When one parent works nights and weekends -what to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? He need to fix this. It’s unreasonable for him to have this schedule while the kids are young. He needs to get better at his job or be making enough money that he’s hiring babysitters, meal services, cleaners, etc.

This shows how very out of touch the DCUM crowd is with the real world. How do you think wives of firefighters, police, paramedics, medical professionals, etc. deal? Get a clue, lady.

I have never met a firefighter/police officer/nurse/doctor who never had a day off. OPs DH works weekends AND weekdays well into the evening. This is not sustainable. Time to have a conversation about priorities and looking for a new job.

Err, then you never met my father or any of the neighborhood fathers. He and all the other dads worked their own shift (IBM loading docks) 5 days a week, and half shifts the other 2 days for overtime pay. Other dads (and some moms) worked similar hours at the local dairy. Many many many people in this country work 2-3 jobs or lots of overtime on one job. What a protected bubble you must live in if you have never met anyone who worked 60+ hours a week.

[Anonymous]

Quit

[Anonymous]

OP, my spouse works long and unpredictable hours, including overnights, weekends and most holidays. DH cannot do any drop offs or pick ups due to the nature of his job, so mornings are all on me, and after school as well. We have no local family, no nanny and no babysitter. Here's what we do to make things manageable:

-On overnights or weekends when he's working, I make things easy. Super easy meals, and plenty of TV/movies so I can get things done around the house.

-We do lots of kids classes on the weekends to give our weekends structure, since often that's the only thing we have scheduled. So we have two kids' classes on Saturday (swimming and gymnastics) and two kids classes on Sunday (soccer and tennis). This gets us out of the house and socializing with others (important for me too). Since we have no local family, we don't have Grandma's Sunday dinner to look forward to or going to the Grandparents' house. The classes give us a structure for our weekend and something to do if we have nothing else going on.

-I made friends with other Moms whose husbands also work late hours/weekends or who travel often for work, and we get together with the kids on the weekends

-I also made friends with other Moms who have no local family--they are more available on weekends, and we get together on holidays too since they often are alone on holidays

-We celebrate holidays on another day if DH has to work the holiday. So if DH works Thanksgiving, we celebrate the day after instead.

-Although it's tough when DH works nights and weekends, he also gets random days off during the month (like a random Wednesday). So he'll go to the kids school school events, get to participate in parent/teacher conferences, get to do pick up/drop off during the week, and we'll often go out for lunch as well, so we have time to nurture our marriage.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and a SAHM so I feel with the kid drudgery all the time. You have to hire help.

DH has improved his hours AND I have a PT sitter plus housekeeper. I know not everyone has this luxury. I know single parents, military spouses, working and SAHMs married to demanding job spouses. They all seem to make it work somehow.

I think some people are better at housework. I was awful at it when I worked and even worse now that I’m home.

[Anonymous]

OP, you'd have a lot more time to get things done if you didn't spend all your time whining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'd have a lot more time to get things done if you didn't spend all your time whining.

Not the OP, but you are ridiculous. This is a message board and OP is asking on advice about how to manage her situation. She's being appropriate. You are wasting everyone's time.

My dad was a cook who worked night and weekends. I enjoyed our schedule and felt like our family life was more fun and relaxed than other families I knew. Once additional thing that pps haven't mentioned, we would go visit my dad after my mom left work and picked me up. I always liked that part of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'd have a lot more time to get things done if you didn't spend all your time whining.

Not the OP, but you are ridiculous. This is a message board and OP is asking on advice about how to manage her situation. She's being appropriate. You are wasting everyone's time.

My dad was a cook who worked night and weekends. I enjoyed our schedule and felt like our family life was more fun and relaxed than other families I knew. Once additional thing that pps haven't mentioned, we would go visit my dad after my mom left work and picked me up. I always liked that part of the day.

I gave her advice. Stop wasting her time whining and getbo. With the job.

[Anonymous]

I saw lots of construction workers in my neighborhood today working on additions to houses. It's Labor Day , fer chrissakes! So yes, there is another group / profession that works on holidays.


You are not alone, families of holiday-workers. Lots of us/ them out there.

[Anonymous]

I also have a spouse that puts in tons of long hours and is gone at least some portion of most weekends and holidays. I'm a SAHM to 3. It has been especially hard with child #3 being young and the other two being elementary age. I'm not able to do all the fun activities they want to do with a toddler in tow by myself. We have had the talk many times about the terrible work schedule and we just don't see eye to eye about it. He strongly feels the financial gains are worth it and has an early retirement in sight. While we can afford it, I don't outsource and I always say I will but then feel guilty about it. But this year I am getting a babysitter for one morning a week to help me out a bit.

[Anonymous]

Your DH started a new business, and it's always tough getting started. SHould get better over time. Remember all the threads here when people ask how people ended up wtih such high HHI. Many of them are business owners.