up another kid that is in their class, who she had just met probably 2 minutes before she was picking her up. I don’t think she is intending to bully or harm people, and she seems to want to be my son’s friend, but she seems to have no sense of boundaries.

My son loves school so far, but he has continued to complain about her pushing and poking him. Her parents have remarked casually that she has no boundaries and they hope school will help her with it, but they don’t seem to do much to correct her behavior when she is rough or just touches people in general. I don’t want it to get awkward with them since they literally live right next door to us, but I see this as a potential problem that I may have to address in the very near future. If this continues, which I strongly suspect it will, should I speak to her parents directly about this, or make a comment to the teacher and ask her to treat it anonymously for the time being?

troll alert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

Np +1

I have absolutely zero tolerance for kids being dangerous with any of my kids, especially around heights or water. No hesitation whatsoever to raise my voice and tell them off pretty harshly. Let them remember it. Better if they run to tell their parents, I’m happy to give them a piece of my mind too. If your kid can’t be unsupervised without hurting people then they shouldn’t be unsupervised. Period. Even if other kids the same age are playing without supervision at that age.

And the parents aren’t clueless, they’re lazy. They aren’t willing to do the work to raise their kids that the rest of us do, and they think they can get away with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

+1

Use a loud voice so the parents can hear and reprimand their kid for her rough actions. Maybe they'll help keep their kid away from yours next time.

If the parents don't apologize/don't do anything and it happens again, add in a "and this is why no other kids want to play with you" loudly enough for them to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I see this as a potential problem that I may have to address in the very near future. If this continues, which I strongly suspect it will, should I speak to her parents directly about this, or make a comment to the teacher and ask her to treat it anonymously for the time being?

This is an actual problem which you should be dealing with now. You can’t parent other peoples kids but you can protect your own which it doesn’t would like you are doing. Your son needs closer supervision when she’s around and you are the one that needs to do it. Or just avoid places she will be.

As for school, yes mention it to the teacher. It I’m betting the teacher already knows and is dealing with it. Still doesn’t hurt to mention so the teacher knows it is bothering your son.

[Anonymous]

We have a neighbor similar to this who is a girl that plays rough with my DS. She also likes to hug and kiss him. I don’t t mind occasional hugs but the kissing was just too much. DS also complained. I now just make excuses not to have play dates and limit contact between them.

[Anonymous]

I would not go out of my way to spend time with them, but not avoid them. When they are around, supervise more closely that you might otherwise, and be ready to intervene every time. "Sally, that's too rough don't touch him." "Sally, stop now. I told you not to touch him." If you need to get in between them physically. I think it's important to both remember that she isn't doing it out of malice and make sure that she understands that when she is around you and your child there are boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

This is not "win-win." Your DD will get older but those kids will never forget you as the weird mom and the weird daughter. THEY will be staying away from YOU and your DD, long after the situation is resolved.

I feel sorry for the girl, OP. I know you have your own DC to think about but you could change this kid's life if you gave her some help instead of avoiding her. You can tell her that the rule is, no touching. Keep your hands to yourself. Maybe she'll get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

This is not "win-win." Your DD will get older but those kids will never forget you as the weird mom and the weird daughter. THEY will be staying away from YOU and your DD, long after the situation is resolved.

I feel sorry for the girl, OP. I know you have your own DC to think about but you could change this kid's life if you gave her some help instead of avoiding her. You can tell her that the rule is, no touching. Keep your hands to yourself. Maybe she'll get it.

NP. Yeah, no. Parents protect their kids. You keep on raising little psychos.

[Anonymous]

We have neighbors across the street where the girl is the same age as our son. We have lived there for 8 years now and they have probably played twice. Why- she’s a jerk, parents are clueless and I’m not interested in fostering the friendship. We are polite with their family, chat at the bus stop but that’s it. Put your boundaries up, you don’t need to be friends with everyone.

The little girl may have sensory issues etc, but it doesn’t mean your son needs to be hit/pushed. Teach him to be polite but you don’t need to be getting together to play. Roll play with him on what to do if it happens at school and mention it to the teacher. GL! Hopefully things will improve with time.

[Anonymous]

Another mom here of a very physical and handsy kindergartener here who is struggling with sensory stuff (plus 2 other kids who aren’t). Protect your son, who is clearly uncomfortable with what is going on, but try to come at it with some compassion for the little girl and her parents. It is TOUGH to raise kids like this and TOUGH to be a kid like this.

[Anonymous]

Why haven't you talked to her parents about it?

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 5 yr old boy exactly like this, and a 3.5 year old boy who's the exact opposite. This isn't lasy parenting, it's sensory-seeking behavior and extremely frustrating and challenging to combat.

Our ds is also huge, so he gets blamed for everything, even if he has nothing to do with it. It is my biggest heartache right now -- I see him on play dates and he sits too close to people, touches too frequently whereas ds2 just kinda innately gets it all. Ds1 has always had friends and teachers who liked him, but kindergarten seems a bit rough so far (one kid hit him for "standing In his square," two kids at playground started chasing him with sticks saying we want to be alone, another kid bit him). I guarantee he is just crowding these kids and they are sick of it).

[Anonymous]

Older parent of teens here. You are well within your rights to tell her to stop. If you see something happening, walk over and say "STOP!" Or "Let go of my child!" You can also phrase it as a question. "Why are you doing that?" and expect an answer.

Her parents are not willing to step up and do this, but you can to protect your child. Don't waste your time being too polite. My kids were on the rowdy side when young, and I had one eye on them at all times to step in. When you see a parent unwilling to do this, do not be shy about stepping up. If they get upset, they deserve it. See something, say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

This is not "win-win." Your DD will get older but those kids will never forget you as the weird mom and the weird daughter. THEY will be staying away from YOU and your DD, long after the situation is resolved.

I feel sorry for the girl, OP. I know you have your own DC to think about but you could change this kid's life if you gave her some help instead of avoiding her. You can tell her that the rule is, no touching. Keep your hands to yourself. Maybe she'll get it.

Found the mom of the bully

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I have a small DD that rough kids will target, so I make them cry. I don't scream but I definitely raise my voice and reprimand them. Either they get it and back off, or their parents hate me so much that they keep their kid away from us. It's win-win for us either way.

I know it's harsh but I got so sick of clueless parents who can't be bothered to teach their kids how to behave. Kids aren't going to learn boundaries unless other people enforce them.

This is not "win-win." Your DD will get older but those kids will never forget you as the weird mom and the weird daughter. THEY will be staying away from YOU and your DD, long after the situation is resolved.

I feel sorry for the girl, OP. I know you have your own DC to think about but you could change this kid's life if you gave her some help instead of avoiding her. You can tell her that the rule is, no touching. Keep your hands to yourself. Maybe she'll get it.

Yeah no. You protect your kids. My DD was at the playground and a child won’t stop picking on her. Telling her nicely not to do it didn’t work. She actually made an angry face and said you make me so angry to me. Then my DD went onto a very tall slide and this child followed her and you could just tell she was about to push her off that height and could really seriously injure her. I hoisted myself up to level st the child’s face and said loudly and sternly, no pushing. You get me? And when she nodded scared I said again you understand me? I rather be the weird mom then a concusses child.