Kids were horrible to 18y/o neighbor sitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty clear the two of you are struggling a bit on how to parent. Your dh just ignores it and you jump to ridiculous punishments. I'm guessing this is partly why your kids don't behave.

It's great you are seeing someone about the issues, but do they also help with parenting issues?

You mean the gift card thing? It wasn't my idea but it's not "ridiculous" at all. I think it's actually a great idea. Adults buy gift cards and cards as part of an apology all the time. Natural consequences is very appropriate.

NP. The gift card thing is dumb because the 5 yo doesn’t really care about money and it’s too far attenuated at this point to mean anything. YOU need to apologize and make it up to the babysitter yourself, you set up a fail situation by leaving a kid with severe behavior problems with an unsuspecting teen.

Barring special needs, the PP is correct that your biggest problem is that you and your husband aren’t on the same page and as long as your husband is a lazy shit who just ignores bad behavior, you are screwed.

And finally, if these kids are spending any time on iPads, you need to end that immediately and look into physical activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, to all those who asked why we left kids with this sitter in particular, we'd had her several times before and everything had gone well. I don't question her in the slightest, but rather our kids/our parenting -- which yes is reason we are seeing behaviorist in first place.

Note and gift card (on my dime after DH accused me of cruel and unusual punishment) delivered, obviously no shows or treats this evening.

School will be starting soon or maybe has already started. Kids are discombobulated. If previous times have been fine, then I wouldn't panic about this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, to all those who asked why we left kids with this sitter in particular, we'd had her several times before and everything had gone well. I don't question her in the slightest, but rather our kids/our parenting -- which yes is reason we are seeing behaviorist in first place.

Note and gift card (on my dime after DH accused me of cruel and unusual punishment) delivered, obviously no shows or treats this evening.

Shows? Get these kids off nightly tv and interact with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do more than just make the older one stay in her room until she's written an apology, geez.

I'd throw in a grounding and take away all of the electronics for a week as well as an apology and a large tip.

+1 and she better be delivering that letter in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are gonna cut our losses on ever expecting her to take a job with us again, but do want to teach kids a lesson. Making the older one write an apology note and stay in room until it's done.

The younger one can draw a picture as an apology. Hopefully you tipped well.

People tip babysitters?

Normally no but if my kid behaved that badly, you can guarantee that I would give her a tip or whatever you would call extra money.

[Anonymous]

Please ask the professional you hired and don’t listen to this slightly terrible thread. OP if this had never happened before I would be trying to figure out what was different for the kids that day, what was going on before during or after that could have led to the behavior? I would also second reading no bad kids. But you should probably just ask the behaviorist to help you work through what happened.

[Anonymous]

You need an older, more experienced sitter, not a high schooler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need an older, more experienced sitter, not a high schooler.

This. And an adult who isn’t afraid of children OR their coddling parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please ask the professional you hired and don’t listen to this slightly terrible thread. OP if this had never happened before I would be trying to figure out what was different for the kids that day, what was going on before during or after that could have led to the behavior? I would also second reading no bad kids. But you should probably just ask the behaviorist to help you work through what happened.

This times a million. Punishment is not the all-purpose answer!

[Anonymous]

Op you need real help and fast. Someone like Dr. Rene or Meghan Leahy, etc. Depends where you are located.

[Anonymous]

A good smack on the rear end and no tv for a week. Directly to bed after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now we know why we couldn't get a babysitter when we said we had 3yo and 5yo boys We said they were really well behaved but I guess nobody believed us.

OP, we would demand a written apology from each of them (yes, even the 3 yo - he should be able to write 'sorry' and her name on some paper even if it takes a while) and keep them in timeout x5 sequentially (one for each bad thing plus the refusal to do timeout originally). If they scream or come out, time starts from scratch. One min of timeout per year of age (so 25 mins for 5yo). they must be very bored for the time, no toys etc. I would also be refusing screentime for an entire month. (yes, I mean an entire month).

People always compliment our kids on their behavior, say how sweet they are, and this is why. We run a tight ship. That type of crap would not fly here. Not even a little bit. and it's a slippery slope. You need to keep them in check. These days for us it's just maintenance because we've put in so much work already. Things got much harder when we had our third recently but we got control of the ship again pretty fast. we're exhausted and would rather not, but we need to.

And I promise you that my boys are normal crazy boys - they love to shout (all the type if we let them), run and climb everything and get physical. You can do it, OP.

PP what else do you do to run a tight ship? I want my kids to be well behaved, and things seem to be slipping.

[Anonymous]

Forget the babysitter. You pay her a bit extra and never call her again. There is something much more going on with your kids, your parenting or a combination. You need to get the 5 year old (or both) evaluated. Start with a developmental ped. And, you need strong consequences. Agree with early bed. No electronics, fun stuff or treats for a week or two and then they only get them with a behavior chart with specific goals. That is not normal behavior. The money thing makes no sense as the child is 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please ask the professional you hired and don’t listen to this slightly terrible thread. OP if this had never happened before I would be trying to figure out what was different for the kids that day, what was going on before during or after that could have led to the behavior? I would also second reading no bad kids. But you should probably just ask the behaviorist to help you work through what happened.

This times a million. Punishment is not the all-purpose answer!

They aren't going to listen to the behavior specialist who should be working with all of them and observing the kids. Kids don't act that way without reason or being allowed.

[Anonymous]

OP will be getting many, many phone calls from her kids' school.